


Starstruck

by benjji2795, G8rguy



Series: Starstruck [1]
Category: The Fosters (TV 2013)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Celebrity, Angst, Baseball, Fluff, M/M, mentions of drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-14
Updated: 2016-07-14
Packaged: 2018-04-20 18:59:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 64,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4798769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/benjji2795/pseuds/benjji2795, https://archiveofourown.org/users/G8rguy/pseuds/G8rguy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Jude fell for him, Connor Stevens was just a minor league baseball player with major dreams of making it to the big leagues. Through all the struggles of trying to get his chance, Jude was there. But the day when Connor finally makes it is when things start changing. Finally, when their relationship is forced into secrecy, can they survive, or will Connor’s big break, break them?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my new multichapter fanfic. It’s based off this prompt from myfavoritythings on Tumblr: _Person A is the star of something and has been dating Person B for several years in secret, but then Person B does not want to be a secret anymore._ I’m taking this and modifying it slightly (as you can probably already tell from the summary), but I just really love the whole premise. I’m starting it out slow, building the entire story from the moment they met. I really hope you all enjoy this fic…it’s going to be a wild ride y’all so hold on :)

**_It had all started out innocently enough._ **

 

One night Jude had gone (okay he’d been dragged) to a club with his friends.  It was getting late, and Jude had almost finished sipping his drink.  All his friends had left him and Jude was sitting in a booth by himself, getting ready to pay his tab and head home.  That was when a stout man who looked to be about his age sat down across from him.  He had dark, sandy blond hair, with bright hazel eyes and a wide, toothy smile.

 

“C-can I help you?” Jude asked, wondering why this other man had sat down with him.  Jude wasn’t the kind of guy that others chased down in clubs.  And this guy was not the kind of guy who would be chasing after someone like him.  He was far too attractive and way out of Jude’s league.

 

“You looked a little lonely,” the other man shrugged.  “I thought you might like some company for a while.”

 

“That’s really nice of you, but I was actually just about to head out,” Jude replied flatly.

 

“Oh,” he said, his face immediately falling.  “That’s cool.  I’m sorry to have bothered you.”

 

“But you know, I guess I could stay a little longer,” Jude rapidly interjected.  He looked a bit like a kicked puppy and it made Jude feel guilty about just leaving without at least chatting for a few minutes.  And there was just something in this guy’s eyes that Jude felt drawn to.

 

“Okay!” he chirped, grinning widely.  “My name’s Connor.”

 

“Nice to meet you Connor, I’m Jude,” Jude answered, reaching out and shaking Connor’s hand.

 

“Oh, like The Beatles song!”

 

“Yeah, like The Beatles song,” Jude giggled.  Connor may be a large, burly man, but his enthusiasm and energy was far more reminiscent of a young child than an adult.

 

“I’m sorry, you must be tired of hearing that,” Connor said.

 

“Not really,” Jude lied.  He _was_ tired of hearing it, but for some reason, he didn’t mind when Connor said it.  With Connor’s smooth, soothing voice, he could say pretty much anything (within reason) and Jude wouldn’t mind the least bit.  “Those are some nice muscles.  You look like you must be an athlete,” Jude continued, smiling as he made flirty small talk.  Or at least he was trying to; Jude had almost no experience with flirting and he was clueless as to whether he was being successful or not.

 

“Professional baseball player,” Connor answered proudly.  “Last year’s third round pick of the San Diego Padres.”

 

“I’ll be honest, other than the baseball part, I didn’t understand any of what you just said,” Jude said with a frown.

 

“Don’t worry about that,” Connor chuckled.  “I’m surrounded by people talking about baseball every minute of every day and it gets tiring.”

 

“I can imagine,” Jude chuckled.  “So you play for the Padres huh?”  Baseball and the Padres, that was the extent of what Jude got from the things Connor had said.

 

“Well um, I actually don’t,” Connor mumbled.  “Not yet anyway.  I’m just some guy in their minor league system with a dream of making it to the big leagues.”

 

“Well I’m sure you’ll get there some day,” Jude assured, giving Connor a gentle pat on the shoulder.  “I mean, you said you were like picked third or something, right?  I mean, I don’t know anything about baseball but I remember that in high school gym class getting picked in like the top five was always a big deal; it meant you were really good.”

 

“You know, you’re the first person that’s looked at it that way,” Connor laughed.  “I guess maybe you’re right, I will get there someday.  But anyway, enough about me, tell me what you do,” Connor inquired, resting his elbows on the table and his head on his hands, tilting his head to the side ever so slightly as he studied Jude intently.  Jude felt himself blushing under Connor’s gaze.  Connor wasn’t looking at him like he was judging him like some guys did, or even like a piece of meat as a small few did, but rather like he was curious, simply taking in and observing Jude’s every feature.

 

“W-well nothing r-right now,” Jude stuttered nervously, biting his lip.  “I’m still just a college student.”

 

“What are you studying then?”

 

“Um, creative writing,” Jude replied.

 

“You know, I had always thought that if I didn’t make it playing baseball I would be a writer,” Connor mused.

 

“Why do you have to pick?” Jude wondered.  “I mean, other than your games, don’t you have a lot of free time?”

 

“I wish,” Connor snorted.  “This is the first free night I’ve had in a few weeks.  Baseball is my _job_ Jude.  So whenever I’m not playing, I’m still doing something to get ready to play.  That means I’m at the gym working out, or I’m in the cages taking batting practice, or I’m working with one of my coaches on my fielding technique.  Stuff like that; you know the list just goes on and on.  I’m almost always working.”

 

“That uh, that sounds really intense.”

 

“Yeah,” Connor sighed.  “Don’t get me wrong, I love baseball, I mean, I wouldn’t still be playing if I didn’t.  It’s just—sometimes the grind just really wears me down.  Every now and then, I wish I was in your shoes.”

 

Jude swallowed suddenly, gagging as his drink went into his lungs instead of his stomach.

 

“You think my life is easy?” he gasped when he gained some semblance of control over his breathing again.

 

“Well no, I was just thinking that it’s different, you know?” Connor explained.  “With what I do, there’s rarely any change to the routine.  Day to day, it’s all the same and I feel like that’s not the way things are for you.”

 

“Ha, I think not,” Jude grunted.  “My routine consists of class, library, apartment, and then repeat.”

 

“Yeah, but you’re always learning something different,” Connor countered.  “Everything I’m learning, I already know; it’s just all about practicing those same things over and over again.”

 

“I feel like that kind of consistency would be comforting honestly,” Jude confessed.  As someone who had experienced a lot of turmoil in his life, Jude found peace in the predictable.

 

“It's not,” Connor answered flatly.  “It's just left me feeling empty.  That's why I'm out here tonight.  I was looking to do something different and maybe find someone to talk to for a while.”

 

“I’m here because my friends dragged me here,” Jude griped.

 

“At least you have friends,” Connor lamented.

 

“What about your teammates?” Jude wondered, furrowing his brow in confusion.

 

“They’re all nice guys, don’t get me wrong,” Connor shrugged.  “They just don’t really get me, you know?”

 

“Yeah, I know,” Jude admitted.  “I mean, look at my friends.  They all abandoned me.  So no friends, but what about your family?”

 

“I only have my dad, and all he cares about is baseball and getting drunk,” Connor said softly.  “It’s just me and baseball.”

 

“Well now you have—” Jude started before being interrupted.  The club, which had been fairly quiet up to that point, was suddenly filled with booming music, making any conversation nearly impossible.  Jude groaned, throwing his hands up in frustration.

 

“You wanna go somewhere else?” Connor shouted, his voice barely audible over the din.  Jude nodded, rising and waving for Connor to follow him out.

 

“Anyway, I was saying that now you have me too,” Jude finished once they were outside, giving Connor a small smile.  “Sooooooo…where can we go?” Jude added, awkwardly standing there with his hands shoved in his pockets.

 

“W-well we could g-go back to my place for a w-while,” Connor spluttered nervously, his cheeks turning a dark shade of pink.  Jude felt his heart drop at the suggestion.  Connor seemed like a really nice guy and after everything they just talked about, Jude just hated to have to turn his offer down.

 

“I’m really flattered Connor, but I’m not that kind of guy,” Jude replied sadly.

 

“That’s good thing cause I’m not either,” Connor countered.  “I just thought it would be a nice private place to talk.”

 

Jude eyed Connor suspiciously.  Jude had no reason to trust Connor; he had just met him not fifteen minutes ago.

 

“It’s okay, I get it,” Connor reassured.  “Why don’t we find like a coffee shop or something?”

 

“At 12:30 in the morning?” Jude scoffed.  “There wouldn’t be one open.”

 

“Oh yeah,” Connor said quietly.  “You’re probably right.”

 

Jude sighed, running the strands of his hair in between his fingers; there was that “kicked puppy” look again.  He could feel his resolve weakening.  Damn, how did this guy already have this kind of a hold on him?

 

“Okay sure, we can go back to your place,” Jude said, caving in.  Connor was willing to go somewhere else to talk, that had to be a good sign about his intentions, right?  Plus Connor’s eyes just seemed so genuine; he couldn’t be lying to him.  Jude’s gut feeling was a good one, so all of those factors combined were enough to convince him to go.  Connor’s face instantly lit up and he bounced off.  Jude’s stomach flipped, a small grin forming on his lips as he trudged after Connor.

 

* * *

 

 

Connor’s apartment was a small, almost shabby looking place.  The two pieces of furniture in Connor’s living room (a couch and the small table which his TV sat on) appeared incredibly beat up.  The couch had numerous rips in it, stuffing poking out from the cushions, and one of the legs on the table was jutting out at an odd angle, giving it an unstable and rickety look.  The room itself was small, with yellowing white wallpaper, tainted by streaks of numerous colors.  The carpet was brown and threadbare, seemingly random patches ripped up to reveal the gray concrete underneath.

 

“This is pretty awful place, isn’t it?” Connor grimaced.  “I’m sorry you have to see this, I didn’t think about that.  I guess since I’m in here most days, I kinda forgot about how rough this place looks.  Being a minor league player doesn’t pay much.”

 

“Well I suppose we could always go to my place,” Jude suggested.  Connor seemed sincerely upset and self-conscious about Jude having to see his apartment.  Jude really didn’t mind staying at Connor’s apartment, but if it would make Connor feel better, Jude would bring him back to his place, even if that meant getting a severe ribbing from his flatmate.

 

“You don’t mind?”

 

“Not at all,” Jude assured him.

 

“Let me just grab my bag then just in case I stay too late,” Connor said, bounding a few steps into his bedroom.

 

“Why do you need that?” Jude wondered when Connor back out with not a bag, but a rolling suitcase.

 

“My team leaves on a twelve game road trip tomorrow—well today,” Connor griped.  “After ten games on the road, we got only three home games before going on the road again.”

 

“Really, you’re leaving today?” Jude groaned.

 

“Yeah, in like,” Connor paused, glancing down at his watch, “five hours.”

 

“So let me get this straight,” Jude said as they started walking towards his apartment.  “I finally meet a guy who I like, and said guy likes me, but said guy is leaving for a long time the same day I meet him?  Great, just fantastic.”

 

“Yeah, I can’t say I’m thrilled about this either.  It’s one of the things I hate most about this,” Connor grumbled.  “It’s so hard to meet people because I’m gone so much.  But hey, we still have almost four hours, so let’s not waste that.”

 

Jude nodded in agreement, and after that they strolled in silence until they reached Jude’s apartment.  Jude carefully opened the door, finding his flatmate wide awake, playing some video game.

 

“Well at least we won’t have to worry about waking him up,” Jude chuckled.

 

“Who’s ‘we’?” his flatmate shot back quickly.

 

“O-oh,” Jude stuttered, surprised by the sudden outburst.  “Justin, this is Connor.”  Connor waved as Justin’s eyes went as big as saucers.

 

“Jude, you—you brought a boy back to the apartment?” he asked incredulously.

 

“You say that like it’s an impossible feat,” Jude retorted.

 

“Well, I mean it’s not, you just never have before,” Justin argued.

 

“There’s always a first time for everything,” Jude sassed.

 

“True, true.  Looks like you really scored there, Jude,” Justin smirked, looking Connor up and down.

 

“Down boy!” Jude joked.  “Besides, he’s not here for that.  We’re just going to talk.”

 

“Alright then, just don’t _talk_ too loud,” Justin said smugly, being sure to add air quotes around the word “talk”.  Jude sneered, flipping Justin off before leading Connor into his bedroom.

 

“Rawr,” Connor giggled.  “Someone’s feeling a little feisty.”

 

“Not really.  It’s Justin; he brings it out of me.  We’re always going at each other like that,” Jude shrugged.  Connor ran over and flopped down on Jude’s bed, lying there for a second before sitting up and crossing his legs, perking his head up and glancing around the room earnestly.

 

“Star Wars fan, huh?” Connor commented, taking in the numerous posters adorning Jude’s walls and the action figures crowding every open surface.  “Woah dude, you have a _Revenge of the Jedi_ poster?  These are so rare, how did you get one?”

 

“My moms found it at a garage sale,” Jude explained.  “They bought it, not really thinking anything of it until they brought it home and I flipped out.  So I take it you’re a Star Wars fan too.”

 

“Not really,” Connor admitted.  “I’ve just heard about the poster before.”

 

“Oh, I see,” Jude responded, sitting down on the bed across from Connor.

 

From there, they talked about anything and everything that came to mind, making use of every last second of the four hours they had.  Jude had never felt a connection with someone quite like he did with Connor.  At one point, Jude looked at his watch and saw that it was 6:00 AM.  He sighed heavily.

 

“You have to go now,” he pointed out, but not making any move to usher Connor out.

 

“Well I kinda need a ride to the stadium,” Connor said sheepishly.

 

“I’ll take you!” Jude exclaimed, a little too quickly.  But Connor was leaving for nearly two weeks dammit; Jude was going to get as much time out of Connor as he could.

 

“Okay Jude,” Connor chortled.  Jude scurried out of the room, trying to hide the blush that was creeping up his cheeks.

 

* * *

 

 

When they arrived at the stadium, Jude turned to Connor, giving him his best pout.

 

“This is so unfair,” Jude complained, maintaining his pout as he spoke.

 

“Come on, walk up with me,” Connor urged, getting out of the car and grabbing his suitcase.  Jude didn’t have to be told twice, stumbling over himself getting out and following Connor, simultaneously cursing himself for his eagerness.  Connor just laughed, gently nudging Jude with his shoulder.  Connor loaded his suitcase on the bus and turned back to Jude, nervously fiddling with his hands.  “Even though we just met, I think I’m going to miss you a lot,” Connor sighed.

 

“I know I’m going to miss you,” Jude declared.  Shit, how did he get so attached to Connor in just a few hours?

 

“Here, give me your phone,” Connor commanded, and Jude willingly complied.  Connor punched in his contact information, sending a quick text.  He then handed Jude back his phone and took out his own.  A message flashed across Jude’s screen, showing up under Connor’s name (which had a fair number of odd emojis added to the end)

 

_Hey Jude :)_

 

“There, now you better text me,” Connor instructed.

 

“I might,” Jude teased.  “I’ll have to think about it.”

 

“Jude,” Connor giggled, trying to glare at him at the same time.

 

“I’m just kidding Con, of course I’ll text you,” Jude grinned.

 

“Stevens!  You better get your ass on this bus if you want to play!” someone growled from behind them.

 

“That’s coach calling me,” Connor bemoaned.  “I have to go.  Pick me up when we get back?”

 

“Sure.”

 

“Okay, I’ll text you the details,” Connor replied.  “See you then Jude,” he finished, waving before shoving his hands in his pockets.

 

“Bye Connor,” Jude said, returning his wave.  And with that, Connor hopped on the bus and the team started rolling away.  Jude exhaled; two weeks was going to feel like an eternity.  His phone dinged.

 

_Connor: I miss you already :(_

 

Okay, strike that, it wouldn’t feel like an eternity, it would actually be an eternity.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, here's Chapter 2 :) I have to warn you that this story might go a little slow...there very well could be 5-8 chapters before we really hit where the summary begins. But I'm sure you guys won't mind, because in the meantime it'll be pretty cute/fluffy. Enjoy!

_Since when did I get attached to people so fast_ , Jude wondered as he stood there, watching as the bus eventually drove out of sight.  Connor was just some guy he’d met at a club merely hours ago.  But Jude felt almost devastated that Connor had left for two weeks.  Jude shook his head, trying to clear his mind and make the feeling go away, but it wasn’t working.  He let out a heavy sigh and shuffled back to his car, driving back to his apartment to get ready for class.

                              

But when he got there, all he did was go to his bedroom and flop facedown on his bed.

 

“Uggggggghhhhhhh,” Jude moaned.  He didn’t know how long he lay there until Justin wandered in and tapped on his shoulder.

 

“Don’t you have a class Jude?” he asked.

 

“I don’t wanna go,” Jude grumbled, rolling over onto his back.

 

“Is this about Connor?”

 

Jude nodded.

 

“Seriously?  You can see Connor later today if you want,” Justin said, rolling his eyes.

 

“Except I can’t so fuck off,” Jude retorted.

 

“Hold up, did he do something to you?” Justin questioned, eyeing Jude suspiciously.  “Do I need to go hunt a bitch down?”

 

“No Justin, I’m fine and Connor didn’t do anything to me,” Jude groaned.  “He just had to leave for two weeks with his baseball team.”

 

“Really Jude, you’re going to skip class over a guy you met last night?” Justin inquired incredulously.  “Come on Jude, get a grip!  He’s a baseball player!  If your relationship goes anywhere, this shit is going to happen all the time and you can’t let yourself mope around every time it does.”

 

“It really sucks though,” Jude whined.

 

“Congratulations Jude,” Justin quipped sarcastically.  “I’m not joining your pity parade cause frankly I don’t care that it sucks.  Newsflash, life sucks.  Now you’re going to class today even if I have to carry you there.”

 

“I hate you,” Jude mumbled, flipping Justin off.

 

“Somehow I think I’ll manage to get over that,” Justin replied.  “Get moving.  Now!”

 

Jude hated him for being an asshole about it, but Justin was right.  If this thing with Connor went anywhere, this was going to be a frequent occurrence, and Jude couldn’t shut himself in his room just because he didn’t like it.  Begrudgingly, Jude got up and got dressed, staggered out of the apartment and walked to his class.  Not that he paid attention; all he could think about was Connor and he didn’t know why.

 

* * *

 

 

That night, Jude’s phone started ringing around 1:00 AM.  Jude growled at the device; why the hell was someone calling him so late?  He picked it up, stabbing at the answer button with his eyes still closed.

 

“What do you want?” Jude mumbled angrily.

 

“Did I wake you up?  I’m sorry,” Connor answered.

 

“Oh it’s you,” Jude sighed, all of his anger rushing out of him as he breathed out.  “Yeah, you woke me up but it’s no big deal.”

 

“No really, you can go back to sleep, it’s okay,” Connor replied quietly.  “I can try to call back sometime tomorrow.”

 

“I know what’s happening here and I’d rather not play this game,” Jude chuckled.  “I want to talk to you, it doesn’t matter that I was sleeping.”

 

“Okay,” Connor said, his voice perking up.  “Soooo, how was your day?”

 

“Sucky.  I really just need a nice firm hug,” Jude lamented.  Well it was half lament, half flirt.

 

“Well we can add that to the list of things to do once I get back in—twelve days now,” Connor remarked.  “And since you can’t see me, I’ll just tell you that I’m winking at you right now.”

 

“Dork,” Jude giggled.  “But you mean to tell me that there’s a list already?”

 

“Well it’s not very long yet,” Connor admitted.  “So far the only things are ‘go on a date’, ‘give Jude a hug’, and ‘have Jude come to one of my baseball games’.”

 

“Oh so just ‘go on a date’ huh?  Everything else you made sure to mention me but not on that one; so you just gonna go on a date with some random guy then?” Jude sassed.

 

“Yeah, that’s totally what I meant,” Connor retorted.  “I’m giving you a hug and inviting you to one of my games, but I’m definitely going on a date with someone that isn’t you.”

 

“Well, as long as we have that straight,” Jude laughed.

 

“That’s a funny thing to say since you and I are anything but,” Connor joked.  They were both tired so they chortled over that one for a few minutes even though they both knew it wasn’t that funny.

 

“It’s kind of scary how much I miss you even though I barely know you,” Jude murmured once their laughter died down, more to himself than Connor.

 

“I’ve been thinking the same thing.  Maybe we’re just like, meant to be or something,” Connor commented.

 

“I wouldn’t say that we’re meant to be yet, but there is _something_ between us,” Jude mused.

 

“I guess we’ll have to find out what it is exactly,” Connor conceded.

 

“Yeah.  So did you have a game today?” Jude inquired.  Even though Jude didn’t know much about baseball, it was something that meant a lot to Connor (it was his job), so he would ask about his games, and listen even if he didn’t understand.

 

“Yeah,” Connor muttered.  “And I didn’t play very well.  I didn’t get a hit and I made an error.”

 

“Oh, I’m sorry Con.”

 

“It’s all your fault you know,” Connor teased.

 

“How was it my fault?  I wasn’t even there!” Jude protested.

 

“Maybe, but I was still thinking about you when I was supposed to be thinking about baseball,” Connor sang.

 

“Why are you so obsessed with me?” Jude quipped, quoting a line from his favorite movie.

 

“Oh no, do not go all _Mean Girls_ on me!” Connor exclaimed.

 

“God Karen, you’re so stupid!” Jude started, rattling off line after line from the movie while Connor giggled hysterically in his ear.

 

They kept going back and forth (though the subject eventually changed from talking about _Mean Girls_ ) and before Jude knew it, the sun was peeking in through the blinds of his room.  Glancing down at his watch, Jude gasped when he saw the time.

 

“Shit Connor, we’ve been talking for six and a half hours,” Jude said, interrupting Connor.

 

“I wasn’t going to sleep until 8:00 anyway.  But you probably have a class, don’t you?” Connor wondered.

 

“Yeah, but I normally sleep through it anyway,” Jude chortled.  “It’s a poetry class I’m literally passing in my sleep.”  


“Hahahaha!  Anyway, I need to let you go so you can at least show up.  Can I call tonight?  I promise I won’t keep you up late this time,” Connor said.

 

“Of course you can call me!”  Jude replied.  “Call me anytime you want.”

 

“Okay!” Connor chirped.  “I’ll talk to you tonight then!  Bye Jude!”

 

“Bye Con.”

 

“Can you at least be quieter tomorrow night?  You know some people in this apartment like to sleep!” Justin shouted through the wall of Jude’s bedroom.

 

“Like you haven’t done the same thing to me before.  Payback’s a bitch!” Jude yelled back.

 

“Fuck you!”

 

Jude just laughed.

 

* * *

 

 

Jude sleepwalked through most of the next two weeks.  Connor would always call him at 1:00 AM and they would always talk for far too long (and keep Justin up).  Jude was deprived of sleep, but he couldn’t find it within himself to care.

 

But today was finally the end of the road trip and Jude was leaning up against his car in the stadium parking lot as the bus pulled up.  Connor bounded off the bus, hopping like a bunny as he made his way over to Jude.

 

“Hey Jude!” Connor cheered, skittering to a halt in front of Jude with a huge grin on his face.

 

“Hey Con,” Jude smiled.  “Glad to have you back.”

 

“I’m glad to be back—with you,” Connor replied.

 

“You’re a sap,” Jude said, gently shoving Connor.

 

“So this is the infamous Jude huh?” someone asked, stepping up beside Connor.

 

“Infamous?  Oh God Con, what did you tell them about me?” Jude groaned.

 

“He didn’t tell me anything, we just happen to room together and he kept me up for hours,” the other guy chuckled.

 

“My flatmate had the same complaint,” Jude snorted.  “I think one night he threatened to chuck my phone out the window.”

 

“I take it I’ll have to get used to it though,” he shrugged.

 

“One can only hope.”

 

“Okay, well it was nice to meet you Jude.  I’m sure I’ll see you around,” he said, shaking Jude’s hand.

 

“Who was that?” Jude inquired once he was far enough away.

 

“That’s Steve,” Connor told him.  “He’s the closest thing I have to a friend on the team.”

 

“He seems like a nice guy,” Jude conceded as they walked back to the bus to grab Connor’s suitcase.

 

“He’s okay,” Connor admitted.  “At least he’s not a homophobe like a lot of the other guys are.”

 

“It’s 2021, you have to be kidding me!” Jude exclaimed.

 

“Professional sports seem to be lagging behind the rest of society,” Connor sighed.  “As much as I want to get to the majors, that’s one of the things I’m really scared about.”

 

“Well you never know,” Jude answered.  “You’re not there yet, you might be surprised.”

 

“I’m not counting on it,” Connor said dejectedly.  “But I don’t want to talk about this.  Let’s head back to my place so I can drop my stuff off.”

 

Jude glanced over at Connor, trying to decide whether it was worth forcing Connor to talk about this more.  Jude was starting to feel that if Connor made it to the major leagues (and that was still a fairly big “if”), his sexuality likely wouldn’t just affect Connor, it would affect him too.  But in a choice Jude would eventually come to regret, he let the matter go.  So they silently climbed into Jude’s car and took off for Connor’s apartment.

 

What they found was not Connor’s apartment, but rather the charred remains of the building.

 

“Umm,” Jude murmured in shock.  Connor, on the other hand was chuckling.

 

“Of course this would happen to me,” he mused.  “Took me five fucking months to find a place I could afford and then barely two weeks later it burns to the ground.  Just my luck I guess.”

 

“Well I think you are actually in luck this time around,” Jude remarked, putting the car in drive and easing away from the burned down structure.

 

“Wait, where are we going?” Connor asked, giving Jude a confused look.

 

“My place,” Jude answered calmly.

 

“No Jude, I can’t,” Connor protested.  “I don’t want to impose.”

 

“It’s a big apartment,” Jude shrugged.  “And there’s already an extra room available.”

 

“What about Justin?”

 

“It’s my apartment and if he doesn’t like it, he can fucking move out,” Jude replied.  “Connor, this is really not an option.  I’m not letting you sleep in your car or on the streets.”

 

“Are you sure?”

 

“Yep,” Jude said, pulling into his parking spot and leading Connor up to the apartment.

 

“Jude, lover boy,” Justin quipped when they walked in the door, doing a double take when he registered that Connor had his suitcase.  “Moving in already I see.”

 

“Yes he is,” Jude stated.

 

“I meant that as a joke, you can’t tell me that he really is moving in with you!” Justin exclaimed

 

“He’s not moving in with _me_ Justin,” Jude retorted.  “He’s moving into the extra room because his building burned down.”

 

“Sorry to hear that,” Justin said to Connor.

 

“I don’t really care,” Connor admitted.  “It was a shit place anyway.”

 

“Okay well, you two better behave yourselves,” Justin smirked.  “I don’t want any funny business going on.”

 

“Uh-huh, sure, and I’ll make sure there’s no funny business the next time you bring a girl back here,” Jude countered.

 

“Fuck you,” Justin spat.

 

“Sorry but that’s Connor’s job,” Jude shot back without thinking.

 

“Jude!” Connor yelped.

 

“Oops, that was a little too forward, wasn’t it?” Jude asked timidly.

 

“Maybe just a little,” Connor said, starting to giggle.  “Justin really seems to get under your skin.  How are you two even living together, you don’t get along at all.”

 

“He’s like my brother,” Jude shrugged.  “It’s kind of what we’re supposed to do.”

 

“Oh,” Connor responded quietly.  “I never had any siblings, so I wouldn’t know.”

 

“Well I have—”

 

“Surprise Jude!” Mariana screeched, bursting through the door.  “Are you shocked—well hello, who is this?”

 

“Of course you had to show up now,” Jude groaned, rolling his eyes.  “Mariana, this is Connor, Connor this is one of my sisters, Mariana.”

 

“Nice to meet you,” Connor greeted her cautiously.

 

“Who is he to you and why is he here with a suitcase, huh Jude?  Spill,” Mariana commanded.

 

“W-well, it’s hard to explain exactly,” Jude stuttered, rubbing the back of his neck nervously.  “We’re not dating because we haven’t been on a date yet, but we’re not just friends either.”

 

“So he’s like your fuck buddy,” Mariana concluded.

 

“No!” Jude shrieked.  “We are not doing that!  I met Connor at a club two weeks ago and we’ve been talking ever since and we have plans to go on a date.  That’s all that’s happening here.”

 

“That explains one part of it, but not why he’s here with a suitcase,” Mariana observed, crossing her arms and staring Jude down sternly.

 

“His apartment building burned down so he’s moving into the extra room.”

 

“Okay then,” Mariana accepted.  “I’m here to take you out to dinner, so he might as well tag along.”

 

“I uh—” Connor stammered.

 

“Would you rather stay here with Justin?” Jude asked pointedly.  Connor shook his head violently.  “I guess then you’re coming with me and Mariana for dinner.”

 

* * *

 

 

It had been—awkward so far to say the least.  Mariana appeared to be overanalyzing every action.  Jude chose to sit next to Connor and Mariana would grin at him slyly.  Their shoulders would brush and Mariana would let out a small squeal.  They looked at each other and Mariana went “awww.”  Jude had finally had enough.

 

“Mariana, can you please calm down?” Jude inquired exasperatedly.

 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, it’s just that you two are so cute together!” Mariana asserted.

 

“Thanks Mari, but we’re not—are we?” Jude said, turning to look at Connor.

 

“I guess we can wait until after the first date to say that, but I was kind of thinking we were,” Connor mumbled.

 

“I’m okay with that,” Jude shrugged.  “I was just thinking you might want to wait, with baseball and all that.  I mean, this is the first time we’ve seen each other since that first night.”

 

“Sure we haven’t seen each other much, but we’ve talked for hours every night,” Connor countered.  “I think I know you well enough to know that I want to try this out.”

 

“Yeah, me too,” Jude whispered.  “Okay, so I guess Connor _is_ my boyfriend then.”

 

“Congratulations Jude on your first boyfriend!” Mariana screamed from excitement.

 

“First boyfriend?” Connor wondered, looking at Jude questioningly.

 

“I looked at dating in high school as a distraction and I’ve just been too shy for most of college,” Jude muttered, his cheeks turning pink.

 

“Shy?  I can’t picture you as shy.  You’ve been anything but with me,” Connor remarked.

 

“I—I don’t know why, I suppose there was just something about you that didn’t make me feel shy around you,” Jude uttered.

 

“Aww, babe,” Connor cooed, putting an arm around Jude and making the blush on his face turn about ten shades darker.  Despite his embarrassment, Jude still leaned his head over onto Connor’s shoulder.

 

“Okay, okay,” Mariana cut in quickly.  “Now that I’m done fangirling, I have to tell you Connor, if you break Jude’s heart, all of his siblings will be coming for you.”

 

“All of them?” Connor swallowed.

 

“Yeah.  You don’t have to worry about me or Brandon so much, but I would be very afraid of Callie and Jesus,” Mariana spoke threateningly.  “Callie is Jude’s overprotective sister and Jesus is a professional wrestler.  If anything happens to Jude, I would watch your back.”

 

“Mariana, can we save the threats for after our first date?” Jude sighed.

 

“Hey, I’m just being a good big sister,” Mariana explained.  “You know, the family is going to want to meet him soon.”

 

“Don’t tell me you already told everyone about Connor!” Jude grumbled.

 

“Jude, really?  Is that a question you even need to ask?” Mariana said, side-eying Jude.  Jude pulled out his phone, glancing down at the barrage of texts that were already flying back and forth on the family group chat.

 

“Umm, when do you have your next off-day?” Jude questioned sheepishly.  “They’re all going to want to meet you ASAP.”

 

“Oh, I forgot to tell you!” Connor interjected.  “We played our last games of the season on that road trip.  I have a month before I have to get back to baseball stuff.”

 

“Great, so I’ll get it set up and you’ll both come by this weekend!” Mariana cheered, indicating by her tone that it wasn’t an option for either of them.

 

“I guess you’re getting thrown into the fire right away,” Jude murmured.

 

“That’s okay, we’ve still got two days to prepare,” Connor laughed.  “How about we go on that date tomorrow though?”

 

“Yeah, we can do that,” Jude answered as Mariana kept chatting away in the background.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, here's another filler chapter...I know it seems like it's taking forever to get to the really interesting part but I really wanted to create their relationship before we got there. Besides, once we get there, I think y'all will be thanking me for these first three or four chapters. *smirks* Enjoy the funny/cute/fluff while it lasts :) (Also apologies if the plot seems a touch disjointed in these next few chapters, I promise that if it is, it'll be fixed by Chapter 5)

Eventually they ran out of things to talk about with Mariana (shocking as that might sound) and she drove them back to Jude’s apartment.  When they walked inside, Connor immediately grabbed his suitcase (which still stood by the door) and made his way to the extra room.  Jude followed him, dramatically swan diving onto the bed while Connor giggled at him.  Connor put the suitcase down on the bed next to Jude, unzipping the top and slowly unpacking his clothes and other items that were in it.

 

“So um, what all did you lose?” Jude questioned, rolling over onto his stomach and propping his head up on his hands, looking at Connor intently.

 

“I don’t think I lost that much,” Connor shrugged, pausing what he was doing for a moment to consider the question.  “I mean I lost a bunch of clothes and most of the basic stuff, but other than that, there was just my TV and gaming system I think.”

 

“Well then maybe for our date tomorrow, we could do lunch and shopping,” Jude suggested.  “You know, so you can replace the stuff that got burnt up.”

 

Connor sighed and sat down on the bed, digging out his phone and frowning at the screen for a few minutes.

 

“As great an idea as that is, I just can’t Jude,” Connor admitted sadly.  “I don’t have the money to replace anything right now.”

 

“Look Connor, I have some extra money right now, I can handle this for you,” Jude replied.

 

“I really appreciate it, but I can’t take that,” Connor answered.  “You’re already doing me a really big favor by allowing me stay here.  Letting you to do anything more for me would just be taking advantage of you.”

 

“Except you wouldn’t be, cause that’s something I decide, not you,” Jude argued, shuffling so that he was sitting up next to Connor, placing a hand on his shoulder.  “Besides, I wasn’t suggesting that I’d actually pay for the stuff, it would just be in the interim until you can pay me back.”

 

“Are you really sure you can do that?” Connor asked, looking at Jude with concern.

 

“Yeah, I’m positive.”

 

“Thanks Jude,” Connor murmured, putting his arm around Jude and pulling him in snugly to his side.  Jude sighed contentedly, removing his hand from Connor’s shoulder and replacing it with his head.  Connor stifled a giggle, which did not go unnoticed by Jude.

 

“What was that for?” Jude said quizzically.

 

“Your hair was tickling my neck,” Connor remarked. 

 

“Oh I see,” Jude chuckled, nodding his head and making sure that it brushed up against Connor’s neck, smirking all the while.

 

“I should’ve known better than to tell you that,” Connor mumbled while he laughed softly.

 

“But you did so here we are,” Jude grinned.  “Now I have a weapon to use against you.”

 

“Enjoy it while it lasts,” Connor quipped.  “I’ll find something to get you back with.  Hmmm, are you ticklish?”  Jude hummed in reply, so Connor experimentally wiggled his fingers into Jude’s side.  Jude let out a snort of laughter and tried to wriggle away from Connor while his giggling grew louder and more vicious.

 

“Okay!  Okay I give in!” Jude screeched after a few seconds.

 

“Jesus guys, can you keep it down!” Justin shouted.  “I really don’t want to be able to hear—whatever it is you two are doing.”

 

“I make no promises,” Jude retorted.  They heard Justin groan, followed by the front door slamming.

 

“I guess it’s just you and me for a while,” Connor smirked, waggling his eyebrows at Jude.

 

“Yeah no, that’s not happening tonight,” Jude replied tensely.  “As much as I would love to, the thing is, I really like you.  I want us to take our time and go slow and not just—”

 

“I know what you mean, I was really just joking,” Connor shrugged, flashing Jude a smile.

 

“Okay good,” Jude said, breathing a sigh of relief, getting up and moving towards the door.  “So um, I’ll see you tomorrow morning?”

 

“You definitely will,” Connor beamed.  “Good night Jude.”

 

“Good night Con.”

 

* * *

 

 

“So where do you want to start?” Jude asked.  They had finished lunch and were now wandering around a mall, looking for a place to begin shopping.

 

“Umm, how about there?” Connor said, pointing out a store that had a large display of plaid flannels in the front window.

 

“We can go there, _if_ you’re not looking at those God-awful plaid shirts,” Jude answered.

 

“What, you think I don’t look good in plaid?” Connor pressed, sounding playfully offended.

 

“No, that’s not it.  You could make anything look good Connor,” Jude responded timidly, a blush beginning to creep up his cheeks.

 

“Well then, what’s the problem?” Connor queried, grabbing Jude’s hand and dragging him into the store.

 

“I watched you unpack last night and _all_ you have is plaid shirts!” Jude explained.  “A wardrobe of entirely plaid shirts is just wrong and obnoxious.”

 

“Oh come on, please Jude, can I get one plaid shirt at least?” Connor begged.  Jude was going to refuse until he caught sight of Connor’s puppy dog eyes, and his resolve completely crumbled.

 

“Okay fine, you can get _one_ but only one,” Jude conceded.  “That’s my limit.”

 

“Okay!” Connor grinned as he pulled Jude to the rack of plaid shirts.

 

* * *

 

 

If Jude thought Mariana took forever to shop for new clothes, then he was in for a huge surprise, because Connor took even longer than her.  After an hour, Connor was _still_ trying on plaid shirts, trying to pick out his favorite one.  And Jude was trying to be patient; at his worst, Jude could rival Mariana for how long it took for him to shop, but Connor had surpassed him and so this was just getting ridiculous.

 

“You do know we have to get other things, right?” Jude asked exasperatedly.  “We can’t spend the whole afternoon picking out one plaid shirt.”

 

“I know, I know, I just have to find the perfect one,” Connor justified.

 

“I’m not sure why it has to be perfect,” Jude groaned.  “I already told you that you look fantastic in everything!”

 

“Okay, fine.  This one then,” Connor said, rolling his eyes as he shoved the shirt at Jude.

 

“Alright, plaid shirt, check.  What next?” Jude replied.

 

“Um, I think jeans,” Connor shrugged.  Jude nodded and started walking that direction.  Connor grabbed a couple pairs and went into the fitting room to try them on.  Once he was inside, Jude snuck away and grabbed a pair of skinny jeans, slipping them under the door without telling Connor what they were.  Jude should’ve felt more ashamed for doing that than he did; but frankly, he just wanted to see Connor in skinny jeans.  He had a feeling that—

 

“Hey Jude, what are these?  They seem a little tighter than all the other pairs of jeans,” Connor mused, stepping out of the cubicle for Jude to see.  And in that moment, Jude had zero regrets as he stared at Connor’s legs (and ass), a smirk spreading across his face.  “Wait, Jude did you—”

 

“Yup.”

 

“Enjoying the view?” Connor smirked back.

 

“Immensely.”

 

“Well then, maybe you should go grab me a couple other pairs to try on,” Connor giggled as Jude turned on his heel as soon as Connor finished speaking, making a beeline for the skinny jeans and grabbing four more pairs (which they ended up buying them all).

 

* * *

 

 

It took them all afternoon and most of the evening, but finally they made it back to the apartment with everything Connor needed (and of course, as it always goes with clothes shopping, a few things he didn’t).

 

“That was the most fun I’ve had on a date in—well I think ever.  And not just because I got to see you in skinny jeans,” Jude pointed out while they were in Connor’s room (again) as he put away everything they had bought.

 

“That was my first date,” Connor mumbled.

 

“Really, that was your first date?” Jude questioned, giving Connor a confused look.

 

“Well, actually no,” Connor admitted.  “I used to date all the time in high school.  This—this was just my first date with a guy.”

 

“Okay, and how was it?”

 

“Better than any expectations I had coming in,” Connor said.  “It’s really nice to be on a date with someone I actually like.”

 

“Yeah, I’ll agree with you on that,” Jude laughed.  “I don’t think I’ve ever been on a date with someone I liked before.  They were always guys I just found attractive.”

 

“Oh, so you’re saying I’m not attractive?” Connor teased.  Jude shot him a dirty look.

 

“I can’t believe you have the nerve to say something like that,” Jude quipped.  “You’re probably the most attractive boy I’ve ever laid eyes on!”

 

“Well the same goes for you,” Connor retorted.

 

“Ha ha, that’s funny but you can shut up now,” Jude replied dryly.

 

“But you are!” Connor insisted.

 

“Yeah right,” Jude snorted.  “Guys like you never find me attractive.  I mean, you do realize that you’re about 10,000 miles out of my league, right?”

 

“I can’t believe someone as hot as you thinks they’re not.”

 

“Connor—”

 

“Jude, I really mean it!” Connor shouted Jude down.  Jude stared at him for a moment, stunned with his mouth hanging open, before he tackled Connor onto his back, smashing his lips onto Connor’s.  Jude didn’t even bother with being chaste, almost immediately nipping at Connor’s bottom lip and begging for entrance with his tongue as his hands slid up under Connor’s shirt.

 

“What happened to—taking our time—and going slow?” Connor asked breathlessly in between kisses.

 

“You think I’m hot,” Jude said with a desperate and raspy voice, “so fuck that.”  He paused, stopping for a moment to look Connor in the eye.  “I mean, as long as you’re okay with this.”

 

“Shut up and fucking kiss me.”

 

* * *

 

 

Jude woke up in Connor’s bed with his head on Connor’s (bare) chest, memories of the last night playing in his mind.  He smiled, thinking about how great it felt.  How he managed to land someone like Connor, Jude didn’t know, but at this point, he was far from questioning it.  He’d been thinking about it ever since a week after he met Connor and there wasn’t any doubt in Jude’s mind now; Connor was “the one” and after last night, he was pretty sure Connor thought the same about him.

 

“Morning babe,” Connor muttered, reaching over to absentmindedly play with Jude’s hair.

 

“Hi,” Jude whispered, stretching his arm out and grabbing Connor’s unoccupied hand, entwining their fingers together.  “How are you doing this morning?”

 

“I don’t know yet,” Connor giggled.  “I’ll let you know when I try to get up.”

 

“Hey Con?” Jude said, taking a deep breath.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“I love you.”

 

Connor was quiet for a long time.  Jude couldn’t help but tense up; okay so maybe he was wrong about Connor and jumped the gun on that one.  It was just, between the previous two plus weeks and last night, obvious to Jude what he was feeling for Connor.  It really was too soon, but he couldn’t help it.

 

“Yeah, I love you too,” Connor finally answered.  Jude relaxed, a quiet laugh escaping his lips.

 

“I’m glad you do, but maybe I would hold off on that until you meet my family,” Jude joked, feeling comfortable enough to do that now that Connor had said it back to him.

 

“They can’t be that bad.  Besides, you’re worth putting up with them for if they are,” Connor replied, placing a kiss on the top of Jude’s head.

 

“Speaking of my family, we should probably get moving.  We’re supposed to be going over there for lunch today,” Jude sighed, rolling off of Connor and getting out of bed to get dressed.  Connor sniggered as he emerged from under the blankets, revealing his fully unclothed body for Connor to see.  Connor reached out and grabbed his hand, yanking him back onto the bed, pressing their mouths together.  "Mmph, Connor we have to be leaving in forty minutes, we don’t have time.”

 

Connor pouted, but Jude averted his eyes, knowing full well if he looked at Connor, he’d give in.  He stood back up again, picking his clothes up from on the floor and tossing on his boxers so he could walk across the hall to his room and put on a clean outfit.  Justin was passing the room as Jude stepped out into the hallway.  He stopped, looking at the pile of clothes in Jude’s arms, his messy hair and still swollen lips wide-eyed before breaking into grin, holding up his hand for Jude to give him a high five.

 

“Way to go Jude!” Justin cheered.

 

“You’re obnoxious,” Jude mumbled.  “But thanks,” he continued, returning the high five as his cheeks began to heat up.  After he did, Justin gave him a pat on the back and then continued onto the living room while Jude ducked into his room, tossing on black skinny jeans and a t-shirt.  After he did, he quickly styled his hair and then made his way back into Connor’s room, where Connor was moving gingerly, still trying to get dressed.

 

“Sorry,” Jude frowned when Connor winced as he stood up.

 

“Don’t be,” Connor smirked, delicately shuffling across the floor to where Jude stood.  “I promise it was all worth the pain.”

 

“You know, if you keep moving like that, my entire family is going to know what we did,” Jude cautiously pointed out.

 

“I’ll try and walk normally, but I make no promises,” Connor shrugged, leaning over and pecking Jude on the lips.  They linked hands and walked out of the apartment to head over and face Jude’s family.

 

* * *

 

 

Connor didn’t even make it in the door before being mobbed.  As soon as they pulled up, Jude’s moms appeared on the front porch, gathering around Connor and smashing him into a mom sandwich.

 

“Hey moms,” Jude said, chuckling over the fact that they went right for Connor and ignored him.

 

“Oh hey bubba,” greeted Lena, as she and Stef moved to give Jude his hug.  “It’s great to see you!”

 

“It’s great to see you guys too,” Jude smiled.  “So that’s Connor,” he continued, gesturing to him.  “But I’m guessing you already figured that out.”

 

“Yeah, we did love,” Stef chortled.  “Come on, let’s go inside.”  Jude grabbed Connor’s hand and they began strolling up to the house.  Stef and Lena looked at them for a minute, observing their movements before bursting out into laughter.

 

“Looks like you two had a little fun last night,” Lena giggled.

 

“Mama!” Jude hissed, his face turning a dark shade of red.

 

“Bud, you’re 21, there’s no need to be embarrassed,” Lena chided.

 

“I could be 75 and I would still be embarrassed to talk with my moms about my sex life,” Jude retorted as they stepped into the house.

 

“Who’s talking with moms about their sex life?” a female voice wondered.

 

“Nobody!  I was literally saying I wouldn’t,” Jude grumbled.  The woman laughed, and then walked out and embraced Jude.  “Hey Callie.”

 

“Hey Jude,” she replied as the front door opened and three more adults came streaming into the house.

 

“Oh great, everyone’s here, let me do the introductions real quick,” Jude shouted over the din caused by the new entrants.  “That’s Callie…Jesus, Brandon…you’ve met Mariana and then my moms, Stef and Lena.”

 

“Wow, you have a very big family,” Connor remarked.

 

“Yeah, and it’s getting bigger from the sounds of it,” Callie commented impishly.

 

“Oh my God shut up!” Jude shot back.

 

“Well Connor is your boyfriend,” Mariana argued.

 

“And you two had sex last night,” Callie continued

 

“Callie!” Jude yelped.

 

“Hey, I’m just helping you out,” Callie shrugged.  “They were all going to figure it out once they saw Connor walk.”

 

“Well maybe not Jesus,” Brandon chimed in.

 

“Hey, I think I can tell when someone is sore from having wild sex!” Jesus protested.

 

“Can we stop talking about this?” Jude shrieked as his cheeks just kept getting darker.

 

“Okay, okay,” Lena said calmly.  “Lunch is pretty much ready anyway, let’s all go eat.”

 

They all made their way into the kitchen, but Jude held Connor back for a second.

 

“You still love me now?” he asked anxiously.  He was just kidding when he first said it, but now that his family was being—well his family, he was legitimately terrified that they might scare Connor off.

 

“Yeah, of course,” Connor grinned.  “It’s funny though, seeing you be all shy about sex around them, since you certainly didn’t have any problems with being shy about it last night.”

 

“Connor!” Jude wheezed.  “Not you too!”

 

“I’m sorry,” Connor whispered, pressing a kiss to Jude’s cheek.  “Come on, let’s get in there.”

 

“So Connor, what are you studying?” Stef questioned casually once they had joined the rest of the family at the table.

 

“Baseball,” Connor stated calmly.

 

“What do you mean?” Lena replied, her face scrunched up by confusion.

 

“I’m not in college, I’m a professional baseball player,” Connor explained.  Stef couldn’t hide the shock on her face.

 

“A—a professional baseball player?  And you’re gay?”

 

“Yes.”

 

Stef and Lena shared a look that made Jude uncomfortable; whatever they were communicating to each other, it didn’t seem positive.  The conversation quickly shifted away from that, but Jude had a feeling he wasn’t going to like what his moms were going to say to him later.

 

* * *

 

 

He was right; after lunch, Jude stayed in the kitchen to help clean up while Connor went out into the living room with his siblings and as soon as they were out of sight, his moms were at his side, yapping furiously in his ears.

 

“You’re going to date a professional baseball player?” Stef interrogated.  “Do you have any idea just how awful homophobia is in professional sports?”

 

“You could be putting yourself in serious danger Jude,” Lena continued, gently placing a hand on Jude’s shoulder.

 

“Look mama,” Jude replied in hushed tones so he was sure Connor wouldn’t hear him, “I know all of that, but Connor’s just a Single-A player and there, it isn’t too bad.  He might never make it to the big leagues which means it may not ever be a problem, and I don’t want to give up love for something that might not happen.”

 

“Look love, we’re here to support you, and if Connor is who makes you happy, then we’ll support that.  I mean, he does seem like a really wonderful, caring young man,” Stef sighed.  “We just want you to be careful and take care of yourself, okay?”

 

“I know mom, and I will, I promise.”

 

“So how long have you two been dating?” Lena said, abruptly changing the subject.

 

“I’d say about three weeks,” Jude answered.

 

“You say you love him but you’ve only been dating three weeks?” Stef commented, raising an eyebrow and eyeing him suspiciously.

 

“I know what you’re thinking, but it’s not like we’ve just gone on a couple dates and then slept together.  We’ve literally talked for hours every day since we met,” Jude justified.  “Besides, I kinda just, _know_ , I guess, like I feel it in my heart, you know?”

 

Stef and Lena shared a look and smiled.

 

“We know exactly what you mean bud,” Lena chuckled.

 

* * *

 

 

“So I hear you like our brother,” Callie said sweetly, settling down next to Connor on the couch.

 

“Love,” Connor corrected.

 

“Okay so you love him,” Callie proceeded.  “Well as his siblings, you know that we need to look out for him.”  The rest of the room murmured in agreement.

 

“So if you ever break Jude’s heart, I’m going to break your face and kick your ass,” Jesus blurted out.

 

“And if you ever hurt him, I’m going to kill you, okay?  I’ve gone to juvie for Jude and I have no problem going to jail for him either,” Callie added.

 

Connor swallowed, looking at their faces and expecting to see one of them break into a smile or start laughing.  But they stayed stoic, their expressions unchanging as they stared him down.

 

“I don’t want to break his heart or hurt him, ever!” Connor answered, the color draining from his face.

 

“Good, then I think we’ll all get along just fine,” Callie said with a grin.  “Just remember that we’re not joking.”

 

Just then Jude entered the living room and his siblings dispersed, leaving the two of them alone.

 

“Remind me never to cross your siblings.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **  
> __  
>  WARNING: THIS CHAPTER IS EXPLICIT  
>    
>  **
> 
>  
> 
> So I've been getting requests to write smut for a long time (basically since I started writing) and I'll honest, I've always been curious to try, even more so recently. So, there was a perfect spot for it in this fic so I decided to go ahead and do it. Don't expect for this to become a regular occurrence though; it's possible that this is going to be a one time deal (there certainly isn't a place for it anywhere further down the road in this fic).
> 
> There will be a warning in the text when the hardcore smut begins. The smut does nothing for the plot honestly, so if you want to skip that, you won't get lost in the next chapter.
> 
> Enjoy this chapter, because the story is going to start going downhill from here...
> 
> NOTE: Levels of baseball, from highest to lowest for reference later in the chapter  
> Major League Baseball  
> Triple A  
> Double A  
> Single A  
> Rookie

Jude couldn’t believe that Connor’s off-season was over already. Four months had passed in the blink of an eye and now they were both waiting in the airport.

 

“Are you excited for baseball to start up again?” Jude asked, trying to make conversation.

 

“I guess,” Connor shrugged, his answer completely unconvincing to Jude.

 

“You guess?”

 

“Well I mean baseball is exciting and I’m glad to be getting back to it, but baseball starting again means that I won’t see you every day anymore,” Connor sighed.  “You know, with all the road trips and such.”

 

“Yeah, I’m not looking forward to that either,” Jude replied softly. “But hey, at least I get to come with you to spring training.  Imagine if we had to go a month and half without seeing each other.”  Having gotten a job as a writer after graduating, Jude worked from home, so it wasn’t that hard for him to go with Connor to spring training.

 

“I think I would die,” Connor whined, pressing a kiss to Jude’s cheek and nuzzling their noses together, while sneakily reaching down and grabbing Jude’s ass.

 

“Oh hush Con, you could go a month and a half without sex,” Jude said, rolling his eyes as he swatted Connor’s hand away.

 

“No I couldn’t,” Connor huffed, folding his arms across his chest. “I’m not even sure how I’m going to survive the long road trips this upcoming season.  God, it’s like you don’t even know me,” he continued dramatically.

 

“Have I ever told you that you’re needy?”

 

“Multiple times,” Connor smirked.

 

“Well I’m telling you again,” Jude giggled, gently flicking Connor’s nose affectionately.

 

“But it’s not just about not seeing you as much,” Connor admitted. “I’m nervous about having a really bad spring and ending up in Single-A again this year.”

 

“You’re getting better, or so you and Steve have told me,” Jude said reassuringly. “I don’t think you’ll be there again this year.  Besides, if you need some motivation to play better, I might be able to help with that,” Jude continued, giving Connor a crooked grin as he squeezed Connor’s butt.

 

“Well in that case—”

 

_7:30 AM flight from San Diego to Orlando now boarding_

“And that would be our cue,” Jude remarked, his voice calm and seeming completely unaffected by the exchange they just had.  He stood up and grabbed Connor’s hand to help him up. Connor took his hand, entwining their fingers together once he was on his feet.

* * *

The flight itself was without incident, save for the woman a few seats over who shot them disapproving glances the whole time.  Something about the way she was looking at them unnerved Jude. He was trying to fall asleep on Connor’s shoulder, but he couldn’t, not with her looking at them like that.

 

“Did you see that woman who kept looking at us?” Jude inquired once they were off the plane and far enough away from the woman that she wouldn’t hear.

 

“The one with the dark hair?”

 

“Yeah, that one.”

 

“Oh, she’s my agent,” Connor remarked nonchalantly.

 

“She’s your agent?” Jude exclaimed, his eyes nearly bugging out of his head.

 

“Yeah,” Connor answered slowly.  “Something wrong with that?”

 

“No, it’s just—she kept tossing us deploring looks.  You know, the kinds of looks we get from people who don’t like that we’re two guys together?  It was just making me really uncomfortable.” Jude explained.

 

“I have a meeting with her this afternoon.  I’m sure she doesn’t have a problem with us being together, but if you’re really worried about that, you can always come with me to my meeting and meet her,” Connor suggested.

 

“Yeah, okay.”

* * *

 

Jude shuffled into her office behind Connor.  It was a small, white, characterless room, with three black chairs and a black table tucked in a corner of the space.

 

“Good afternoon Connor,” she said brightly.

 

“Hi Tanisha,” Connor replied, taking a seat in one of the chairs and motioning for Jude to do the same, scooting the chairs closely together.

 

“And who might this be?” she asked, sitting down in the chair in front of them.

 

“This is Jude, my boyfriend,” Connor said, taking Jude’s hand and weaving their fingers together.  Jude noticed her face fell (though nearly imperceptibly) immediately at the word “boyfriend,” and she shifted around in her seat uncomfortably.

 

“It’s nice to meet you Jude,” she spoke, sounding as bright as before, but with a hint of strain underlying her tone, like she was faking her friendliness. “I didn’t hear that you were dating anyone,” she added sternly, turning back to Connor.

 

“We started dating right at the end of the season, so then it was the off-season and we don’t talk much during the off-season,” Connor shrugged.

 

“Oh, so you’ve been dating for what?”

 

“Four months.  The four best months of my life,” Connor grinned, turning and giving Jude a lovesick look.

 

“Mmm,” she hummed quietly, with a frown on her face.  Connor didn’t notice though; he was too busy getting lost in Jude’s eyes.

 

“Anyway,” Connor said after a moment.  “You said there were a few business things to take care of?”

 

“Yeah, I just wanted to check with you on a couple of the clauses in your contract—”

 

Jude tuned most of the rest of the meeting out from that point on, instead focusing on Connor and his concentrated face, but he couldn’t ignore that Tanisha was scowling at him every time Connor looked away from her. It seemed pretty obvious that, for whatever reason, she didn’t like him very much.

 

“You know she doesn’t like me, right?” Jude commented as they walked out of the office to get a taxi to their rented condo.

 

“That’s ridiculous Jude,” Connor responded dismissively. “How could she? You’re impossible to dislike,” he explained, throwing an arm around Jude’s shoulder.

 

“Well tell that to the glares I was getting every time you weren’t looking,” Jude retorted.

 

“I highly doubt she was glaring at you,” Connor countered. “I’ve known her for a while, and she was probably just looking at you.  She kinda has a resting bitch face.”

 

“Con, I think I know the difference between a glare and a resting bitch face.”

 

“Jude, just trust me, she doesn’t hate you.  Besides, we probably won’t have to see her again until next year anyway.”

 

“Yeah okay” Jude muttered under his breath, deciding that, with that in mind, this argument wasn’t worth pursuing with Connor.  If Tanisha wasn’t going to be a big part of their lives, why should he worry about whether she liked him or not?  So he pushed her out of his mind and went back with Connor to the condo, enjoying their last completely free evening together before spring training started the next day.

* * *

 

_*A Month and a Half Later*_

“I’m really nervous Jude,” Connor muttered as Jude adjusted Connor’s jersey in the living room of their rented condo.

 

“It’s just like any other game Con.”

 

“But it’s not!” Connor protested.  “The manager told me I’ve played really well all spring, and if I play well again today I might make Triple-A!”

 

“I know you’ve explained this, but can you tell me what that means again,” Jude frowned, feeling bad that he had to ask Connor to outline the levels of minor league baseball again.

 

“Jude, Triple-A is only one level below the Majors,” Connor said, running a hand through his hair anxiously.  “If I could get there, I’d only be one step away from making it!”

 

“Still, why would you be nervous?  All you have to do is the same things you’ve been doing for the last month and a half,” Jude responded.  It all seemed easy to him; hit the ball, catch the ball, repeat.  Of course he knew it wasn’t, but sometimes he forgot.

 

“That’s hard when all I can do is think about how close I could be to getting to the majors,” Connor sighed.

 

“I think I have something that can take your mind off that,” Jude smirked. Jude knew there was one thing that was certain to take Connor’s attention off of baseball. There was _only_ one thing.

 

“Hmm, what’s that?” Connor asked, his nerves making him oblivious to the expression on Jude’s face.

 

“Two words,” Jude whispered, standing up on his tiptoes so he could speak right into Connor’s ear.  “Celebratory sex.”

 

“Y-yeah, that would take my m-mind off it,” Connor replied, his face flushing as Jude grazed his hand over Connor’s crotch.

 

“Perfect,” Jude said, nipping on Connor’s earlobe before leaning back so he could stand flat on his feet again.  “So it’s a deal.  You play well out there, and we get to play around in here.”

 

“And w-what if I don’t p-play well?” Connor stuttered as Jude moved away.

 

“You get nothing,” Jude shrugged.

 

“B-b-but—”

 

“What part of the word ‘celebratory’ don’t you understand?” Jude chided.

 

Connor’s jaw shifted, setting into a determined look.  Jude struggled to hold himself back from jumping Connor right then. In reality, he wasn’t serious at all when he told Connor that he wouldn’t be getting sex afterwards if he didn’t have a good game.  All Connor would have to do is give him one look (and not a specific look either; all he would need to do is look at Jude, _period_ ) and he would completely melt, and he was pretty sure Connor knew this too. But at least by saying it, he hoped that would have _some_ kind of effect on Connor.

 

“Now we better get going before you’re late for warm-ups,” Jude remarked, linking his hand with Connor’s and leading him towards the door.

 

“J-just a m-minute,” Connor stammered, trying to pull his hand away. Jude couldn’t help but grin; yep, it had an effect on Connor for sure.

 

“Nope, you don’t have time for that,” Jude answered, tightening his grip. “Save that for later. Channel it into your play, I think it’ll help.”

 

Connor reluctantly nodded and followed Jude out the door.

* * *

 

After being with Connor for almost six months and after having gone to every single one of his spring training games, Jude still didn’t know much about baseball.  But that wasn’t what mattered anyway.  What mattered was Connor’s ass in baseball pants.  That, and the fact that as the catcher, Connor spent most of his time squatting behind home plate.  Jude’s reserved seat always gave him the perfect view of that perfect butt so he could—well basically drool over Connor.  Jude was sure everyone around him knew that’s what he was doing, but he never found it within himself to care.

 

Tonight though, Jude wasn’t focusing on how Connor could drive him crazy. No, he was going to focus on Connor so he could tease him in every way he knew how.  Connor always looked over at him when he had the chance out on the diamond.  If Connor wanted a distraction, that’s what Jude was going to give him.

 

When Connor jogged out on the field to start the first inning, he glanced over at Jude like he always did.  Jude was leaning back in his chair, his legs spread out and his hand resting in between them provocatively.  Jude watched as Connor’s face went blank and he nearly tripped as he made his way to home plate.  Jude smirked and when Connor’s eyes returned to the field, he went back to sitting normally, his mission accomplished.

 

And so it went for the entire game, with Jude ceaselessly teasing Connor from his place in the stands.  The first time Connor came up to bat, Jude’s arm was on the armrest, his head resting on his hand, his fingers lying close to his mouth.  When Connor glanced over his way, Jude may have “accidentally” let one of the fingers slip into his mouth, and he may have “unwittingly” hollowed out his cheeks and sucked on the finger a bit.  When Connor settled into the batter’s box, with runners on first and second, he took the first pitch he saw and blasted it into the left field bleachers.  Jude smiled approvingly as Connor made his way around the bases.

 

Jude’s tactic of building Connor’s sexual frustration worked to perfection. Connor went 3-5 with a single, a double, a home run and five RBI’s to go with two runners caught stealing. There was no doubt about Connor making Triple-A now, and it was all thanks to Jude.  Now that the game was over, he was probably just as anxious as Connor to get back to the condo.

* * *

 

“You played a great game!  Congratulations babe,” Jude cooed as they made their way back into the condo. “And now, I think it’s time for that celebration I promised you,” he continued with a smirk, putting an arm around Connor (making sure to graze his ass on the way) and leading him into the bedroom.

 

Once they were inside, Jude pushed Connor onto the bed and leapt on top of him, pressing their lips together desperately (it’s not like teasing Connor had no effect on him at all).  Jude teased Connor, keeping the pace slow and denying him entry when he nipped at Jude’s lower lip.  Connor bit his lip again and Jude pulled away.

 

“A little needy tonight, aren’t we?” he chuckled smugly, looking into Connor’s eyes which were dark with lust.  He couldn’t help but tease Connor just a little bit longer. It was enjoyable for Jude, the reactions he was able to extract out of him.  Connor seized Jude’s head and brought their lips together again, desperate to kiss the cocky grin off of Jude’s face.  Jude licked Connor’s lips with his tongue and Connor readily opened his mouth, letting Jude’s tongue slide into it.

 

As he did, Jude’s hands were starting to find their way to Connor’s jersey, fumbling with the buttons.  Connor swatted Jude’s hands away momentarily, getting the buttons undone himself and shrugging the jersey off to reveal his bare chest. Jude’s hands then returned to Connor’s torso, sliding up and down from Connor’s shoulders to the waistband of his baseball pants.  Jude stopped and reached down, tauntingly snapping the waistband.  Connor’s hands flew down to hold Jude’s there but Jude was too fast.

 

“Ah, patience Connor.  We’re not there yet,” Jude grinned maliciously, taking Connor’s wrists and pinning them down on the bed.  Connor may have been stronger than Jude, but when he was in the throes of lust, he was willing and pliant under Jude’s control.  Jude dove in and flicked his tongue over the soft spot on Connor’s neck.  He ground his teeth into the spot and Connor moaned. He kissed the teeth marks, soothingly running his mouth over them before opening his jaw and biting down again. Jude repeated this process over and over again until there was a satisfactory red mark on Connor’s neck.

 

Jude removed his hands from Connor’s wrists as he moved down, leaving hickeys on Connor’s collarbone and chest.  Again, Connor got impatient and used his now free hands to push on the top of Jude’s head, trying to force it lower.  Jude smirked at Connor’s eagerness; Connor was always super eager in bed. If it wasn’t for Jude forcing him to slow down, sex would last five minutes, at the most.  But that was never what Jude had in mind. Jude was a master of self-control and he could tease Connor for hours if he wanted to.

 

_** SMUT WARNING ** _

Jude decided that Connor had waited long enough.  This was a celebration after all, so he gave him a little bit of what he wanted, laying his hand on the considerable bulge in Connor’s pants as he brought his mouth back up to kiss Connor more.  Connor bucked his hips in search of friction and Jude bit Connor’s lip in a stern rebuff.  It was a celebration sure, but one that Jude was still fully in control of.

 

Connor whimpered; he couldn’t stand the overwhelming feeling of want for Jude that was rushing over him as the warmth of Jude’s hand radiated over his dick. To try and distract himself (since he didn’t want to earn another reprimand from Jude), Connor focused on the fact that Jude was still wearing all of his clothes and extended his arms, sliding his fingers under the hem of Jude’s shirt.  Jude raised his arms, letting Connor pull the fabric up over his head while Connor tried not to whine at the loss of Jude’s hand.  When Jude went back to kissing him, Connor brought his hands up to Jude’s chest.  He knew just what to do to get some of what he needed, so he brushed his thumbs over Jude’s nipples, which were already stiff.  Jude pulled away startled.

 

“Jesus Connor,” Jude panted.  Even in the dark, Connor could tell that Jude’s entire body was flushing. “You know just how to manipulate me don’t you?”

 

“Oh you bet I do,” Connor couldn’t hold back a giggle as he flipped Jude over onto his back, crawling down and settling in between his legs. Deciding to give Jude a taste of his own medicine, agonizingly slowly Connor played with the belt holding Jude’s jeans up, undoing the buckle with total deliberateness. Next, he did the same with the button to Jude’s jeans, taking his time as he undid it and the zipper, sluggishly sliding the garment down off of Jude’s legs, leaving Jude wearing nothing but a tight pair of blue underwear, Jude’s hard and throbbing dick easily visible in the outline of the fabric.

 

Connor licked his lips at the sight of Jude’s erection. It always gave him a deep sense of pride that it was him, and only him that could do this to Jude. He brought his hand to it, leisurely teasing his fingers up Jude’s length.

 

“Ah fuck,” Jude moaned, throwing his head back onto the pillow. His head shot back up when Connor didn’t go any further, a growl coming from his throat.

 

Connor smiled; Jude may be a master tease, but Connor was nearly as good. Connor hooked his fingers under the band of Jude’s underwear, slowly easing the garment over his hips to fully reveal Jude’s cock.  Once they were removed, Connor tossed the blue briefs to the side, and leaned in close to Jude’s straining member, letting his warm breath wash over it to drive Jude crazy. He used his tongue to gently lick up the length, lingering over the head for a moment, Jude’s head slamming back into the mattress as he returned to the base and repeated the process.

 

He went like this for a few minutes, keeping his hands on Jude’s hip, firmly pressing him into the bed to keep him from thrusting. Jude was patient for longer than Connor expected, but eventually he brought his hands down and tangled them in Connor’s hair, attempting to guide Connor’s head.  Connor looked at Jude, and seeing the dark expression in his eyes, succumbed to his desire pooling in his stomach and complied, taking Jude into his mouth, tasting the saltiness of the precum that had been leaking from Jude’s member.  Jude gasped, his back arching off the bed as he tugged at the strands of Connor’s hair while Connor bobbed his head up and down over the first few inches of his length.

 

After a little while, Connor removed his hands, took a deep breath and deep-throated Jude’s dick so that it was entirely in his mouth, his nose pressed flush up against Jude’s abs.

 

“Oh fuck yes Connor, fuck!” Jude yelled, pulling at Connor’s hair even harder as his hips shook and bucked.  Connor pulled back, took another breath and then did it again.

 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck!” Jude screeched.  Connor went back to sucking Jude off and Jude’s breathing got more erratic. “Fuck, I think I’m gonna—” Jude exclaimed, but Connor paid no mind to his declaration of his impending high. Connor took a deep breath through his nose as Jude’s hips thrust up into Connor’s mouth a few times, and then Jude’s orgasm hit him.  Connor swallowed as Jude’s cum spurted into his mouth and throat.  When Jude stopped, Connor sucked again, getting out the last few drops and gulping them down before he removed his mouth and licked his lips as he looked up at Jude through his eyelashes.

 

“Fuck, that is so hot,” Jude whispered, Connor’s stomach doing backflips as he crawled forward and kissed him briefly, palming him through his pants.

 

Once they were finished kissing, Jude didn’t waste another moment before turning his attention to Connor’s up-until-then ignored dick, immediately undoing his pants and ripping them off.  He paused for a moment, pawing at the nightstand next to the bed and grabbing a bottle of lube.  He slicked up a few of his fingers, circling his index finger around Connor’s hole and inserting the finger at the same time he took Connor into his mouth.

 

“Oh my god, Jude,” Connor gasped as pleasure washed over him in waves and tears of relief pricking his eyes as he finally got some release of the sexual tension that had been building up in him all evening.  Jude wiggled his finger around for a bit, and then inserted his middle finger as well, coiling them up and brushing them over the bundle of nerves inside him.

 

“ _Fuck_ ,” Connor groaned as a sudden flash of heat hit him.  Jude repeated the action; that combined with the bobbing of Jude’s mouth over his hard cock had Connor’s head swimming, but he still needed more. Two fingers wasn’t enough for him; he needed all of Jude inside him.  “Fuck—Jude—need—” Connor whimpered, struggling to form a coherent thought through the bliss and longing that was fogging up his entire brain.

 

Jude removed his mouth and hand simultaneously and Connor couldn’t help the whine that escaped his lips, even though he knew Jude was preparing himself. Connor propped himself up on his elbows for a moment, watching Jude as he put on a condom and slicked his member up.

 

“Already?” Connor chuckled breathlessly.  He had only just sucked Jude off five minutes ago and yet he was fully hard and ready to go again.

 

“That’s what you do to me baby,” Jude cooed as he lined himself up with Connor and pushed in.  He paused for a moment, giving Connor some time to adjust.  It’s not that it hurt (they’d been having sex regularly for almost six months), Connor just liked to have a second to relax.  Connor bent up and kissed Jude, signaling to Jude that he could start moving, and so Jude began slowly thrusting in and out.

 

“I love you,” Connor panted, gripping at Jude’s back as wave after wave of pleasure overwhelmed his senses.

 

“I love you too,” Jude mumbled, putting his head into the crook of Connor’s neck as he picked up speed slightly.  Jude shifted his body around a bit, changing the angle of his thrusts as he tried to find the exact right for the right spot for Connor’s. After a minute, one of the thrusts slammed into Connor’s prostate and his entire body flushed with heat.

 

“ _Fuck_ Jude,” Connor gasped. Jude paused, and then thrust in again, _hard,_ and Connor squeezed his eyes shut, his breath coming in short, quick bursts as each pounding of Jude’s dick into the bundle of nerves built him up closer to his orgasm. It wasn’t long before Connor could see stars behind his eyelids as Jude hit the spot over and over again, his whole body starting to buzz and tingle as he finally reached his breaking point.

 

“Fuck, fuck!  Connor I’m gonna cum!” Jude announced but Connor was already gone, screaming Jude’s name as he completely blissed out, spurting all over his stomach, chest and with even a few squirts hitting his face.

 

“Ahhhh!” Jude screamed as he thrust in one last time, riding out his second orgasm of the night, buried balls deep in Connor’s ass.  After it passed, Jude pulled out, quickly disposing of the condom and collapsing on Connor’s chest.  Connor was breathing heavily, still on his post-orgasm high.  As he finally started to come down, he wrapped his arms around Jude, chastely pressing a kiss to his lips.

 

“God I love you,” Connor breathed out.

 

“Yeah, I love you too,” Jude replied, nuzzling his head into Connor’s neck, not caring that they were both still sweaty and covered in cum. And that’s how they fell asleep, resolving to take care of the mess with a “shower” the next morning before their flight to San Diego left.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here, ladies and gentlemen, is where the angst begins to work its way into the story...

_**Warning for homophobic language within the chapter!** _

* * *

 

They hadn’t even been back in San Diego for a full two days when Connor got a call from Tanisha, asking the both of them to come into her office for a meeting.  It didn’t come as a surprise to Jude.  He’d received enough of what he dubbed “if looks could kill” glares from her during their time in Orlando to make it clear that he was Tanisha’s least favorite person on Earth. Knowing that, and knowing that Connor’s profile within the Padres organization was rising, coupled with the attitudes of the people in baseball meant that Jude wasn’t going to be shocked if the purpose of the meeting was to flat-out ask them to break up.

 

Jude walked into her office with Connor, sticking closely to his side and clutching Connor’s hand tightly as he tried not to hyperventilate.  Despite the fact they’d been together almost six months, Jude fully expected that Connor would prioritize baseball over him and end things without hesitation if Tanisha asked.  Even though Jude knew that such a reaction was out of Connor’s character, he was afraid that under the right pressure, Connor would cave and decide that their relationship just wasn’t worth the potential cost.

 

Jude looked around at the room they were in to try and distract himself from the rising tightness in his chest.  The office was just as dull and faceless as the office in Orlando; in fact it looked almost exactly the same.  Bare white walls, three chairs and black table, which served as her desk. Jude thought nothing of the bareness of the office when they were in Orlando, since it was probably a rented office, but her home office was just the same.  Its completely impersonal feel was unnerving to Jude.

 

“Good morning!” Connor greeted brightly as they sat down, getting nothing more than a nod in acknowledgement.  She kept tapping away at the keyboard for a few minutes, Jude assumed to complete an email or something similar, before glancing up and shutting the laptop.

 

“Thanks for coming to see me on such short notice,” she said, reaching across to shake Connor’s hand but ignoring Jude.  “I had a few—well actually I had one concern that was vital that I discuss with the both of you immediately.”

 

“Well go ahead.  Shoot!” Connor replied, still oblivious to what was going to be the topic of discussion even though it was clear to Jude what was going on.

 

“I don’t think this relationship is a good thing for you Connor,” Tanisha explained without hesitation.  Jude swallowed, locking his eyes on Connor and bracing himself for Connor’s reply as Connor processed the statement.  The look on his face made it clear to Jude that Connor was blindsided and stunned by the revelation.

 

“I—I’m sorry but I’m not sure that you’re the one that gets to be the judge of that,” Connor answered finally.

 

“Maybe so, but I thought we had agreed that you were going to refrain from dating while you still had a shot at becoming a major leaguer.”

 

“Yeah we did,” Connor shrugged, shooting Jude a small smile as he squeezed his hand in reassurance.  “But then I met Jude, and he was just so incredible that it didn’t matter anymore.”

 

“Might I remind you what could happen to your career if it ever became public that you were in a relationship with another man.  You—” Tanisha said firmly before Connor interrupted her.

 

“I’m well aware of what the risks are and I honestly don’t give a fuck. I love Jude and I’m _not_ breaking up with him,” Connor growled. Jude exhaled, letting out a breath he didn’t know he was holding in.  Relief washed over him as it became clear that Connor wasn’t going to roll over and give in to his agent.

 

“Connor, please calm down,” Tanisha pleaded gently.  “This isn’t just about you, okay?  You and uh—”

 

“Jude.”

 

“Right, Jude.  Anyway, you both could receive death threats from people who are serious about acting on them. This is not just about your career, it’s about your safety.”

 

Jude sighed; she was right (though Jude found the way she had mentioned him to be downright manipulative).  As long as Connor played baseball and they were together, they were probably going to be in danger from rabid, homophobic fans.

 

“She has a point Connor,” Jude spoke up weakly in defeat. “Maybe—maybe it _is_ better if we break up now.”

 

“No Jude, it’s not,” Connor answered immediately, his voice calm but his face clearly suggesting the desperation behind his words.  “I don’t want to break up with you and there’s no reason we have to.  We can work it all out somehow.”

 

“Look you two uh—you should be f-fine as long as you keep your relationship out of the public eye,” Tanisha suggested hesitantly, the strange expression on her face seeming to indicate that it pained her to offer up the advice.

 

“Yeah exactly,” Connor agreed quickly.  “I’m still just a nobody in the minor leagues.  No one is paying attention to me.  So yeah, I’m good with this, but it’s not entirely my decision to make. What do you think Jude?”

 

“Uhhhh—” Jude replied uncertainly.  He wasn’t thrilled at the prospect of, essentially, being Connor’s secret, but he was much less enthusiastic about the idea of breaking up with Connor, which seemed to be their only other option.  He loved Connor whole-heartedly and he knew Connor felt the same; surely that meant that he could deal with this, whether he actually liked the plan or not. “Yeah, sure,” he finally answered, after a long pause.

 

“So, that means you both need to keep the hugs and handholding to a minimum, and absolutely _no_ kissing in public. And…” Tanisha outlined for them almost a little too gleefully once Jude agreed.  Jude bit his lip, tuning out the rest of what she was saying; the basic idea of what they were going to do wasn’t really that bad, but he still hated that they couldn’t be a couple in public.  “Finally, in general, please just be careful and discrete. I don’t want you getting hurt Connor,” Tanisha said sincerely.  It wasn’t lost on Jude that she showed no such concern over his safety, her words quite clearly not directed at him.  She didn’t even spare a glance in his direction.

 

Connor stood up when she finished speaking, and Jude followed, taking that as a cue that the meeting was over.  They walked out of the building, pausing for a second and both sighing before they reluctantly dropped their hands at the exit.  Jude kept a healthy distance between them as they walked to his car.  The two actions made Jude’s chest ache; he repeated over and over in his head that this was necessary for them to do, but that didn’t make it hurt any less.

 

“I know, I hate this too,” Connor remarked as they climbed into Jude’s car, linking their hands together once their doors were closed. “I just—I can’t let you be in danger. I trust Tanisha is being honest about the situation and I don’t want you to be in harm’s way. It would tear me apart if something ever happened to you because of me.”

 

“I know that Con, I really do,” Jude sighed, pecking Connor on the cheek before revving the engine to life.  “But I wish it didn’t have to be this way.”

 

“I promise it won’t be this way forever,” Connor assured Jude, squeezing his hand gently.  “Just—please don’t give up on us, no matter what happens.”

 

“I don’t ever plan to Connor,” Jude scoffed at the request. “I love you, and that’s never going to change.”

 

“I love you too babe.  Now how about we get home.  Justin isn’t supposed to be there, so we’ll have some time to ourselves,” Connor smirked.

 

Jude just laughed and put the car into drive.

* * *

Their new rules required a few days to adjust to, but it turned out to be a fairly minor adjustment.  They actually didn’t go out together as often as Jude thought they did, so very little changed for them, something Jude was glad about.

 

Tonight, however, they _were_ going out together, because tonight was Connor’s first game of the season, and it was a good thing that they were going to the stadium together, because Connor was in the middle of having a small freak-out.

 

“I’m really nervous.  What if everyone is way better than me and I look bad and get benched?  What if…”

 

Connor had been going on and on like that for the entire ride over to the stadium.  Finally they got there and Jude parked the car, unbuckling his seat belt and turning to face Connor.

 

“Con, look at me,” Jude said softly, cupping Connor’s cheek gently, twisting his head around so they could look each other in the eye.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Take some deep breaths and relax,” Jude instructed.  He counted off, guiding Connor’s breathing until Jude could visibly see him calm down.  “It’s just another game, alright?  There’s no need to be nervous.”

 

“But Jude, this is Triple-A,” Connor argued, the pitch of his voice rising slightly.  “Everyone is going to be better than the guys I played against last year.  What if the coaches made a mistake and I don’t belong here?”

 

“Con, I watched you play during spring training and you’re amazing,” Jude countered gently, grabbing Connor’s hand with his free hand and rubbing his thumb soothing over it.  “You’re good enough to be here, and you deserve to be here.  The coaches wouldn’t have put you here if they didn’t think you could handle it.”

 

“I—I’m just terrified of looking stupid,” Connor mumbled.

 

“Come here,” Jude urged, guiding Connor’s head onto his shoulder and tenderly playing with the strands of his hair.  “Con, no matter what happens tonight, I’m extremely proud of all the hard work you’ve done to get here.”

 

“Really?”

 

“Yeah, of course Con.  I’ll always be proud of you,” Jude replied, placing a kiss on Connor’s golden brown hair.

 

“I love you,” Connor sighed contentedly, lifting his head and capturing Jude’s lips in a long, soft kiss.

 

“I love you too,” Jude breathed out, resting their foreheads together for a brief second.  “But you should probably get in there before you’re late.”

 

“Yeah. Thanks for calming me down babe.”

 

“You’re welcome,” Jude grinned.  “Now go get’em Con.  I’ll be right there cheering you on!”

 

“I’ll see you after the game!  Love you,” Connor said, giving Jude one last peck before getting out of the car.

* * *

As Jude sat in Connor’s stadium box to watch the game, Jude could’ve sworn that he was probably more nervous than Connor.  When Connor was out on the field for warm-ups, he looked relaxed and loose.  Jude on the other hand, was tense as he paced back and forth in front of the window looking out on the diamond.  It was like he had absorbed all of Connor’s anxiety himself.  But he preferred that it to be this way; he didn’t have a performance to worry about his nerves affecting.  Connor did.

 

As he paced across the ten-foot length of the box for seemingly the fifteen thousandth time, the door opened and someone who Jude didn’t recognize stepped inside.  Jude was highly suspicious of the man who entered; Connor had said that he was going to be the only one sitting in the box.

 

“C-can I help you?” Jude stuttered cautiously as he made eye contact with the man.

 

“You can start by telling me what the hell you’re doing in my son’s box,” he slurred, sounding to be very drunk.

 

“Who’s your son?” Jude questioned.  Given that the man was drunk, Jude figured it was highly likely that he had stumbled into the wrong place.

 

“Connor Stevens.”

 

_Nope, unfortunately, he was in the right place._

 

“Now what the fuck are you doing here?” he continued brusquely.

 

“I’m here because Connor invited me to watch the game here,” Jude answered calmly.  “Who are you?”

 

“I’m Adam, Connor’s dad.  He didn’t mention you,” Adam bristled.  Jude was taken aback by Adam’s overt hostility towards him.  Adam didn’t know him; he had no reason to be upset with him. “But I know who you are,” Adam added, menacingly taking a step closer to Jude.  “You’re the filthy faggot that’s going to cost my son his career.”

 

_Oh, well that explains the rage._

 

“Excuse me?”

 

“Yeah, I saw you two making out in the car before the game. It’s fucking disgusting what you’re doing to him,” Adam spat angrily.

 

“I’m not doing anything to Connor that he doesn’t want to do,” Jude fired back, defensively standing up a little taller.

 

“I don’t believe that for one second.  You gays are manipulative, turning perfectly straight people into perverted queers,” Adam ranted, stepping up so that he was mere inches away from Jude, poking him in the chest as he spoke.  “Connor never cared to date boys before you. You turned him, and now you’re going to force him to quit baseball!”

 

“Do not touch me!” Jude growled, roughly shoving Adam backwards. “I didn’t do anything to Connor and I’m not forcing him to do anything either!  Adam, I am the last person on Earth that wants Connor to quit playing. Hell, I’ve even offered to break up so he doesn’t have to worry about having to do that, but he refuses to even consider it!  Now if you could stop blaming me when it’s not my fault and get your homophobic ass out of this box before I call security, I would really appreciate it!”

 

“You think by getting me forcibly removed from this box that I’m just going to disappear from Connor’s life quietly?” Adam chuckled darkly. “I’ll leave the box, but I’m his father and I refuse to go anywhere.  Don’t think I’m through with you yet.”

 

With that, Adam turned and stumbled out the door.  Once he was gone, Jude slumped into one of the chairs, taking a deep breath as he tried to calm down and figure out how and _what_ to tell Connor.  Jude knew there was a reason that Connor didn’t talk about his dad, and that confrontation made it crystal clear why.

 

A sudden roar from the crowd distracted Jude from his thoughts. He looked up just in time to see Connor trotting around the bases, having hit a homerun. Jude grinned (and he would’ve whooped if he thought Connor would’ve heard him); he knew Connor had nothing to worry about once he got into the flow of the game.  Jude, on the other hand, had numerous things to worry about now, and that made it difficult for him to focus on the game.

 

When the game ended, Jude made his way down to stand outside the player’s locker room, waiting for Connor to finish showering and changing. Jude vaguely knew that Connor had played a good game.  He’d found the ability to concentrate long enough to watch Connor’s at-bats, but that was it. He’d had too much on his mind otherwise.

 

“Hey Con,” Jude said when Connor emerged, giving him a brief hug.

 

“Hey ba—I uh mean hi,” Connor replied, shifting around on his toes awkwardly. As part of their new relationship rules agreed upon with Tanisha, they were keeping their relationship hidden around Connor’s new team, and it was obvious that Connor was still a little shaky on how to act.

 

“You played great,” Jude smiled, turning and motioning for Connor to fall in step with him as they walked to the car to head home.

 

“Well, I didn’t play great, but I didn’t play poorly either. I know for sure that I could’ve played a lot better,” Connor said, shaking his head gently.

 

“Good is never good enough for you, huh?” Jude teased. This was always how Connor evaluated his games, and it was equally annoying and amusing to Jude.

 

“Nope!” Connor answered seriously.  “The best players are never satisfied, and I want to be one of the best.”

 

“I know you will be,” Jude said, affectionately nudging Connor in the side as they settled into a comfortable silence for a few seconds. Jude figured now was as good a time as any to tell Connor what happened.  “So I uh—I had a visitor to your box before the game,” Jude added, biting his lip.

 

“Oh really?” Connor asked curiously, cocking his head to the side as he thought about who it could be.  “Who was it?” he finally questioned after a moment when he came up with nothing.

 

“It was your dad,” Jude responded quietly.  Connor stopped in his tracks, his body going rigid at the words.

 

“Are you sure?”

 

“Yeah, I’m really sure.  He uh—he saw us kissing in the car before the game and um—he had some pretty nasty things to say about me,” Jude explained hesitantly, watching as Connor’s face contorted into a scowl.

 

“What did he say?” Connor pressed.

 

“I really don’t want to repeat—”

 

“What did he say to you Jude?” Connor questioned him again sharply.

 

“Connor, please don’t make me say those words out loud,” Jude pleaded softly.

 

“Okay that’s it,” Connor muttered under his breath as he turned on his heel, stalking off somewhere to, Jude assumed, find Adam.  Jude walked after him; Jude didn’t think that Connor really should be confronting his dad right now, but Jude also knew he couldn’t stop him. So he hoped by being right nearby, Connor might hold back some.

 

They didn’t walk very far before they found Adam staggering down the sidewalk a block away from the stadium.

 

“I thought I told you to stay the hell away from me!” Connor barked, clenching his fists as he stormed up to Adam.

 

“You really think you get the right to say that to me?” Adam garbled indignantly.  “I am your father!”

 

“You were _never_ a father to me! You cared more about baseball and getting drunk than you _ever_ cared about my well-being or me.” Connor shouted, rising to his full height and towering over Adam by several inches.  Even under the dull streetlights, Jude could see that Connor’s face was growing redder with every word that came out of his mouth.  “I’m 22 now, and I don’t need you in my life, and I sure as hell don’t want you in my life!  Especially since you count ‘being in my life’ as showing up at my games and yelling offensive slurs at my boyfriend!”

 

“Son, I’m just looking out for you,” Adam countered weakly, starting to cower back in the face of Connor’s unfiltered anger.  It was easy for Jude to tell that Connor had never exploded at Adam like this before, and Adam was at a loss for how to react.

 

“No you’re not looking out for me!  If you were, you would know that he makes me happy and that I love him! You don’t care about my life; you just care about whether I make it to the major’s and about how much money I make! If you cared about my life, you would know that baseball is more fun for me than it has ever been and I’m playing better than ever, all because of Jude!  If you knew anything about what my life is like now, maybe you would know better than to barge into it and scream at the person who’s best thing to ever happen to me!” Connor ranted angrily, his voice getting louder the more he spoke.

 

“Connor—” Adam tried to cut in, but Connor didn’t allow it.

 

“I’ve had enough of this, so let me make myself clear: if you ever come near me or Jude again,” Connor growled threateningly, “I will make sure that it’s the last thing you ever do.”

 

With that, Connor both literally and figuratively turned his back on his father, grabbing Jude’s hand and walking away.  Once they were a good thirty yards away, Adam started yelling at them.

 

“Fuck you and your fucking faggot boyfriend!” Adam screamed. “I’m ashamed to have ever considered myself your father and I hope you both rot in hell, you fucking freaks!”

 

Connor kept walking as Adam kept screaming, squeezing Jude’s hand so hard it was cutting off the circulation to his fingers.  Jude didn’t mind at all; Connor wanted to hold up his façade while they were still within sight of Adam.  Jude on the other hand wore his emotions on his face; he was shocked and angered that Adam could say those things about his own son.

 

The fainter Adam’s voice got, the more Jude could see Connor start to break down.  By the time they reached the car, tears were freely flowing down Connor’s cheeks.

 

“I’m so sorry,” Jude whispered, leaning up the side of the car and drawing Connor into his arms.  Connor didn’t hesitate, collapsing into the embrace as he buried his face into Jude’s neck, shaking violently from the sobs that wracked his body.  Jude muttered soothing, calming nonsense into Connor’s ear, holding onto him as tightly as his arms could.

 

It broke Jude’s heart that Connor had to hear someone who was supposed to be his dad say those nasty, horrible things about him.  Jude could easily see that it affected Connor deeply; he’d never seen Connor this broken down before.  He wanted so much to march back over and punch Adam in the face for doing this to Connor.  But Connor needed him more than he ever before, so Jude just held his boyfriend tightly in the dimly lit parking lot as he cried.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is a pretty short update, and there's a reason for that. I have a really important announcement that I made last night on my Tumblr that, rather than write an update specific for this site, I'm just going to copy and paste here:
> 
> So this has been a very difficult decision for me to make but I think it's the right one for me to make…but I've decided that I need to take some time and step back from my Jonnor fics until 3B begins airing.
> 
> I have put so much time into my fics ever since I started them, and recently I've been finding that writing Jonnor has been too familiar…and that's made it boring and feel a bit more like a chore than actually being fun. And I feel sucky about making this decision, but I need to do what makes me happy and write about what makes me excited.
> 
> I have a chapter of _Starstruck_ almost finished, and once I've finished and posted that, I'm going to go to keeping _Growing Up_ going and I'm going to spend a lot of the other time I have writing Larkle fics, and hopefully let that time off and then the return of _The Fosters_ get me excited about writing my Jonnor fics again.
> 
> I'm really sorry and I hope y'all understand that I need to do what's best for me…I'll still be around and I still ship Jonnor just as much as I did before and I'm still really looking forward to Season 3B and most importantly, I hope you guys understand that I have _every intention of getting back to those other fics_ , I just need some time away to write other things.
> 
> Feel free to message me with any questions you have.
> 
> Thanks for reading and thanks for your support…Benjji out :)

Jude pulled the pillow in close to his chest, rolling around his—well their cold, empty bed, trying to fill the void between his arms left by Connor’s absence.  He was gone on a six game road trip, and after six months spent sleeping every night with his body wrapped up around Connor and with Connor’s arms around him, Jude was struggling to adjust to sleeping alone.

 

Jude rolled over and grabbed his phone off his nightstand and unlocked it, his finger hovering over Connor’s contact.  He hesitated for a moment, seeing that it was 1:30 AM, groaned, and tossed the phone into the twisted mess of blankets rolled up around his legs.  He didn’t need to be calling Connor this late at night. Jude refused to let this time apart get to him; he needed to prove to himself that he could handle it without falling apart, since this wasn’t even going to be Connor’s longest road trip of the season.

 

Then again, Jude felt they still needed to talk as much as possible.  Jude was actually pretty upset that Connor had even left in the first place. It had only been three days since the incident with his dad, and he still appeared to be very affected by the confrontation.  Jude had tried to be insistent, arguing that Connor needed time off for the sake of his mental health, but Connor had told him that he couldn’t afford to give up playing time, that baseball players don’t just take games off just—well for reasons that his coaches would interpret as being just _because_.  He’d gone back and forth over with Connor over the decision, and Jude made it clear that in the end, it was Connor’s choice to make and that he would stand by it no matter what, but that he still strongly advised against going.

 

But Connor had decided to play anyway, and Jude knew that Connor was still going to need his support, especially since there was a chance he didn’t play very well.  So Jude sat up, fumbling around in the dark to find his phone, which he had so carelessly cast aside.  He located it, about to dial Connor’s number again when he realized he’d already called Connor earlier in the afternoon before the game. He sighed, about to throw his phone to the side again when someone started pounding on the door to the apartment.

 

“Open up you little faggot!” a slurred voice rang through the apartment.  Jude froze, waiting to see if he simply imagined the voice. “I know you’re in there!” he shouted again, pounding on the door.  Jude frowned at the vaguely familiar voice, crawling out of bed and exiting his room.

 

“Who the fuck is that?” Justin grumbled, blearily stumbling out into the hallway the same time as Jude.

 

“I—I think I might know,” Jude answered, biting his lip.  “Just—b-be ready to call the police, okay?”

 

Justin nodded, standing at the end of the hallway as Jude cautiously padded across the living room to the door. Jude squinted into the peephole and felt sick to his stomach when he realized who it was.

 

“I know you’re in there! Open up the door you fucking pussy!” the man screamed unexpectedly, causing Jude to startle and stumble backwards. Jude took deep breaths in and out as the man continued to shout and pound on the door loudly, gathering himself and hoping that if he didn’t respond, the man would leave.  After it became clear that he wasn’t going anywhere, Jude stepped back up to the door, standing up tall even though the man on the other side couldn’t see him, doing his best to summon up some kind of courage to deal with this man, despite being absolutely terrified.

 

“I’m not opening the door. You need to leave,” Jude commanded firmly, somehow keeping his voice even even though he was shaking like a leaf.

 

“I’m not leaving until I give you disgusting queer a piece of my mind!” he bellowed. There was a loud bang (of a greater intensity of those before) on the door, followed by silence for a few seconds, before the bang rang out again.  Jude leaned forward to check the peephole, seeking to find out what was going on outside the door.  Jude saw the man was using his shoulder, slamming into the door repeatedly in what Jude guessed was an attempt to bust the door open.  Jude couldn’t see much of him, but the fact that he seemed to be trying to break into the apartment, and the fact that Jude didn’t know whether he was armed or not was completely unnerving (why Jude thought there was a chance he was armed, he didn’t know).  The door seemed solid, but Jude couldn’t guarantee that it wouldn’t give way if the man were persistent enough.

 

“J-Justin?” Jude stuttered, gazing at him pleadingly.  Justin nodded, tapping his screen as he wandered into the kitchen, while Jude tottered over to the couch, pulling his knees into his chest as he grappled with his own phone. He stabbed at the call button, bringing his shaky hand up to his ear, trying to let the dull ringing drown out the racket outside the door and bring him some kind of calm.

 

“Hey Jude,” Connor answered cheerily, since he was miles away and blissfully unaware of what was happening outside the apartment.

 

“H-h-h,” Jude stammered, unable to get even a full word out.  He stopped to gather in a deep breath, wanting to present himself as being as collected as possible to Connor.  He didn’t need to be worrying about him when he was hours away and couldn’t do anything to help him.  “H-hey Connor.”

 

“Jude?  Is there something wrong?” Connor asked quickly, with a clearly apprehensive tone.

 

“N-no, not r-really,” Jude mumbled, starting to feel calmer as he listened to the sound of Connor’s voice. “It’s going to b-be fine.”

 

“Jude, what’s going on?” Connor questioned firmly.

 

“We’ll be okay. The police will—”

 

“The police?!” Connor exclaimed and Jude could easily pick out the sheer panic in his voice. “You had to call the police?!”

 

“Yeah, but—”

 

“No buts Jude, I’m coming home right now.”

 

“It’s being handled Connor, you don’t need to come home,” Jude argued.  “Besides, you can’t miss those games, you said it yourself!”

 

“I don’t care, I’m not going to sit here when you feel you’re in enough danger to have to call the police!”

 

“Connor—”

 

“I’m on my way, end of story,” Connor insisted and Jude could hear rustling in the background as Connor started packing up his things to leave the hotel (or so he guessed).

 

“Look Connor, it’s just your dad, I’m sure—” Jude tried to add quickly to dissuade Connor from abandoning his team for him.

 

“He’s not my dad, don’t call him that,” Connor snapped angrily.  “And well, now that you mention it’s Adam outside our apartment, I’m totally just going to stay here,” Connor added sarcastically.

 

“He’s just drunk, I don’t think he means any harm,” Jude remarked.  He didn’t want Connor to make any sacrifices for him when it came to baseball. Jude knew he could take care of himself without Connor’s help.

 

“Jude, I don’t think you understand what my da—what Adam is capable of when he’s drunk,” Connor answered frantically.

 

“I doubt—”

 

“Jude, I’ve seen it first hand and I need you to listen to me carefully.   I need you to lock yourself in the bedroom until the police get there. You’re his target and you need to be as far away from him as possible while they take care of it,” Connor ordered with an almost frightening intensity.

 

“Alright fine,” Jude sighed, reluctantly doing as he was told, despite the fact that he thought Connor was overreacting. He was inside the room, having barely spun the lock into place when he heard a muffled crack that Jude thought sounded like the splintering of wood.  The sound was followed by shouting, and then several more cracks before the entire apartment went eerily silent.

 

“What was that?” Connor inquired, the microphone of Jude’s phone having picked up some of the chaos that had taken place.

 

“I’m in the bedroom like you told me,” Jude replied, shrugging his shoulders even though Connor couldn’t see him. “I didn’t see anything, I don’t have a clue.”

 

“Jude,” Justin said from the other side of the door, jiggling the doorknob gently.  “Jude, it’s alright, you can come out now.”

 

“What happened?” Jude requested, pulling his phone down and putting it on speaker so Connor could hear as well. Looking up at Justin, Jude was struck by how pale his face was and Jude got a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach about what had just happened.

 

“The police—they showed up and um—whoever it was—he had a gun,” Justin explained quietly.  “He fired on the police first and they—well they fired back and—I think you can guess the rest.”

 

“What?” Connor said blankly while Jude gaped in shock.

 

“Who was that guy anyway?”

 

“Connor’s dad,” Jude muttered.

 

“Oh shit,” Justin gasped, his eyes going wide.  “Oh my God Connor I’m—I’m so sorry.”

 

“Don’t be,” Connor said coldly. “I’m glad the bastard’s dead.”

 

“Don’t say that Connor,” Jude pleaded softly.

 

“We’ll talk about this when I get home in the morning,” Connor remarked emotionlessly before abruptly hanging up.

 

“You think Connor’s okay?” Justin questioned.

 

“I’m not sure,” Jude gulped, walking over to his bed and sitting down on the edge.

 

“Well, you should get some sleep,” Justin sighed, leaning up against the doorframe heavily. “The police want us to come down to the station tomorrow morning to make a statement.”

 

“O-oh okay,” Jude responded. Justin nodded and turned, walking back to his own bedroom.  Jude fell onto his back, staring at the ceiling, thinking that he probably wasn’t going to get any sleep.

* * *

 

Jude must have actually dozed off, because the next thing he knew, Connor was shaking him awake. Jude opened his eyes and immediately threw himself at Connor, wrapping his arms around him and burying his head into the crook of Connor’s neck.

 

“Thank God you’re okay,” Connor said, his voice wavering slightly.  Jude let out a cry, Connor’s voice sending the full weight of what happened crashing down on top of him.  Adam had a gun. Adam was trying to get into their apartment.  If it hadn’t been for the police, Adam might have tried to _kill_ him.

 

“Shh it’s okay,” Connor whispered, holding onto Jude as tightly as he dared.  “He’s gone, you’re safe now.”

 

“I’m s-sorry,” Jude sniffled as he lifted his head, quickly wiping the tears from his eyes. “I—I shouldn’t be crying when you’re the one who just lost his dad.”

 

“Don’t apologize Jude,” Connor shook his head.  “I’m fine, honest.”

 

“But—”

 

“He was going to kill you. I’m glad he’s dead. He got what he deserved,” Connor shrugged nonchalantly.

 

“He’s still your dad.”

 

“No, he really wasn’t. He hadn’t been since I was a little kid.”

 

“Connor—”

 

“Jude, you’re my family now,” Connor cut him off, cupping his cheeks gently.  “I don’t care about what happened to him, I care about what happened to you.”

 

“H-he wasn’t going to be able to hurt me, don’t worry about it.  But are you sure you’re okay?  Really, it’s fine to be upset that he’s dead, no matter how you felt about him,” Jude mumbled, pressing their foreheads together.

 

“Please stop worrying about me, I’m going to be fine,” Connor pleaded.

 

“I’m never going to stop worrying about you.  I love you Connor and worrying about you is just part of what that means,” Jude replied, briefly connecting their lips in a chaste kiss.

 

“I love you too. Hey, there’s some good news that comes out of all of this,” Connor grinned, quickly changing the subject. “Tanisha told me that I can take up to two weeks off because of this, and I’m going to use every single day.”

 

Jude let out a sigh of relief; after everything that had just happened, the last thing he wanted was for Connor to have to go right back to baseball and leave him alone to deal with it all.

 

“So do you have to plan the funeral?”

 

“Sort of,” Connor sighed, pulling Jude down so they were lying on the bed.  “I’m the only family he has left, so it falls to me to do something for him.”

 

“Doesn’t your dad have a will?”

 

“Why does that matter?” Connor asked, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion.

 

“A lot of people put requests funeral arrangements in them,” Jude explained.

 

“I’m pretty sure he didn’t have one,” Connor shrugged.

 

“Well, if that’s the case, then everything he had falls to you too.”

 

“So I have to throw it all out?”

 

“Or sell it.”

 

“Or throw it out,” Connor retorted angrily.  He stopped himself before going any further, taking a deep breath.  “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to snap at you.  Look, it’s been a stressful couple of hours for both of us. We should probably get some sleep before you and Justin have to go down to the police station.”

 

“Sounds wonderful,” Jude mumbled, already feeling sleepy with his head lying on Connor’s chest. “I love you Con.”

 

“I love you too babe,” Connor whispered, placing a kiss on the top of Jude’s head as he closed his eyes.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all...so after taking a long look at myself and these stories (this one, Roommates, and Growing Up), it's pretty clear to me at this point that I'm really not going to come back and finish them...I just--have moved on a little too far, I guess (if you want a better explanation of what happened and how I'm feeling, you can check this ask I answered on my tumblr - http://benjji2795.tumblr.com/post/137491822714/what-will-happen-with-your-jonnor-fanfics-and-the ). But this was such a great story that I loved as soon as I finished the outline for it and I really loathed to leave this unfinished. So when G8rguy offered to take this and finish it to the outline I had, I honestly was thrilled. I trust them to take care of the story and finish it, and I'm relieved that this isn't going to be left without an ending. I appreciate his help and all your support, and I know this story is in good hands :)
> 
> \- Benjji
> 
>  
> 
> **  
> **  
> _Hi Everyone! Benjji graciously trusted me with taking care of his baby and I hope that I will be able to do him justice. He has shared his vision for this story so I am working to bring it to life in his honor and for all of us who loved this story. Please let me know if you have any thoughts and I hope to do it's creator proud! - G_  
> 

Jude woke up from a cold sweat and trembling from the fear of his nightmare before he felt the arms that pulled him into Connor’s embrace as he suddenly started sobbing. Connor simply held him as Jude sobbed from the built up emotions that he had repressed last night. Adam had come to his apartment to kill him for loving Connor and it was too real.

Jude heard a quiet knocking on the door to his bedroom and he heard Connor call out softly “Yeah?”

“Can I come in?” he heard Justin ask plaintively.

Connor squeezed him again and Jude felt so much better knowing he was safe here. “Yeah…it’s open” Connor called out.

Justin slowly opened the door and Jude saw his hand was in front of his eyes. “Are you two decent?” he said carefully.

“No” Connor replied before Jude could say anything but then he chuckled. “But we are dressed” he said kindly. 

Justin moved his hand and saw the two of them, fully clothed, laying together on Jude’s bed and he came over and sat on the edge of the bed. “I heard…I mean I wanted to see if you were okay Jude” Justin stammered.

“How are you?” Jude asked sitting up when he remembered that Justin saw much more than he did. 

“I’ve never seen a dead person before” Justin whispered. “It was so…” he just stopped talking and Jude grabbed him into a hug that Connor joined in pulling both of the other boys into a giant embrace. They stayed there for a few minutes before Justin pulled back and looked at Connor, concern on his face.

“Dude…are you ok? That was your dad” Justin asked feeling messed up.

“I’m fine Justin, honestly. Adam was my biological father, but he stopped being my dad a long time ago when he decided that alcohol was more important to him than I was” Connor said with a sigh. “I will probably feel something later, but right now…honestly I am just glad that he is dead if I am being honest. The fact that you two are safe and unharmed is more important to me than anything.

“Breakfast?” Justin asked them.

“Let’s eat out” Jude suggested instead. “Let someone else take care of it” Jude didn’t want to bother but he did want a shower. 

After all three of them had showered they headed out to the diner just down the road before they would head to the police office to let Justin and Jude give their statements. They had just got their food when Jude’s phone rang and he saw his mom’s name flash up.

“Hi mom” Jude answered.

“ARE YOU OKAY?!” Stef said loudly. “Where are you Jude?!” he asked before he could respond. “Why didn’t you call me?” Jude could hear the fear in her voice.

“Mom…Mom…MOM!” Jude had gotten louder each time he tried to respond until she finally paused allowing him to reply. “I am okay. Neither Justin nor I were hurt. We are at the American Diner eating breakfast. I take it you found out what happened last night?” he asked carefully.

“I don’t like learning that my son’s apartment was the scene of a shooting where someone died Jude and that I found out from reading a report was worse!” Stef said in her overly controlled voice.

“I’m sorry mom. It happened so fast and it was so late and then it was over. He never even got in the apartment so we are okay. Connor came back and he is taking us to the station to make our reports” Jude told her looking at Connor worried about him.

The phone was silent for a moment before his mom finally responded. “We will talk about this later” she promised. “I love you baby” she said, the emotion clear in her voice.

They finished their meal and headed to the police station. They had walked in when Jude saw her and winced, but he wasn’t surprised. His mom was standing there, in uniform, as they walked in and she came up to him and pulled him into a fierce hug holding on to him like she wouldn’t let go. When she did she also hugged Justin while thanking him for being there. She looked over at Connor and smiled gratefully.

“I thought you were on the road” Stef asked pulling him into a hug as well.

“I was” Connor said quietly. “But with everything that happened, I was given two weeks off to take care of things.”

Stef frowned for a moment looking confused before she looked back at Jude. But before she could say anything an officer stepped up to them.

“Mr. Adams-Foster? Mr. Lake?” he said looking at all three guys. Jude and Justin both acknowledged their names. “I’m officer Matthews. If you could come with me, I will be getting your statements about what happened.” Officer Matthews looked at Connor curiously. “And you are?” he asked.

“I’m Connor…their roommate” he replied after deciding he didn’t want to give his last name yet.

Officer Matthews took Jude and Justin back into the station to get their statements while Connor sat down with Stef.

“I’m glad that you were able to come back to help out” Stef said sincerely. “I admit I am surprised that the team gave you so much time off to help your roommates though.”

Connor knew he wouldn’t be able to hide this, especially from Stef, but she obviously didn’t know all the details yet. “They didn’t…not exactly” he said carefully.

“Did you tell them about you and Jude?” Stef asked surprised.

“No” Connor said shaking his head. He looked up at her and Stef could see the pain and sorrow on his face that didn’t make sense to her. “Did you find out who the guy with the gun was?” Connor asked.

“No” Stef said clearly. “Just that there was a drunk male, 40s, who tried to break in to your apartment, and was heard screaming profanities and making threats. Officers arrived and he pulled a weapon and fired at the responding officers who returned fire killing him” Stef summarized. “We don’t get full details out till later. Does it matter who it was? Do you think you or Jude might know him?” she asks.

“We do. I know him and Jude unfortunately met him about three days ago when he threatened Jude after my last home game” Connor told her.

Stef’s face became pinched and she took a deep breath. “And did either of you report it?” Stef asks, frustration clear in her voice.

Connor shakes his head. “No. I confronted him about it. Told him to stay the hell away from us and that I wanted him out of my life, but, well you saw how that worked” Connor mumbled.

Stef was struggling not to yell at the young man in front of her for being so stupid. “Connor…you need to tell Officer Matthews. And if you have fans like that do things like that, you need to tell people” Stef told him.

Connor looked up finally making eye contact with Stef and she was shocked at the tears that had filled his eyes and the stricken look on his face. Automatically pulling him into a hug she felt him trembling. “He wasn’t a fan” Connor whimpered. “He was my father.”

Stef froze at his words. She looked down at the young man in her arms in stunned amazement. His father had tried to kill Jude? She felt her heart racing when she went cold when she remembered that the man was now lying in the morgue. Dead. The man who tried to break in to hurt Jude was his boyfriend’s father and was now dead. “Oh Connor” Stef finally muttered. 

Connor remained in the hug for a bit before he pulled back and wiped his hand across his eyes. “Don’t know why I’m crying” Connor tells Stef. “I am glad he is gone. He crawled into a bottle and was a horrible person for so long” Connor told her.

“Connor” Stef said slowly “even if he was a horrible person, he was still your father. It’s okay to be upset that he is dead even if you feel he doesn’t deserve it. The point is not that he is dead, but that you lost your father. A man who, at one time, was someone you loved and cared about.”

Connor just nodded and they sat in silence for a bit before another officer came out. “Mr. Stevens?” she asked. “Officer Matthews would like to ask you to make a statement.” Connor nodded and followed the officer.

He walked into a room and after a few minutes Officer Matthews came in to get Connor’s statement. He asked him about his father and Connor was honest about everything. It only took a few minutes and Connor surprised himself with how calm he was. Officer Matthews was nice and when Connor asked how much was going to be released to the press, he was told that most of their statements were not really necessary. The case was pretty open and shut and then they were all able to leave.

Stef insisted that the boys all come over to the house where Lena was waiting for them with more hugs and food. Over the course of the day the rest of Jude’s family had all stopped by to check on the boys but Stef and Lena had agreed to keep the man’s identity as Connor’s dad a secret even though Jude flinched whenever one of his siblings made a comment about being ‘glad he was dead’ or something similar. Connor seemed okay with it all though and they made it through dinner before heading back to the apartment. 

It was another two days before Connor went to his father’s apartment to deal with that. He had picked up his effects from the police and had arranged for a cremation and internment in the same cemetery that Adam’s parents were buried in without a service. Jude had offered to go with him but Connor had refused.

Adam’s apartment was tough for Jude as it made him remember those bad foster homes before he was adopted. Lots of empty alcohol bottles and trash seemed to be the theme of Adam’s decorating. Connor donated most of the items to charity thrift shops including clothing, kitchen items, and the furniture. Jude found several scrapbooks and boxes of photos that he put in the car to take back to the apartment and Connor boxed up some other items that Jude didn’t see what exactly they were. The whole process took them almost three days and then it was all done.

Jude asked if Connor wanted to go to the cemetery but Connor declined and they spent the rest of Connor’s break just being together. Connor started working out and going to the batting cages during the second week but that was just a few hours each day and Jude used that time to catch up on his own work. His boss had been very understanding of what happened. She had told him to take some time to deal with the break-in and shooting but he found the time when Connor was out was a good time to clear up work before they retreated to their room again.  
At the end of the two weeks Connor had three games at home before he had to leave again on another short road trip. He had tried to suggest that Jude and Justin stay with Jude’s moms but Jude shot that idea down before he could finish the suggestion.

So things slowly returned to normal for them and Connor was having one of his best seasons with his new team and he was finally feeling free to just be himself without having to deal with the expectations and pressure from his father and he could just focus on the two things that were most important to him: Jude and Baseball.


	8. Chapter 8

Connor walked off the field after practice walking alongside Steve as they headed back to the locker room to shower and change. He was tired, but it was the good kind of tired, the tired that told him that he had worked hard and he could feel it throughout his body.

 

“You have been killing it Stevens” Steve said with a smile. “I don’t know what’s been happening with you lately man but whatever it is keep it up!”

 

Connor smiles at him as he walks into the locker room, peeling off his pads and equipment. The rest of the guys are all there, talking and laughing as they toss their uniforms into the laundry bins. Connor finishes stripping down before grabbing his towel and soap and heads to the showers as him and Steve continue talking. Steve has a new girlfriend that he is totally into and he is going on about her for the entire time they are in there. Connor feels a pang that he cannot say anything about Jude, but he knows it is a small thing. The guys tease Steve about his gushing and they are all laughing and smiling as they get dressed and head for the parking lot.

 

“You need a ride?” Connor asks Steve as they walk to the edge of the lot.

 

Steve smiles and waves at Jude, standing beside his car waiting for them. “Nah. Cheryl is picking me up in five so I’m good” he tells Connor. “Hey Jude!” he calls over and snickers.

 

“Dude…still not funny” Connor says shoving him.

 

Steve laughs and heads to the front section to wait for his girl as Connor gets in the car and they take off. “Good practice?” Jude asks with a smile.

 

“Great one” Connor tells him. “It’s been strange these last couple weeks after everything happened with my father, but I have been playing the best I have ever played. I really like these guys Jude and I am loving this” he says with a satisfied sigh.

 

Jude smiles knowing that Adam’s death affected him more than he wants to admit, but he poured himself into the game and has been amazing. Jude has been enjoying going to the games and watching and learning more about baseball than he ever thought he would.

 

“Are we still going to dinner with your moms?” Connor asks Jude.

 

“Yes” Jude says happily. They drive over to the Adams-Foster house for a home cooked meal with Stef and Lena. It has become a tradition that they try and do at least once a month, more if possible, but Connor really enjoys the feel of a normal, healthy family.

 

* * *

 

**_EARLY SEPTEMBER_ **

Connor gets the message to report to the Padre’s GM’s office after their game and he is not too sure what’s happening. They had won the game and he was happy with his performance, 3 for 6, 1 HR and 5 RBIs and an assist, so he didn’t think there was any reason for management to be unhappy with him, but it always made him nervous to get the call.

 

Connor walked into the office after being waved in by the GM’s secretary. Walking in he saw the GM as well as the Padres’ coach waiting there in the office and he felt his pulse start to race.

 

“You wanted to see me sir?” Connor said pleased that he was able to keep his voice steady and cool.

 

“Stevens, come in” AJ said with a smile. “You know Maguire, our manager?” he said pointing at the new manager who smiled at Connor.

 

“Sir” Connor said with a nod.

 

“Not going to waste time Stevens, but you have been phenomenal this season and with both Martinez and Roberts on the injury list, we are calling you up” AJ says with a chuckle at the shocked expression on Connor’s face. “Congrats son. You made it!”

 

Connor is speechless but he nods and smiles as he realizes that he has made it. He will be playing for a major league baseball team.

 

“You report to training tomorrow” Maguire tells him. “I will have the details sent to you later tonight, but we will see you at 9:00am tomorrow morning. Good?” he asks standing up. Connor agrees and shakes his hand before the manager walks out.

 

“I will send all the legal and contract stuff to your agent in a bit and I am sure that the two of you can talk over things once you have had a chance to look it over” AJ says shaking his hand. “Welcome to the Padres. We expect great things from you” he says smiling.

 

Connor walks out the office in a fog. He heads to his car and he sits there for a few minutes before he collects himself enough to call Jude.

 

“Hey!” Jude says cheerfully. “Where are you at? I thought you would have been home a while ago. You go out with guys?” he asks sounding distracted. Connor knew that Jude was in the middle of writing an article and had been pretty focused on it for the last two weeks.

 

“I got called up” Connor said slowly.

 

“Called up…uh huh…wait, called up where?” Jude asks suddenly paying attention.

 

“The Padres…they called me up. I’m playing with the team starting tomorrow” Connor said not sure he was believing the words he was saying.

 

“Connor?” Jude said carefully. “I’m not sure I understand this. Did you say that you are playing for the Padres…the big team?” he clarifies.

 

Connor laughs. “Yes!” he shouts. “I made it Jude!!! I am on a major league team” he screams into the phone laughing as he hears Jude start screaming at him. They laugh and yell for a few minutes before Connor cuts in. “Jude…we are going out! I am on my way home. Get ready as we are going out to celebrate!”

 

Connor burst into their apartment and was engulfed in a hug as Jude grabbed him as he walked in yelling “You did it!” Connor laughed as he returned the hug and they jumped together and Connor couldn’t stop smiling.

 

“We are going to celebrate!” Connor roared and they headed to the bedroom and suddenly he felt Jude pressing against him as he felt Jude’s lips on his as they kissed with a passion that was fueled by the high of his success. They collapsed on the bed and Connor ran his hands down Jude’s back before slipping under his shirt lifting it up as they slid up his spine. Connor felt Jude smiling into their kisses when his phone rang and he recognized Tanisha’s ringtone. Jude groaned in frustration at that sound.

 

Pulling back he looked at Jude and smiled. “That’s Tanisha” he said and seeing the disbelief on Jude’s face, he laughed. “They were sending her my new contract details so that must be it” he assured him.

 

Jude smiled and rolled over as Connor answered the phone. “Hi Tanisha…so you got it?....” Connor looked over at Jude and lifted his eyebrows in question “just a second” he told her before covering the phone and looking at Jude. “She wants us to come in right now to look it over since I am supposed to start tomorrow. Can you come?” Connor asked him.

 

“You want me to come?” Jude asked surprised.

 

“Yes and Tanisha suggested you come too” Connor assured him knowing that his agent made Jude nervous. Jude nodded so he smiled and moved his hand. “Sure thing Tanisha. We will be there in 30 minutes” he said before hanging up.

 

Jude braced himself for this meeting and felt Connor’s hand grasp his own and squeezing it as they rode the elevator up to their floor. “This is a good thing” Connor assures him.

 

Jude nods in agreement but he feels a heavy weight in his stomach. They separate their hands right before the doors open and they walk in heading for Tanisha’s office. She is standing there and spots them immediately and she smiles hugely at Connor.

 

“We did it!” she cheers him. “The contract just came in and it looks really good” she assures him as they both walk into her office.

 

Tanisha spends a few minutes going over the financials for the contract and though it is a lot of money in Jude’s opinion, she seems a bit disappointed. “Now, this isn’t too bad for a late season call up. But it’s less than you are worth definitely. However, if you do well, we can expect something better next season” she assures him.

 

Connor is more than happy with the contract mostly because he will be able to play major league ball, the money is just gravy.

 

“However, all of this, your chance to play is at risk and it’s because of your relationship” she says with a brief glare at Jude.

 

“What do you mean?” Connor says slowly.

 

“Connor…you have the chance to play the majors. Being gay could cost you that” she explains.

 

“I am gay Tanisha…nothing will change that” Connor says firmly.

 

“Yes, I know. But you can…tone it down, so that it doesn’t become an issue” she says with a sigh of exasperation. “There are no gay baseball players…do you want to be known for that or do you want to play?” she asks him.

 

Connor sits back looking unhappy. “What, exactly, do you mean by ‘tone it down’?” Jude asks into the silence.

 

Tanisha looks over at him unhappily before looking back at Connor. “I think it would be better if Jude didn’t come to your games anymore. You should probably also avoid being seen in public together as well” she says.

 

“So we can’t do anything together?” Jude says feeling angry.

 

“Being seen as gay can cost you a lot Connor” Tanisha says directly to him. “Now that you are in the majors, if you do well, we could be looking at sponsorships, endorsement deals, big salary contracts. Going public with your relationship could cost you all of that. Look at Michael Sam. He was out and proud and what happened? Despite his stats showing he should be playing pro football he isn’t on a team. Is that what you want to happen?” she looks at both of them shaking her head. “You are being called up to finish the season. You get outed and this will be the end of your professional career.”

 

Jude looks over at Connor who looks disturbed and unhappy. Connor looks at Jude and he can see the gears moving in his boyfriend's eyes. “Maybe…maybe you should think about this” Jude says tentatively.

 

Connor’s eyes widen. “Are you saying you want to do this?” Connor says disbelievingly.

 

“I don’t like it. I hate it” he says looking directly at Tanisha so she can see his emotions. “But she has a point. It’s not right or fair, but it could cost you everything. But what about our living together?” Jude asks looking directly at her.

 

Tanisha leans back and takes a breath before she answers. “No” Connor interrupts her and says clearly. “That’s not negotiable. Lots of guys have roommates so that’s what we will be to anyone else.” Connor looks fiercely determined as he says this.

 

“Of course” Tanisha quickly agrees. “We wouldn’t need to do that” she assures Connor.

 

Jude takes a deep breath but nods. “Then okay…I can do this.” Connor reaches over and grabs his hand in gratitude.

 

They walk out of the office and get in the elevator. “So, dinner?” Connor starts but freezes when Jude looks over at him, the pain clear in his eyes.

 

“We can’t…remember?” Jude says his heart in his throat.

 

Connor nods and they drive home, the feelings of joy and excitement now gone and replaced by a bitterness that neither of them like. They order Chinese delivery and end up watching a movie on Netflix to celebrate Connor’s getting to major league baseball. A rather cold and disappointing alternative to their earlier plans. That night they crawl into bed, saying little, but Jude sighs when Connor wraps himself into Jude’s side.

 

“I’m sorry babe” Connor whispers.

 

“I know” Jude assures him. They fall asleep wrapped together and Jude holds him tightly fearing that he is slipping away and he doesn’t know what to do.

 

Three days later Connor plays his first professional baseball game with the Padres against the Red Sox and Jude is sitting at home alone watching the game on TV. Connor plays an amazing game, even the commentators are talking about him and his performance. He goes 4-5, 2 HR, 5 RBI at the plate and tags out two runners at home. Jude is screaming at his TV, concerned that his neighbors will complain but he doesn’t really care. He sees Connor several times on the TV and each time he is beaming and his smile is lighting up the screen.

 

Jude can’t wait for him to get home so he can celebrate with Connor when his phone goes off with a text.

 

**Connor:** Team taking me out for celebratory drink…sorry  
**Jude:** It’s okay – have fun. Can’t wait to see you!!

 

Jude putters around the house for a bit and then goes into their room and tries to relax with his book but he is really excited so he keeps getting up every few minutes. After the first hour he starts to calm down thinking that Connor needed to shower and change and head out to their celebration before he could come home. The second hour passes more slowly though Jude is finally able to calm down a bit. After four hours Jude looks at the clock and sees that the time has rolled past midnight and Jude hasn’t heard from him since the first text.

 

Jude gets up and tosses the congratulations flowers he picked up earlier into the trash can and puts the champagne he had gotten out back in the fridge while he puts away the glasses. Walking to the guest room Jude shuts the door, turns out the lights, and lays down on the bed to sleep.

 

The last thing he remembers is looking at the clock and seeing the time at 1:18am when he finally turns over and manages to fall asleep soon after.

 

Waking up Jude is slightly confused as to why he is in this room before he remembers why he didn’t want to be in their bedroom when Connor gets home. Getting up he walks into the kitchen and makes himself a cup of coffee. He stands there for a bit before steeling himself to walk to their bedroom. Sticking his head in the room he sees Connor sprawled across the bed fully dressed. He is still wearing his shoes and his jacket and tie. Jude walks in and smiles slightly at the sight of the drooling boy in his bed before he remembers that he supposed to be mad.

 

Sighing he grabs a glass of water and several painkillers and places them on the nightstand next to Connor before he grabs clean clothes and goes to shower in the other bathroom. Walking back into the kitchen freshly dressed he grabs the notepad and writes a message before grabbing his bag and leaving the apartment for the meeting with his editor.

* * *

 

Connor slowly wakes up feeling confused and with a horrible taste in his mouth. He starts to sit up and suddenly realizes what a bad idea that is and lays back down before he realizes that he is still fully dressed. He looks over and frowns as he figures out that he slept on top of the bed that was still made up and there was no sign of Jude.

 

‘Jude!’ Connor groans. They guys had dragged him to the bar after the game and the press meet and while Connor had only planned on a single drink, it quickly escalated to shots and then his brain got fuzzy. He vaguely remembered a taxi ride home but he doesn’t remember much else. He looks over and sees the water and pills and gratefully grabs them and swallows. ‘Thank you Jude!’ he thinks.

 

Stumbling into the kitchen he looks around but there is no sign of Jude here either. He manages to get the coffee brewing before he sees the note sitting on the table. Picking it up, it takes him several tries before he can focus enough to read it.

 

_Connor –_  
_Don’t forget you have another game tonight. You have games for the next three days and then a seven day road trip. See you next week. Congrats on your first game._  
_Jude_

 

Connor stares at the note confused at the lack of emotion and the ‘see you next week’ comment. It’s like he doesn’t expect to see Connor because he’s playing. Connor sighs at Jude’s drama and he opens the fridge to grab a protein shake when he sees the champagne bottle and he blinks. ‘We don’t have champagne’ he thinks as he pulls out the bottle to look at it. Turning around he sees a splash of color in the trash can and walking over sees the flowers lying in the trashcan. Reaching in he pulls them out and sees the attached card reading ‘Congratulations’ and he gets it. He groans and sits down, head in his hands as he realizes that Jude must have spent the night waiting for him. He grabs his phone and calls Jude but the phone only rings once before going to voicemail…call declined.


	9. Chapter 9

Jude walks back into the house late enough to be sure that Connor was gone to the stadium. He had managed to spend the day “running errands” to avoid running into Connor today. He knew he was being a bit unfair about everything. He figured that the guys pulled the ‘single’ new rookie out to the bar and it probably got out of hand quickly. Connor was never able to say or do something that made others feel bad or disappointed. It annoyed Jude that Connor only seemed to be able to say no to him instead of strangers, but he finally realized that he was overreacting…probably.

However just because he could have been more understanding didn’t mean that Connor didn’t screw up. A damn text or call from the bathroom would at least have been something. Connor did try calling several times that day eventually leaving a voicemail apology for coming in late. However Jude decided to return the favor instead. He had called Jesus and asked to go out with him tonight. They were going to go out to a bar and Jude had agreed to whatever Jesus planned as long as it met his only condition…they would be out till 1am.

So Jude was dragged first to a sports bar for wings and beer with Jesus and his friends before going to a club that normally would have given Jude a migraine but he was determined so he faked having a good time and, to be honest, he actually did have fun. He danced with a couple of fairly drunk girls and actually had fun. They had flirted with him and he just smiled and asked if they had a brother which caused both of them to scream with laughter before dancing even wilder.

Jude finally grabbed a tax at 12:45am to head home after getting Jesus and his friends in their cab first and climbed up to his apartment. He walked into the apartment and saw that the table was still set and it smelled like Italian. Opening the fridge he saw several cartons from their favorite restaurant in there and he frowned slightly. Connor must have planned on an apology dinner and he felt guilty for going out with Jesus before he remembered he was trying to make a point.

Walking towards the bedroom he looked in and saw Connor in their bed asleep. Walking in to the bathroom he changed and brushed his teeth. Putting a glass of water and some aspirin on the nightstand he crawled into the bed, careful not to wake Connor, and went to sleep.

The next morning he woke up to a warm body laying up against him. He opened his eyes and saw Connor’s arm laying over him, holding on to his chest, with Connor’s face buried in the crook of Jude’s shoulder and neck. Jude could feel Connor’s breath, regular with sleep, on his skin as he heard the usual snuffling sounds Connor made when he snuggled asleep. They must have snuggled together in their sleep, which is how they usually slept so it shouldn't have come as a surprise to Jude.

Jude was enjoying the feeling of Connor’s embrace when he felt his breathing change and knew he was awake. Jude waited to see what his boyfriend would do and then Connor pulled on his arm, drawing Jude back up against him. “Good morning” Connor mumbled.

“Morning” Jude responded softly.

“Missed you yesterday” Connor said carefully.

“I had a meeting with my editor and then ran a bunch of errands” Jude replied just as carefully. “Then Jesus and I went out for the night. Dinner and a club” Jude finished.

“You went to a club?” Connor asked loosening his grip.

“Yeah. Danced with a couple of girls, drank a little, had a good time you know” Jude said simply. “It was nice.”

Connor was silent for a few minutes but Jude heard his breathing continuing. “Congrats on the win last night by the way” Jude added.

“Thanks” Connor said with a flat tone. “You didn’t take my calls all day”

“No” Jude replied simply. “I didn’t really want to talk to be honest. I was still mad” he said softly.

Jude felt Connor’s grip tighten and he found himself turning over till they were facing each other, their noses touching. “I’m sorry” Connor said sincerely. “I got swept up and we started drinking and by the time I realized it I was in the taxi coming home.”

“I know” Jude said reaching up to brush his fingers along Connor’s cheek. “I mean I figured that’s what happened and that it was probably nothing…but it happened right after Tanisha told me that I was bad for you” Jude wished he could stop the tears from rolling down his cheeks but he couldn’t even when he saw the pain in Connor’s eyes. “I couldn’t go to the game or pick you up and instead you just blew me off and forgot about me sitting home waiting for you. It just really hurt” Jude said looking in his lover’s eyes.

Connor’s throat constricted with the honest emotion on Jude’s face and he buried his face in Jude’s shoulder. He knew that his career was hurting Jude but he didn’t know what to do. Playing baseball in the Major Leagues was all he had ever wanted, but the cost was so high. They had to come up with a way to deal with it because Connor didn’t want to give up either one.

* * *

 

The next year and half were good for Jude and Connor. They realized that any relationship required work and communication and so they found ways to prioritize the other person. Jude’s work as a writer had also increased and not only was he working as a regular writer for several publications, he was also working on some of his own projects in between. He was even getting some recognition, at least in publication circles, for his writing. He had been working on an idea for a novel as well.

Connor’s career however had taken off like a rocket. He finished that first season with the Padres doing really well and was given a one year contract for the following full season which he did amazing. He had been selected as MVP for several games his first full year and even got invited to the All Star Game at the end of that year and was establishing a serious reputation.

* * *

 

“Connor, can you come into my office” Tanisha said when he answered the phone a week before the All Star Game.

“Sure, everything okay?” Connor asked nervously.

“Very okay!” Connor could hear the smile in her voice so he shot Jude a quick text that he was swinging by Tanisha’s before heading home. He exited the locker room and getting in his new truck, bought with some of his new contract money at the end of his first games in the majors, for the drive over. The truck wasn’t too outrageous or expensive, but it was brand new, and Connor loved it.

Connor walked in to Tanisha’s office and noticed everyone was looking at him and smiling. He saw Tanisha standing there with a huge grin on her face. “Okay, so what’s going on?” Connor asked suspicously.

Tanisha led him to her office where he noticed the large stack of papers on her table. “You have a contract offer from the Padres” she said with a big smile.

“Another year contract?” he asked. Connor had received a one year contract after he finished the season he was called up. It was better contract than the first one was, but while Tanisha said it was still a bit light, she said it was important step for his career and would put him in a good place. He was just happy to play and felt the contract was a good one to be honest. He didn’t need a ton of money anyway.

“Not this time” she replied smiling. “The Padres are offering you a seven year contract” she said with a huge smile.

“SEVEN YEARS!?!” Connor was stunned. That was huge! It would mean that he was secure for the foreseeable future and would mean that he would get to stay here with Jude without any risk of having to move.

“That’s not the best part Connor” Tanisha said with a smirk. She laughed at his confused look. “After several talks with them, they finally made us a worthwhile offer.” She paused to stretch out the suspense but Connor was beyond patient so he just waited, looking at her happily. She gave in first. “They are offering $120 million with $5 million of that as a signing bonus” Tanisha said watching the shock overwhelm Connor.

Connor tried to respond but words kept failing until he finally managed to croak out “Why? How?”

“Well you have been amazing since you were called up” Tanisha said with a smirk. “Though winning the MVP in the game where the Padres clinched the division title didn’t hurt. Even though they got knocked out in the playoffs, they recognized your contributions to the team.”

Connor just sat there in shock. “So I take it that you are okay with accepting it?” Tanisha asked slyly.

“Yes!” Connor said finally coming out of the shock and smiling happily.

“Great. Tomorrow there will be a press event for you to sign your contract at the Padres complex. Lots of press, management, etc.” Tanisha told him and he just nodded. “And before you ask, I think it would be better if Jude didn’t attend.”

Connor’s smile fell off and he started to frown. “But isn’t there a large crowd? Couldn’t he just be in the audience?” he asked her.

“Connor I know that normally family is there and all, but having him there is too big of a risk. Besides as a single guy, it looks better if you are up there alone and not risk any distractions. All it would take is one person seeing him there, you looking over and smiling or something, to put all of this in jeopardy. Do you really want to throw away a $120 million and your chance to be a major league baseball player?” she said skeptically. “Not to mention, we are starting to get inquiries for endorsement deals and sponsorships that we don’t want to risk.”

Connor wasn’t happy, but he finally agreed that it would be for the best and left after Tanisha promised to send him all the details. He wanted to go out to celebrate but knew that he couldn’t. Walking into the house Connor called out “Jude? You home?”

“Writing” came the distant reply. Jude had set up his computer in the spare room and had turned it into his home office where he could do his writing. Connor headed into the room and plopped down on the bed while he watched Jude with his face scrunched up in concentration as he typed away.

Connor smiled as he watched Jude work. The last year had been good but hard. Not being able to be open, to have him at games, to go out was no fun but maybe this might make it better. “So…” Connor drawled out slowly. “I got a contract offer today from the Padres”

“Uh huh” Jude muttered. “That’s great. Another year like last time?” he asked as he continued to type. Connor was impressed that he was able to multi-task enough to reply and type.

“No” Connor said nonchalantly. “They offered me seven years and $120 million” Connor said casually.

“That’s great” Jude replied automatically.

“I liked it” Connor said smirking waiting for the words to break through Jude’s focus on his work. “Thinking about getting a new TV for the living room too. What would you like to do for dinner?”

“Chinese?” Jude replied absently.

Connor could tell the moment it happened. Jude’s fingers froze on the keyboard and he saw his shoulders pull back as his head come up. Jude turned around to look at Connor with his eyes widened in surprise. “Wh-what did you say?” Jude stuttered.

“Chinese for dinner?” Connor said smirking.

“No…” Jude stammered

“New TV for the living room” Connor tried really hard to look innocent.

Jude stood up and shook his head. “You got a new contract?” Jude said.

“Oh that” Connor tossed off standing up and heading towards the door. “Yes” he said as he walked to the living room.

Jude was right behind him and grabbed him around the waist as Connor started laughing. “Did I hear you correctly…seven years?” Jude said with a smile on his face.

“Yep!” Connor laughed. “$120 million for seven years” Connor finished as Jude’s shock returned.

“You did it” Jude whispered in disbelief.

“I did it!” Connor yelled and swung Jude around in celebration and kissed him passionately. Jude’s surprise quickly shifts as he kisses back. Jude finally pulls back when he needs to gasp for air but he is smiling at the man in his arms.

“I am so proud of you Connor!” Jude breathes.

Connor leans forward connecting their foreheads and he relishes the warmth of the arms holding him. “I don’t think I would have gotten here without you Jude” Connor confesses. “All the way back to that night we met at the bar…you have been my anchor. You keep me grounded so I can be successful. The fire, spring training in Florida, my dad and all of that. Jude you have given me a safe place to shelter from everything. You know how much I love you…don’t you?” Connor says desperately.

Jude smiles gently. “I know Connor and I love you just as much. You have changed my life just as much and I can’t imagine being here without you either.”

“Um…” Connor looked sad as he gazed at Jude. “They are going to do a big press event tomorrow where I sign my contract.”

“Okay” Jude sounded confused. “Is that a problem?”

“Just that…well, normally family comes to the event, but since my dad died and we are not out” Connor’s voice died down to nothing.

“I can’t come” Jude finished for him.

“Jude…” Connor pulled Jude into a hug. He felt the brunette stiffen in his arms for a moment before he relaxed and returned the hug.

“I know Connor” Jude finally said. “I don’t like it…I never have. But I understand. I mean that’s a whole lot of money…so much it doesn’t even seem real.”

“And that’s not everything” Connor said as he pulled him over to the couch and they sat down. “Tanisha has gotten a number of calls about endorsement deals and other opportunities. With the $5 million signing bonus, first year paycheck of $10 million, and endorsements deals, she thinks I might make over $20 million this year alone.”

Jude was flabbergasted. He couldn’t even imagine that kind of money for the guy who just a few years ago he had to buy clothes for after the fire that burned down his apartment. A fire that ended up being the result of arson. The owner of the building had set the fire to collect the insurance on the place rather than fix it up to meet city requirements.

“I was thinking…maybe we could buy a house?” Connor said carefully.

Jude looked at him in shock. “We?” he whispered.

“Yeah…we. I mean it would be expected that I have a real place to live, right? I mean on a year to year contract living in an apartment makes sense, but with a seven year contract, I could afford something more permanent. And since I am single, it would make sense if I brought a couple of friends along to help me. I was thinking you and Steve could come along with me?” Connor said with a smirk. “You know…my buddies.”

Jude grabs him fiercely laughing. He cannot believe that they are thinking about houses. He figured that they would at some point, but it still surprises him that Connor is willing to do this now. “But what about Tanisha?” Jude asks suddenly concerned.

Connor shrugs. “We will come up with something. Maybe I can get Steve to stay in one of the rooms so it looks more like a frat house than a real house and only we will know the difference” Connor laughed. “But we can look around and see.”

“There are even some really cool downtown condos if we don’t want to do the whole house thing” Connor says with a smile. “A couple of the players have condos in downtown that are amazing.”

“I lived near the beach with my moms, but I always wanted an ocean view…somewhere that you can pretend you are alone in the world” Jude mumbled. “But I don’t care as long as we are together” he smiled at Connor.

The next day, Jude sat at home and watched Connor sign his contract. Shortly after he started getting texts from his family. Mariana called and screamed at him. Jesus just said ‘Congrats dudes!’ Brandon and Callie sent their encouragement and then the phone rang. Looking at his mom’s picture he smiled.

“Hey boo!” Stef said when he answered. “Just saw the news flash about Connor signing. That is so good to hear. Your grandfather Frank would have been so proud to have a Padre in the family.”

Jude raised his eyebrows. “Mom…I am not sure about that” he said carefully.

“Okay, sure. He would have preferred that Callie or Mariana was dating the player, but I still think he would have been okay with it. Especially if you could get him tickets” Stef confessed.

Jude and Stef laughed and they talked about family for a bit longer before Stef turned serious. “Jude…are you okay with all of this?” Stef asked carefully.

“With what?” Jude said being intentionally dense.

“Normally the family is there. Girlfriends, wives, parents, etc. Since you weren’t there I am guessing that you are still keeping your relationship secret and it’s only going to get harder” Stef’s voice was gentle but firm.

“I know mom” Jude sighed. “But Connor’s career is just beginning. Coming out now could derail all of that and maybe make it impossible to play or get endorsements.”

“Do you really believe that Jude?” Stef asks him softly. “It seems that this is pretty hard on you.”

“It’s hard on both of us mom” Jude growls. “Tanisha is very protective of Connor’s image. She thinks that he could get a lot of endorsements this year so she is just being extra careful.”

“Jude, it’s your decision too” Stef reminds him. “Don’t give up who you are for anyone.”

They talk for a bit longer before he hangs up and he moves to the kitchen to finish with their celebration dinner. Connor had confirmed right before the press event that he would be home by seven for dinner so Jude still had some time.

* * *

“Congratulations Connor” Ron said. As the owner, he was there with the management team and the PR department. “We are really glad to have you as a Padre for the future!”

“Thank you sir” Connor said smiling. “I am really happy here and being part of the team is everything I ever wanted to do.”

Connor takes a lot of pictures and smiles and shakes a lot of hands. Tanisha introduces him to several VIPs and one woman, Melinda, who talks to him about doing an interview and magazine shoot for the local San Diego magazine. It’s all really crazy for Connor but he loves meeting people and Tanisha is smiling so much she looks like she is at a party.

“Connor, this is David and this is Marcus” Tanisha introduces two men about twenty minutes later. “They would love to talk with you about working with their sports program.”

“That sounds great” Connor says smiling as he shakes their hands. “I can’t wait to hear more” he says automatically.

“How about dinner tonight?” Marcus suggests. “We can take you out for a great steak and tell you all about our program.”

Connor smiles a bit sadly. “Sorry. I am already committed tonight, but I am sure Tanisha and I can find another night soon” he nods at Tanisha who’s smile looks a lot less natural than it has all night.

“Connor” she says smiling at the guys. “Maybe you can rearrange your plans? Marcus and David are really excited about this.” She looks at the guys and smiles at them “We really appreciate your interest gentlemen.”

Connor watches Tanisha as she starts to plan for them to meet for dinner tonight and he waits as they all seem to have it worked out. “Gentlemen” Connor interrupts them, his voice polite but firm. “I do apologize but Tanisha has forgotten that this commitment can’t be moved again” he ignores her glare at him. “But I am very interested in talking with you about this as I have heard really good things about your program” he smiles and reaches out to shake both of their hands. “We have an early game on Monday, perhaps you can come to the game and we can do dinner afterwards?” he suggests.

Both of them smile and nod and express their appreciation and after a few minutes they head off and Tanisha turns to him looking unhappy. “Connor, that was a very important meeting” she begins.

Connor turns to look at her and frowns as she continues. “I need to be able to schedule meetings and not have to deal with you wanting to sit around your apartment.”

Connor smirks. “If you prefer, we can go out with them tonight. I’ll just call Jude and have him join us instead” Connor offers. He chuckles at her reaction. “No? Then don’t mess with my plans again Tanisha. We agreed to not being public, but I didn’t agree to drop him whenever you come up with something at the last minute” Connor says feeling some strength in his voice.

Tanisha looks surprised and not too happy with his reaction but she just nods and he turns to go speak to one of the PR people. He screwed up once with the first game, he wasn’t going to go off and ignore Jude again


	10. Chapter 10

Things were going well, but the stress levels were getting higher and higher for Connor, though he thought he was handling it all pretty well. The All Star Game had been a great experience for him, he met some amazing players, and he played really well. Then the rest of the summer was spent house/condo hunting. Steve brought his girlfriend along with Jude and Connor, they told the agent for the woman’s point of view, but in reality it was because Steve was getting really serious about her and had confessed to Connor that she might be “the one” for him. Steve and Alisha really liked the downtown condos in the towers but Connor really liked the houses on the beach and he knew that Jude was thinking the same. There were some great places that they saw but they were taking their time before making any decisions. 

Jude and him had sat down at the beginning and drew up a list of everything they liked before they started and Connor had kept that list handy to compare it to places even though Jude kept saying they would have to compromise on some things. Connor was determined to find something that hit all their wants and dreams.

The summer was also the time that the sponsorships that Tanisha had worked on started lining up. David and Marcus, the guys from the contract signing, did in fact come to Connor’s next game and at dinner they talked about their program for youth outreach for lower income kids and Connor had agreed to work with them. He had already gone to a skills camp and done a couple of other events and had a great deal of fun. The Padres really liked it when their players did community outreach work.

Financially, he had picked up an endorsement with Gatorade, much to Jesus’s delight and amusement, as well as ones with Gillette, Rawlings, and Nike. He did a half dozen local deals for southern California businesses as well. What surprised Connor the most was the calls Tanisha got to asking him to do actual model work and how that turned into endorsements with Christian Dior and Ralph Lauren, much to the delight of his teammates not to mention Mariana. Connor secretly enjoyed modeling but pretended he didn’t because Jude loved teasing him about it. However, he really did love the photos. 

* * *

It was August, about a month after his cologne ad for Ralph Lauren had been airing when Tanisha called him. “Connor” she sounded really excited. “You have to come see me now!” she sounded like she was bouncing off the walls.

Connor agreed and swung by her office. Walking in she grabbed him and pulled him into her office. “Okay” Connor was laughing “what’s got you all worked up?” he asked.

“You just hit the jackpot” Tanisha laughed. “ESPN called and said that after seeing your performance in the All Star Game and your Ralph Lauren campaign, they were definitely interested in having you but they had filled all the spots so they were going to wait till next year." Connor laughed as she was babbling she was so excited. "However, they had a last minute cancellation and want to know if you would be willing to pose for this year’s body issue!” she gushed.

Connor froze in shock. “They want me to pose for the body issue?” he muttered “…naked?”

Tanisha laughed. “Technically you’re naked, but it’s tasteful and you know it won’t hurt your reputation. Some of the absolute top athletes in every sport have done the shoot” she reminded him. “It is a huge honor to be asked and it definitely will improve your name recognition!”

Connor sat down on the couch in shock. He hadn’t really taken the modeling seriously despite all of Jude’s teasing about how he looked, but he never considered that would get asked to do this photoshoot. He knew that the shoot was always done tastefully and he had to be honest, he did have a good body, one he worked hard to maintain. The issue really highlighted the fact that professional athletes’ bodies were their tools that they worked on every day. 

Connor agreed and found out that he would need to do the shoot in two weeks, a rush, but he was in peak condition so he left after Tanisha promised to send him all the information. Driving home he smiled as he imagined Jude’s reaction.

* * *

 

Jude was finishing up shopping at the Whole Foods near their apartment and had just grabbed some wine to go with the steaks he was making for dinner when he sighed looking at the nearly full cart. He was still amazed by how much food Connor could put away when he was working out, conditioning, and competing. The only good thing was that they rarely ever had leftovers so he got to experiment with a lot of different recipes. He had even let his mama drag him a cooking class last year which had turned out to be a lot more fun than he wanted to admit. Connor definitely appreciated his efforts even if it seemed that he was inhaling his food rather than enjoying it.

Stepping into the checkout line he noticed the local San Diego magazine had a “Most Eligible Bachelor’s” edition and he just shook his head in amusement. Then he started listening to the two women in front of him who were looking at a copy and he was thoroughly amused.

“Oh he is gorgeous!” the first said. “Real Estate attorney and surfer!”

“Check out that guy! If that’s what the firemen look like, I’m setting my house on fire!” the second teased.

“This is my favorite section! The athletes!” the first gushed. “Marcus Daniels with the Chargers - Hot, Francois Lacadie of the San Diego Gulls - dreamy, Miguel Ramirez of the San Diego Flash – look at those legs!” she sighed. “Oh Lord!” she swore when she turned the page “look at the butt on him!”

“Who’s that?” the second asked peering at the picture. 

“The catcher for the Padres…Connor Stevens. Voted best butt in San Diego!” she laughed and then turned to look at Jude who was suddenly coughing uncontrollably. He smiled at them when they looked concerned as he tried to regain some control.

Grabbing a copy of the magazine, Jude added it to his pile and tried to act casual though based on the look the checker gave him, she definitely was curious. Jude managed to avoid looking at it till he got home. He started up dinner and kept looking at it without opening it but it finally got too much for him and he opened it up while the potatoes were cooking.

Flipping the pages he finally came to that page. The picture was one of Connor, squatting down at home plate with his mask up and looking sideways toward someone. The picture, he had to admit, was great. Connor’s profile was clear and strong, his hair spiked from the sweat and his effects of his helmet that he had obviously just taken off. And the girls were right, his butt was very well displayed in the photo since it was taken from behind him. The caption “Best Butt in San Diego” was written across the top of the page and unlike some of the bachelors, Connor had been given a full page. Jude snorted and knew that Connor was so going to never hear the end of this!

It was about twenty minutes later when Connor came home and walked into the house to the smell of grilling steaks, potatoes, and asparagus. Jude had already put the wine and salad on the table and Connor smiled hugely as he walked in and hugged Jude from behind. Taking a deep breath through his nose he smiled at the combination of smells and flavors from the food and Jude’s cologne. “Hey honey…I’m home” he muttered into Jude’s ear as he kissed him at the end of his jaw.

Jude leaned back and tilted his head enjoying being engulfed in Connor’s embrace. He stayed there for a moment before turning around to kiss Connor properly. Luckily the timer went off or Jude was fairly certain he would have burned dinner thanks to the distraction of kissing Connor. Pulling apart, they both grabbed the remaining items and while Connor ran to the bathroom to wash up, Jude finished setting things out and they were able to eat.

After some basic talking about their days, Jude got a rather wicked smile on his face. “So…guess what I found in the supermarket today?” he teased.

“New dishsoap?” Connor smirked and ducked as Jude threw his napkin at him. “Sorry! New wine?” he ventured.

“No. San Diego Magazine had their ‘Most Eligible Bachelor’s’ edition out today” Jude said casually.

“So?” Connor looked confused. “Something I need to worry about?” he asked.

“Actually no” Jude said with a twinkle in his eye. “Good news for me actually. Seems I have regular contact with the best ass in San Diego” he smirked.

Connor looked confused for a moment until Jude pulled over the magazine open to Connor’s picture and handed it to him. Connor immediately blushed beet red and started to stammer, causing Jude to laugh out loud. Connor glared at his boyfriend for a few minutes before he started to chuckle along. “Well this was a surprise” Connor finally got out. “Normally the press tells us but some of the local ones just do it” he confesses.

“I plan to have this photo framed” Jude said teasingly.

Connor blushed again but even darker. “You might want to hold off on that plan?” Connor suggested.

“Oh no” Jude laughed. “Why would I ever hold off Connor? We can hang it in the main room. I wonder if I can get a poster sized version” he said looking thoughtful. 

Connor smiled for a moment before the blush came back. “Well you might want to considering…” Connor trailed off.

“Considering?” Jude asked with narrowed eyes.

“Tanisha called me today. ESPN wants me to pose for this year’s ‘Body Issue’ and it will come out in October” Connor said quietly.

Jude sat there for a moment before he burst out laughing. “You mean the issue where the athletes are all nude?” 

“Hey” Connor yelled. “It’s very tasteful. Some of the world’s top athletes have done it” Connor tried to say as Jude was laughing uncontrollably. “Serena Williams, Michael Phelps, Giancarlo Stanton, Apolo Ohno,…” Connor slowed as he ran out of the names he knew.

Jude grabbed his water glass to try and gain some control but his eyes were watering so much. He almost knocked it over but managed to right it and take a deep drink. “It’s great Connor…honest” Jude managed to get out. “I am just thinking about what’s going to happen at Thanksgiving Dinner at moms after it comes out” he started giggling again picturing his family’s reaction.

Connor suddenly paled when he realized that all of Jude’s family: siblings, moms, and grandparents were going to see him naked!!! He groaned and hit his head on the table causing Jude to lose it in another round of laughter.

After a few minutes Jude had calmed down enough to ask for some details and was surprised that they were taking the photos so early but he didn’t know magazine timelines. Connor said he would do the photos in two weeks. “Look, I don’t care what we have to do, you have to make one thing clear to Tanisha” Jude said suddenly serious.

Connor froze and looked over at Jude’s serious face. “What?” Connor asked nervously.

“Find a way for me to be at the photo shoot” Jude said with a huge grin. “I miss games and the contract signing, but I get to go to this…period. I don’t care if it’s as your personal assistant, biographer, or as someone from her office. Figure it out, but I want to be there!” Jude said clearly.

“You just want to see me naked…in front of a bunch of people” Connor accused him.

“Yep!” Jude smiled. “Besides” he got a wicked look on his face “I need some pointers if I am ever to take any personal ones” he wiggled his eyebrows causing Connor to flush and jump up after him. Jude however was ready and had leapt up and dashed for the bedroom before Connor caught him and they fell into their bed laughing and kissing. The laughing quickly faded and the kissing became more serious.

* * *

 

Things went pretty well for the next few weeks. Jude did get to go to the photo shoot for Connor as a rep from Tanisha’s office as Connor’s assistant which Jude loved. He was responsible for holding Connor’s robe between shots and he had a blast. Connor started off really nervous and embarrassed but the photographer was really good and very quickly they were taking some amazing pics. Everything was well lit, well-choreographed, and Jude was surprised how good the pictures were. Jude had got Connor to ask for the unused photos and going over them after dinner led to an amazing night in the bedroom. Connor teased him but Jude was serious about getting a few of the photos framed.

Of course his family was brutal. Mariana found out first and called Jude screaming. Turns out she had set up an online alert for any news or posts about Connor and when word got out he would be in the issue, she had seen it and called Jude to confirm and when he did she lost it. Once the issue actually came out, Jude got an Edible Arrangements bouquet from her with a card that just read ‘Damn!’ on it. Callie texted a string of emojis while Brandon and Jesus just gave him a look but didn’t say anything. Moms just snickered when they came over for dinner and Stef’s only comment was ‘Nice photo Connor’ which resulted in a rather significant choking incident.

Grandma Sharon sent a text demanding a signed copy of the photo for her house to show all her friends even if she couldn’t say why and then started telling stories of her and Frank when they were first married that had Jude dying of embarrassment. Thanksgiving was going to be insane he knew!

* * *

 

Connor had just finished working with one of the trainers in the weight room this morning since they didn’t have a team practice. He wanted to finish up and grab a quick lunch before spending some time with the batting staff working on his swing some more. He really wanted to see if he could bump up his batting average this season.

Feeling his phone vibrate, Connor pulled out his ear buds and saw it was Tanisha. “Hey Tanisha” Connor said breathing heavily.

“Connor” her voice did not sound happy. “Can you and Jude come to my office?”

“Uh…sure” Connor said not sure what was going on. “When?”

“Can you come now?” Tanisha said carefully. “It’s important.”

“Sure” Connor said knowing that Tanisha wouldn’t talk important stuff on the phone. “I need to grab a shower and then I will pick him up and will be there soon.” 

Hanging up he quickly dialed Jude who picked up “Jude” Connor said quickly. “Not sure what’s going on but Tanisha called and asked to see us in her office as soon as possible. I’m going to shower and change and will be by to pick you up. Can you go?” he remembered to ask.

Jude was suddenly nervous “Sure” he replied and Connor hung up. Leaving his office, Jude decided to dress a bit nicer than he was currently. He never liked going to Tanisha’s office, it was never a good thing. It had been about 15 minutes since Connor called when his phone rang again. Looking down he saw it was Mariana.

“Hi Mari” Jude said absently.

“Jude, have you been online?” Mariana said without pausing. 

“No” Jude said nervous.

“Go to gossipbuzz.com” she told him. Opening his computer he entered the address and saw a bunch of tabloid level articles about celebrities but nothing stood out.

“I don’t see anything” Jude confessed.

“Do you see the article ‘Gays in the Lockerroom’ on the right?” she directed him and he did see it and clicked on it. Quickly scanning it he it seemed to be a piece about how certain players in Baseball, Football, and Basketball were never seen with a female date and whether some players had more in their closets than uniforms. It was a badly written piece that was jerky in writing and Jude was embarrassed to be a writer by association. Then he saw it, Connor’s name and speculation why such a good looking guy had never been seen clubbing, dating, or even out with a girl. Jude froze and thought his heart stopped. Tanisha must have seen this and is freaking out.

“Thanks Mari” Jude said with a dead voice.

“Jude” her voice broke. “If you need anything…” she trailed off. 

“It’s okay. I’ve got to go, but thank you Mariana…really. Love you” Jude ended the call and headed downstairs to meet Connor.

Connor pulled up a few minutes after he got downstairs and he jumped in the truck as Connor drove. Jude told him about the web post questioning Connor’s sexual orientation and saw Connor pale. He hated to do it but he didn’t want Tanisha to blindside him with this. He recovered enough that they were able to walk into her office without showing any concern outwardly. 

Walking into her office they sat down and Tanisha said across from them on the couch and turned around her tablet with the story on it. “We have a problem” she said simply. “This is a crappy website, I know, but other outlets will pick up on it quickly enough. We need to take action to cut this off” she is looking directly at Connor and the disappointment is clearly written on her face. She doesn’t even look at Jude.

“So…what do you think we should do?” Connor finally asked after looking down for a minute.

“I know some young ladies” Tanisha started. “They are very nice and understanding. She will understand that this is a business arrangement, but she can attend events with you, go out to some social events, etc. It would be easy to set up” Tanisha said all business like. 

Jude closed his eyes and felt his heart race. He had dreaded this but had feared it would happen eventually. Connor had either gone solo to events or had skipped a number of parties, events, and other stuff that other players went with wives and girlfriends and he wondered how long they would be able to avoid questions like this.

“We can arrange a nice backstory with a young lady who had wanted to avoid all the ‘attention’ of dating a MLB player but is ready now or something similar” she told them. “This would give us a double win. We could select someone who will draw attention to your name recognition as well” Tanisha said with a smirk.

“You want me to lie” Connor said and Jude looked up quickly at his tone. He recognized that tone, the one he had when he was about to be really unhappy.

“It’s not so much a lie Connor as it is protecting your brand and ability to play without distraction” Tanisha said clearly frustrated.

Connor sat there for a few minutes just looking down before he took a deep breath and looked over at Jude. He got a smile and Jude could see the tension leave his shoulders.

“No” Connor said clearly as he looked at Tanisha. “I am not getting a ‘beard’ Tanisha. I understand that coming out is a risk but if I ever decide to do so I am not going to have to explain lying about dating some random girl. I could ask either of Jude’s sisters to go to events if I wanted to but I’m not doing that either. To be fair…even if I wasn’t dating Jude I have barely had time to breath let alone date since getting called up. You have me doing events, endorsements, and modeling and that is in addition to working out, practice, and playing. Look at my schedule…I doubt I have a five hours a week free. If someone asks, tell them that, but I am not doing the beard” Connor said flatly.

Standing up he reaches for Jude’s hand. “Connor” Tanisha says clearly unhappy.

“You are my agent. If you can’t manage this Tanisha, I will get someone who can” Connor looked angry. Tanisha suddenly looked nervous and put up her hands. 

“I can manage it” she quickly stated but Jude did not miss the glare he got when Connor looked away. “Just might be rough is all” she warned them.

Connor just nodded and they left, separating their hands before opening the door, and they headed to Connor’s truck. Neither of them spoke as they walked down and got in the truck and drove off. Connor was breathing heavily and Jude could see he was struggling.

“Connor are you sure?” Jude started to say.

“Don’t!” Connor cut him off with a snarl. “Jude it isn’t just about you” he said after a few moments to gain control of himself. “No I am not going to ‘date’ someone else while we are together, but I am also not going to pretend to be something I am not either.” Connor looked over at him briefly. “I have had to lie too long and I’m not doing that again. I may not be ready to come out, but that is different” he said finally.

Jude intertwined their fingers and squeezed. He loved Connor…so much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to Benjy for beta-ing the story so that I stay true to his vision!


	11. Chapter 11

Connor hadn’t made much progress on finding the perfect house/condo front but he had seen some great places. Last weekend he had been over to one of his teammate’s apartment building and he was seriously reconsidering talking to Jude about moving there and renting for a bit more. The apartment was in a luxury building with a lot of amenities and it was amazing and while not as big as they were thinking, it would work for a few years, maybe. One of the big benefits was the security at the door to keep non-residents out.

Thanksgiving at Jude’s moms’ house had been as crazy as they predicted with all the teasing and joking about Connor’s appearance in the Body Issue but he was really proud of it and Jude had confessed to being REALLY happy about it. He had even managed to have a poster sized version of his favorite pose framed for their place and gave it Connor at Christmas, much to Connor’s embarrassment. 

The Padre's season was going amazing and the team was really happy with Connor’s performance. He was fairly certain he would get asked back to the All Star game this year and he was really happy about that as he had enjoyed last year’s game so much that he was looking forward to going back. The Padres were doing well, but Connor didn’t have any illusions that they were going to make it to the Series this year. But they were getting better he thought. The team was struggling with a number of issues and after three of their players had gotten minor injuries, they were struggling to maintain their momentum, let alone surge ahead in the rankings.

Connor had also seen a huge spike in interest in him for endorsements after the Body Issue came out and they offered him some really good money. He had even been signed to model and endorse a new line of men’s swimwear for a new line called Hermosa Beach that was affiliated with Speedo. The company like his “Southern California” look and so he was working with modeling both the swimwear as well as casual wear they were selling. 

He had even picked up calls for magazines including a cover for Men’s Fitness and piece in GQ and he was getting recognized a lot more often than ever before. Tanisha had managed to handle that whole “why doesn’t he date” with the piece in GQ. He was profiled and talked a lot about his hectic schedule and although he didn’t mention it, the writer had mentioned Adam’s recent death. Overall it was very well written, according to Jude, and seemed to explain his focus on career. 

Tonight he had stayed late at the stadium working with the conditioning coach on his legs and, exhausted, he had called in his and Jude’s dinner order at their favorite restaurant after calling Jude to make sure he hadn’t planned anything. Luckily Jude hadn’t as he was “in his zone” and had been writing up a storm so he had lost track of time. Connor smiled thinking about Jude’s breakthrough. 

Jude had written a piece on the foster system based on several of the people that he and Callie knew from their time and it had been picked up nationally and generated serious attention. Jude had been asked to write a piece on social issues for O magazine that was focused on young women in the foster care system and several of the former Girls United friends of Callie had been interviewed by Jude. 

The stories had really gotten Jude some attention and after meeting with a publisher, he had been contracted to write his and Callie’s own story from entry to adoption and he had been working hard at it in between writing articles for his paycheck. Connor was so proud of him and what he was accomplishing.

Walking in to the familiar restaurant he nodded at Melissa who was working at the hostess station. She went to get his order. He didn’t even have to give his name to her as he was such a regular there. Connor loved the place because it was close to home and the food was very healthy and locally sourced which fit his nutrition plan.

Paying, with a generous tip, Connor got back in his truck and headed home without noticing the plain blue sedan that was following behind him. He pulled into the garage for his building and grabbing the food and his bag, he headed towards the entrance of the building.

“CONNOR STEVENS!” a voice called out surprising him. Connor turned and saw a guy running towards him with a camera. He started taking pictures and Connor stepped back in surprise from the flashes.

“Excuse me?” Connor said stepping back. 

“Are you seeing someone tonight? Got dinner for two?” the guy asked continuing to take pictures “are you dating someone? Who’s the lucky lady?” the guy continued and Connor realized he was having a paparazzi moment. Instead of answering, Connor frowned and turned around and headed for his building’s entrance while the guy continued taking his picture as he chased after him. Connor entered his building and the guy tried to follow him in but Connor stopped him at the door and wouldn’t let him in. This wasn’t funny and it was getting serious. 

“This is a private building” Connor said and blocked the man’s way. “Leave or I will call the police” he said to the guy who was still taking pictures.

The guy stepped back a bit and that allowed Connor to close the door and it locked when it did. Connor headed in but the guy was still taking pictures so he avoided the elevators and went to the stairway going to the second floor where he called the elevator to ride it up to his floor. Looking out carefully when the doors opened, the coast was clear so he dashed for their apartment and slipped in, quickly shutting the door and locking it behind him.

“Connor” Jude said looking at him nervously as he walked over to Connor. “Everything okay?”

Connor looked up and took a deep breath before looking at Jude’s worried expression. “This paparazzi jumped out at me in the parking garage and followed me to the building door. He was taking pictures and asking who I was meeting since I bought dinner for two” Connor’s words were spilling out and Jude could see that now that he was home, he was getting mad. “I had to block him from entering the building so I could lock the door…he was really crazy.”

Jude came over and grabbed the bag with dinner and set it on the counter and then helped move Connor to the couch, setting his equipment bag down. Connor flopped onto the couch, shaking, and Jude held onto his boyfriend as he started shaking and stammering. This wasn’t the first time that Connor had gotten surprised by photographers but before it had always been at events or places where it was kind of expected. This is the first time someone had followed Connor home and Jude saw how disturbing it was for him.

“All I could think of was what would have happened if you had been in the car” Connor finally confessed. “He would have been doing that to you and I am pretty sure I would have snapped Jude.” Connor was shaking. “It was so hard not to punch the guy out with all the comments he was saying and how he was just so relentless and all I could think about was what if someone did that to you…” Connor trailed off.

Jude pulled Connor in tighter. He was ashamed to admit, even to himself, that when Connor first started talking he thought Connor was scared of being seen with Jude, of being caught with another guy, of being outed. Hearing Connor confess his fear for Jude’s safety made him want to smack himself for doubting the man in his arms. 

After he managed to get Connor calmed down they managed their dinner and were trying to relax when Connor got a call and looked down to see Tanisha’s name on his phone. Sighing he answered the phone and hit the speaker button “Hey T. What’s up?” 

“Are you okay?” Tanisha asked quickly. 

“Yeah” Connor replied uncertainly and looked at Jude with a question on his face.

“There are pics online of you walking into your apartment building on a couple of websites with notes that you had dinner for two with you from Emeliano’s” Tanisha tells him.

Connor is shocked. It’s only been about two hours since the incident and it’s already online?!? “How did they move that fast?” Connor muttered.

“Connor, these paps are willing to do anything for a shot of a star and you are now a star” Tanisha sighed. “Look, if everything is okay, just stay in, curtains closed and batten down the hatches. The problem is that now the paps know where you live and they are going to start staking out your place to get pics. Can you come to the office tomorrow morning?” she asks.

Jude nods sadly. “Yes” Connor agrees slowly.

“I think it would be better if you and Jude leave and travel separately. Have Jude go first. Hopefully no one will connect him with you and will leave him alone. Then you can head out and if they are there, then they won’t get pics of the two of you together” Tanisha tells them carefully.

Connor looks at Jude and they agree with the plan and hang up. The rest of the night doesn’t go as either of them were hoping and they end up turning in early and lying in bed together with Jude wrapped tightly in Connor’s arms. They didn’t talk much because Jude was truly afraid about what was going to happen tomorrow. He was afraid that things were coming to a head and Connor was going to have to make a choice and the only choice that made sense would destroy Jude’s world.

* * *

 

Jude walked off the elevator on Tanisha’s floor and walked in to the office. Walking up to the secretary he told her he was here and she asked him sit down in the waiting area. Jude grimaced and walked over with a bit of frown. Every time he had been there they had walked right in but since Connor wasn’t here yet, it seemed that he was being made to wait. Not really a surprise he thought. Looking around the office he noticed the people working and he started drafting the idea for a story about how agents and managers of athletes control their talents and he wonders what kind of information he could find if he did some digging. 

About twenty minutes later Connor steps off the elevator and walks into the office. The secretary picks up her phone and suddenly Tanisha is coming out. Yep, no one was in her office. Jude decided to wait to see what would happen when Connor headed towards the office and Tanisha followed him in without looking in Jude’s direction. 

Connor walked into the office and looked around but didn’t see Jude anywhere. He should have beaten Connor here and he turned around to look at Tanisha “Is Jude here yet?” he asked worriedly.

“Yes he is, but I wanted to talk to you for a minute alone” Tanisha said sitting down in her chair. 

Connor was still standing looking at her uncertainly. “If this is about our relationship Tanisha, then it affects both of us” Connor says unhappily.

“Connor I understand that the two of you are together, but do you realize the danger that Jude is now in?” Tanisha asks looking up at him.

Connor sits down and looks at her. “What do you mean?” he asks.

“Connor” she sighs heavily. “They know where you live. They are going to start trying to get in the building. Talking to your neighbors. They will start following people to figure out why you are there. Even if we go with the idea that he’s just a roommate, which we can do, they are going to start digging into him and he isn’t exactly in the closet. You living with a gay guy…Connor it doesn’t take a genius to ask why a millionaire athlete, who is never seen with a woman as a date, is living with a guy for several years instead of in a bachelor pad or house, and figure out that they are more than roommates.” She shakes her head. “Best case scenario we lose a couple of sponsors, Padres don’t get too upset, but now Jude is going to be a target for crazy fans who don’t like gays” she looks at him carefully. “Do you want that for him?” she asks.

Connor shakes his head. “No…I just want him to be safe” he says.

“Then I think you need to get your own place” Tanisha tells him. “We just have to find the right place that will allow you more security and safety.”

Connor sits quietly as Tanisha gets up and walks to the door and calls for Jude. Connor looks up as he walks in and Connor can see the stress and fear in Jude’s face and he stands up to reach for Jude’s hand. Tanisha goes over the situation and again and Connor can tell Jude is angry. Tanisha and Connor had promised that they wouldn’t do this to them and now they were sitting here telling him that they couldn’t be together.

Tanisha starts telling them about some of the bad experiences other players’ families have had that have really shook them as well as the consequences of Connor’s outing.

“Not that things are all bad” Tanisha says wistfully as she walks over to her desk and picks up a stack of papers and walks over to hand them to Connor. 

“What’s this?” Connor asks looking at her.

“Nike is really happy with your endorsements” she says with a smile. “They would like to extend your contract three years.”

Connor looks at Jude and smiles a bit and sees the pride in his boyfriend’s eyes. 

“They are offering five million a year” she adds and laughs at the shock on both of their faces. “I told you Connor that it was only a matter of time with endorsements. You have the look, you are an amazing player, great personal story, and you are the All American Boy. Your work modeling and in magazines, not to mention the buzz from the Body Issue, has made a lot of people notice you and this is just the beginning” she says with a sad note.

“There isn’t an out, active, major league baseball player and you could definitely go that way” she tells them “but I don’t know whether things like this” she points to the contract “will still come your way if you do.”

* * *

 

Jude is sitting on the couch watching Connor pack the last of his stuff in the boxes that he is moving to his new apartment. He had rented a place in a building not too far away that several of his teammates lived in and had protected parking and a manned front door. There would be no paparazzi getting in there. Connor had seen several people taking his picture when he had left to go to Tanisha’s and in the two days since but luckily it seemed that Jude was still an unknown.

“Well, I think that’s everything” Connor said and looked over at Jude and froze. The hurt on his face was clear for Connor to see and he hated this. He rushed over and wrapped Jude in his arms. “This isn’t permanent” he promises Jude. “It’s just for a bit and we can still be together a ton. You can come over and I can sneak here too” Connor assures him.

Jude wants to stop the tears flowing but he can’t so he just holds onto Connor tightly. He feels that this is something they have to do but he also feels that this might be the end of them. They have been together since Connor’s apartment burned down, only sleeping apart when Connor was on the road. Every year Jude had come with Connor to Spring Training even. Now…they would be sleeping apart and he didn’t know how they would manage it. No more dinners, or breakfasts, or movie marathons. Jude loved the man holding him but he knew he couldn’t destroy Connor’s career and life. He was making millions doing what he loved and it could all go away in an instant if he pushed.

They stayed there for another hour before Connor had to head out to training. The movers came about an hour later. Tanisha had arranged to have someone in her office to meet the crew at Connor’s new place so that they would not see Connor in either location. Once they were gone, his place looked so empty and there was nothing left of Connor there. The picture he had framed was packed and on the way to his new place. Only Jude’s copy of the “Best Butt in San Diego” picture was left and Jude broke down and wept.


	12. Chapter 12

The first night Connor was away they stayed up past midnight Skypeing online with each other till Connor was about to pass out and Jude wasn’t much better. They couldn’t touch, but there were long periods where neither said anything, they just watched each other, listening to the soft sounds the other made. It sucked but Jude admitted feeling a bit better seeing that Connor was as miserable as he was feeling. It made it feel more that they were together than apart.

The next night Connor had snuck over and they slept together till early morning when he slipped out and back home. He had driven around for almost an hour to lose anyone who might have been following him. Over the next month they alternated one day apart and one together so it wouldn’t be as noticeable and the varied where they met. Most often it was at the old apartment, sometimes at Connor’s new place, and a couple of times they rented a place for a few days to escape away.

The next month was harder. Connor got called to go to the All Star Game again and traveled more often though Jude had gotten a room in the same hotel as the team was staying and they managed to spend time together there without anyone the wiser. It was hard, but they were making it work.

Endorsement offers continued to come in and after the All Star Game Connor got another multiyear deal, this time with Ralph Lauren endorsing the Polo line of cologne and clothes. He was also invited to the ESPN Fashion Awards as a presenter and was dressed by Armani and Jude nearly died seeing Connor wearing the elegant black tux. He liked it so much Connor actually bought the tux to keep and got Jude a matching one to wear though Jude tried to decline saying that he had nowhere to wear it.

It’s tough, but the best part is when Connor decides to take three weeks off before Spring Training and he and Jude vacation in a house in Hawaii away from any prying eyes or cameras. They have a great time swimming, surfing, and just being together. Jude continues writing while they are gone and he moves down to Florida about a week before Connor arrives for Spring Training and they rent two condos in the same building, on different floors, where they manage to stay together most nights.

Once back in San Diego, things start getting a lot harder. Connor has a lot more PR events to attend and is going to press events every week it seems. The ‘sleepovers’ start to spread out from every other day to twice a week. They start missing the occasional nightly talk. Suddenly it is the end of September and Jude realizes that Connor hasn’t been over in over a week and they haven’t talked in three days. If he was traveling it would one thing, but Jude knows Connor is in town, just busy.

Connor shuts the door of the fridge and bites down on the apple slices he pulled out. He isn’t really hungry but he needs to chew on something. Dinner was another PR event that Tanisha had set up for him with some group he doesn’t even remember. Another plate of food that wasn’t bigger than a cracker and not enough for a professional athlete. He shouldn’t have grabbed In-and-Out burgers on the way home but he was starving so he justified it.

Falling down on the couch he turned on the TV to watch Sportscenter and saw them talking about the Marlins-Angels game from earlier today. Both teams are struggling before they move on to talking about college football and Connor starts to tune it out when his phone rings. Looking at the screen he sees Jude’s picture and sighs.

“Hey babe” Connor says, his voice betraying his exhaustion.

“Hey Con” Jude says gently but Connor can detect a hint of concern. “Are you doing okay?” he asks cautiously.

“Exhausted” Connor admits. He starts telling Jude about the dinner tonight and how boring it was and the awful food. They talk about minor things for a few minutes and Connor yawns at least four times in less than five minutes. “I’m sorry Jude but is it okay if I bail? I got an early meeting with a trainer tomorrow and I think I am going to crash” he says moving to the bedroom.

“Sure thing” Jude says sounding just as tired. “Talk to you tomorrow?” he asks.

“Sounds good. Night” Connor yawns and hangs up moving to wash his face, brush his teeth, and crawling into bed before passing out.

Jude puts down the phone after a few minutes of staring at it. For the first time in as long as Jude can remember they hung up and neither one said ‘I love you’.

Connor calls the next night and they talk like normal and Jude feels better. He writes off the day before to them being tired, but things continue downhill. Over the rest of the season, their visits decline until Jude suddenly realizes that they haven’t physically seen each other in over three weeks. During that time they talked about four times, the last being over a week ago. And Jude realizes that he initiated the last several times.

So he decides to wait and see. He doesn’t call or text Connor unless he does first. He gets the first text about five days after their last talk and it is a quick question. Asking about information on a restaurant they went to last year that they both really liked. He was talking about it with a teammate and couldn’t remember the name. Jude replied and got a quick ‘Thanks’ and nothing else. It was another week before Connor called and they talked as if nothing was different. It was a quick call though and Connor talked about a particularly tough stretch of games and told him some funny stories about Steve who had finally been called up to the Padres and was now on the team. He laughed about all the stress Steve was going through with their wedding plans and his girl's family who were now really happy he played ball.

It was nearly two weeks until the next call when Jude picked up. “Hey babe” Connor said breathless. “This has been a crazy time. I finally got some time to breathe and I missed you. You free for dinner tomorrow? Since talking about the Oyster House I have been craving seafood? I don’t know about you but I am ready just to have some time to relax” Connor kept going not even pausing for Jude to answer. 

Jude was angry. Two weeks and nothing but ‘craving seafood’? He hasn’t even asked about what I am doing. Jude stayed quiet and let Connor continue till he noticed.

“Jude? You still there?” Connor finally asked.

“Yes” Jude replied with no emotion in his voice.

“Well?” Connor prods.

“Well what?” Jude replies just as emptily.

“You up for Oyster House tomorrow? Weren’t you listening?” Connor laughs.

“Sorry, but I’m busy tomorrow” Jude says flatly.

Connor pauses finally hearing Jude’s voice. “Babe, is everything okay?” he asks.

“I’m tired Connor. I’m swamped with work, not that you would know or seem to care, and I’m not dropping everything because you can spare me a half hour because you have a craving for seafood” Jude says getting angry.

“Jude…” Connor starts.

“Good night Connor!” Jude cuts him off and hangs up.

* * *

 

Connor looks down at his phone in shock. What just happened? What was all that about sparing him a half hour? It’s not like this isn’t a busy time but Jude is acting like…Connor pauses and pulls up his text messages. Last one to Jude was almost three weeks ago. His last phone call…two weeks. He thinks about when he last saw Jude and that was…almost two months ago. Connor’s stomach clenches. How could it have been so long? He looks at his calendar and confirms it…nearly two months of not seeing Jude, and even then it was only a few hours. Connor grabs his head and shakes it in frustration. He has to leave for a week and a half after tomorrow and he doesn’t know what to do.

The next morning he decides that he will bring Jude dinner and apologize. He can stay late and then get up early to make the trip with the team. Everything is going well till he gets a call from Tanisha. The Japanese rep for Nike is in town and wants to meet him for dinner. They want him to do some PR work in Japan and think Connor is perfect. It would be an addition to his current endorsement, with a sizeable chuck on money for him for a year.

Connor sighs but agrees knowing he needs to keep up with his responsibilities. He shoots a text to Jude apologizing for last night and that he has to meet with Nike but will make it up to him when he gets back after the roadie.

To be honest, Connor really meant to do that. But by the time he got back he was exhausted. Their games were a nightmare and several players were fairly beat up. Connor had a minor shoulder issue, nothing to keep him from playing, but lots of extra therapy. Then Tanisha and the team had him doing several events so it was nearly three days after returning that he finally had a night to himself.

Grabbing his keys, he called Emeliano’s for their regular order but asked for it to be delivered to his building, which they were happy to do. Connor picked it up and headed to his car and drove off avoiding the paps as usual when he got away during the week. Parking in his old spot he slipped a snapback and shades on before heading up to Jude’s.

Getting to the door he let himself in calling out for Jude and moved to the kitchen and saw the remains of dinner still in the sink and he frowned before he realized it was nearly 8pm and that Jude must have already eaten. Putting down the food he headed to their bedroom and saw the door was closed but the light was still on. Why didn’t he hear him calling?

Smiling he started sneaking up to the door when he heard noise coming from inside. It was a heaving banging, grunting, and panting. Connor froze in shock, his throat closing and his heart threatening to punch out of his chest. He listened but couldn’t hear any voices, just grunts, pants and pounding. Tears starting up in his eyes, he braced himself and grabbed the door knob and slowly turned the handle, his mouth dry and the taste of bile rising up his throat.

He took a deep breath and threw open the door to hear a shocked shriek.

Connor looked at Jude who had suddenly fell on the floor. Drenched with sweat, his earbuds now dangling, and the weights he was holding bouncing on the floor where he had dropped them, Jude was looking at Connor is shock.

He was exercising? Connor finally processed the scene in front of him. Jude had been working out and with his music on, hadn’t heard Connor calling. Connor suddenly felt terrible for what he was thinking.

“DAMN IT CONNOR!” Jude yelled at him looking royally pissed off as he struggled to stand up.

Connor reached over to extend a hand but Jude ignored it and stood up on his own pulling out his earbuds and looking mad. “Sorry!” Connor said feeling embarrassed. “I called out but you didn’t hear me.”

“What are you doing here Connor?” Jude said sounding tired.

Connor frowned. They hadn’t seen each other in two months and he looks more annoyed than happy to see him. “I finally got a night free and grabbed some Emeliano’s” Connor began.

“I already ate” Jude cut him off.

“I saw” Connor said looking confused as Jude walked towards the kitchen, not looking at him.

Connor followed as Jude grabbed a glass of water before he looked at him and he didn’t look happy. 

“Jude, what’s wrong?” Connor asked. He was pretty sure Jude didn’t know what Connor had been thinking outside the door.

“I would have appreciated a heads up you were coming over” Jude said and Connor knew that wasn’t what was wrong.

“I need to warn you? Do I need permission to see my boyfriend?” Connor asked feeling a bit attacked to be honest.

“Boyfriend?” Jude snorted derisively.

Connor looked confused. “Yes. My boyfriend!”

“Did Tanisha approve this visit? I mean is this a stop and go thing, dinner and a fuck, or do I get the grace of your presence for more than an hour?” Jude snarls and Connor is stunned by the anger in his voice. Connor flounders and sees the stress and strain in Jude’s eyes, the tears glistening but not falling.

“What the hell does that mean?” Connor yells back.

“TWO MONTHS!” Jude yells and the tears now fall. “It’s been two months since I saw you. You are out at clubs and restaurants and dining with all the famous people. Going to all these shows and things, I see the papers and web and TV Connor, I know you are all over the place. I get one phone call because you can’t remember a restaurant’s name in almost a month” Jude’s voice is anguished. “So yeah, I am asking. You don’t even care about me anymore.”

“How can you say that Jude? After everything I’ve done?” Connor feels his eyes burning.

Jude laughs, but it’s an ugly laugh. “Everything you’ve done? YOU!?! You shoved me in the closet for your career Connor. I have given and given for you. You are walking red carpets and hanging out with supermodels and you don’t even care about me anymore. You haven’t asked me about my life or what I am doing in months, months Connor. Every call is about you! Your team, your game, your stress. You haven’t even paused long enough from being the be-all and end-all model athlete to bother to ask me about anything” Jude cried angrily.

Connor froze trying to remember their conversations but things were so busy, but surely they had talked about Jude’s stuff.

“Did you know that my book was accepted? Going to be published” Jude said bitterly. Connor opened his mouth to say something but was cut off. “Five weeks ago!” Jude yelled. Connor closes his eyes in denial. How did he not know that? Jude had been working on the book for over two years.

“Did you know that I won several awards for my articles? That I have spoken at three colleges about being a writer? That my sister got engaged? That my moms ask about you every family dinner, dinners that you haven’t been to in over a YEAR!” Jude rails and Connor steps back. 

A year? It can’t have been a year since he saw Stef and Lena…can it?

Connor and Jude stared at each other, tears running down both of their cheeks, the pain and anger and fear clear to each other.

“Jude…” Connor’s voice breaks. He reaches out only to see Jude flinch at his hand and that hurts him more than anything. 

Jude shakes his head as he steps back. “I think you should leave” he whispers.

“Jude, please no. Not like this” Connor moans. “We can’t leave it this way” he pleads. “I love you.”

Jude blinks at the tears and wipes them away with his hand. “I love you too Connor” he says looking at the shaking man across from him, “but I don’t know if that’s enough anymore.”

Connor feels his heart freeze at those words. “Jude” he barely manages to get out.

“I need to think Connor. I don’t know if I want to keep doing this, living like this. I need to think…without you” Jude stammers.

Connor’s tears are flowing freely now but he only nods as he slowly moves toward the door. He looks back at Jude, standing there crying and he is terrified this might be it. As his hand touches the door knob he hears Jude’s voice.

“Connor” he whispers and Connor looks back not sure if he should be hopeful or afraid. “Please leave your key.”


	13. Chapter 13

The following week was one of the worse ones for Connor if he was being honest. He threw himself into practice and working out and it helped a little bit. He was able to push his frustration into his efforts and if he was channeling his anger into his batting, no one was complaining too much. Tanisha was getting irritated because he had cancelled on several events and had told her that he was on a break and was focusing on the team.

“Connor” Tanisha’s voice sounded irritated. “These events are important to your career. You can’t be blowing them off for date night or whatever” she snapped.

“I am training and working out which is my job Tanisha” Connor growled back. “You might want to remember that!”

He hung up before she could respond, angry at her snide digs about Connor having any kind of life with Jude. It seemed that she was always making some kind of side comment about his relationship, but it was never outright, it was too subtle. He wouldn’t usually even get it until later that day or even longer when he thought about it. He also realized that he was being heavily scheduled, more so than most of the other players. He had even spoken with Mike, their star pitcher, who had similar endorsement activities but he didn’t seem to have problems with finding time for his wife and kids.

“You have to learn to say no Connor” Mike had told him. “Your agent will run you into the ground if you let them. But I will say that it seems yours is a bit over the top. I mean it seems like you never have any free time. It’s like you are never not doing something bro. If you don’t put some limits on it, you are gonna get burned out” Mike said trying to sound supportive.

Later, Connor is working at the batting cage, trying to forget about everything, when he hears a voice “Stevens!” he looks over and sees Steve smiling at him as he walks over.

“Hey Steve” Connor grunts but doesn’t stop.

“Dude you are turning into a machine!” Steve laughs. “You are making the rest of us look bad. Take a break or something.”

Connor ignores him and keeps swinging at the balls, channeling his anger, till the machine runs out of balls. He looks over at Steve who is watching him looking concerned. “We have a six game road trip Steve, I want to be ready” Connor finally responds.

“I know Connor, but for the last week you have been either here or in the training room nearly all day. I mean you are the first one here and the last one to leave. Go home or something” Steve’s voice is a combination of humorous and concerned but Connor shakes his head and goes to reload the machine.

“So how’s Jude doing?” Steve asks when he starts again causing Connor to miss his first ball of the afternoon. A fact that Steve notices but doesn’t comment on.

“What?” Connor stammers looking at Steve.

“Jude? Your boy? How’s he doing? Haven’t seen him in a while and wondered what he was up to” Steve asked with a wink.

“He’s fine. Got his book accepted to print, won some awards, sister got engaged, he’s fine” Connor replies absently.

Steve watches Connor swing at the balls and frowns. Connor loved talking about Jude before but something is wrong. He’s about to say something when Miguel, one of the veterans, comes over to tell them the coaches are calling for a team meeting. Connor leaves after the meeting and Steve forgets about pushing Connor for more info as he gets a frantic call from Cheryl about flower arrangements and he has to talk her down from threatening to kill her sister for arguing about sleeves, at least he thinks its about sleeves he really can't keep up with the wedding drama.

* * *

 

The road trip goes well for the Padres, they manage to win five of the six games they played and it puts the team in a good position in their division as they close in on the latter half of the season, every little bit helps, and when they get back to the stadium Connor heads for his truck and drives off. Steve, hugging Cheryl as she runs up to him, notices that Connor’s truck is empty and he is driving alone, frowns.

“Hey” Cheryl looks at him and notices the frown. “What’s wrong?” she asks.

“It’s probably nothing, don’t worry” he smiles at her.

“I haven’t ever seen him” she says looking back at Connor’s truck as it pulls away.

“What?” Steve asks confused.

“Jude” she clarifies. “I’ve never seen him pick up Connor, not since I’ve been coming to give you rides. I even asked, carefully, one of the other girls and they said Connor always drives himself, alone” she says sadly.

Steve frowns and looks around at all the family members meeting his teammates from their trip and feels bad for Connor having to pretend like this.

* * *

 

Connor walks into his apartment and looks around at the space. No one is there. No one has been there since he left except for the cleaning crew but it feels so sterile and lifeless. He walks into his bedroom and drops his bag and sits on the end of the bed, the empty bed that feels way too big for one person.

Connor pulls out his phone and opens his photos. He scrolls through the folder of him and Jude and looks at each of them slowly. They are smiling, laughing, and looking so happy. He pauses on one of Jude holding the camera and looking into it with a smirk that showed in the twinkle in his dark brown eyes and Connor feels his throat constrict.

He closes the photos and just breathes for a few minutes. He aches for Jude. He had forgotten how much the brunette had come to mean to him. Before their fight they had drifted apart and Connor knew that he bore a larger share of the blame for that. Connor had just assumed that Jude would always be there for them, that he would wait and Connor had just taken him for granted. He had been so focused on endorsements, team events, and his image that whenever something came up for him to do, he would just prioritize that, always putting Jude last, and he knew that Jude had stayed longer than he deserved.

He desperately wanted to call Jude. Apologize and promise to do better but he knew that they both knew that he would be lying. As long as he was in the closet Jude would always be his dirty secret, something to be hidden, ashamed of. He had everything he thought he wanted. He was playing on a major league team, they were actually in a position to fight for the Pennant and maybe even the World Series. 

He had money from endorsements and had more money than he could have imagined. It’s not like he was crazy with spending. He rented a nice apartment, but he had a truck that was great but it wasn’t insane like some of the other players. Truthfully he had invested most of his money and according to Dave, his accountant, he actually had done really well. He didn’t have to work another day if he didn’t want or didn’t make another dime and he would be fine. 

But he wasn’t ready to give up playing. He didn’t need the money or the fame or any of that, he just loved the game so much. But now that it had cost him Jude, he wasn’t sure it was really worth it.

He opened his phone and sent a text message to Jude before he could talk himself out of it. Then he sat his phone down and went to make dinner.

 **Connor:** I’m sorry Jude. I miss you.

Connor looked at his phone several hours later as he went to bed. There were no new messages.

* * *

 

Connor manages to make it another week and a half before he breaks. He had sent another two texts but Jude was obviously ignoring him. It was killing him and he had to do something or he was going to crawl out of his skin. Tanisha was freaking out.

She had tried to set up a half dozen different new meetings, events, and other activities for Connor’s evenings till he finally had called her office and yelled at her assistant and told him that he was in the middle of fighting for the pennant and not to schedule another damn thing for him till they were done with the season!

Connor was working out in the weight room, finishing up a circuit when he heard noise coming from the front door. Looking over he saw Tanisha walking in the room looking pissed off. He frowned and pulled out his headphones as she walked over.

“Connor, what the hell is wrong with you?” she yelled causing several of the other guys to look over in surprise.

“I’m working out and you are interrupting me Tanisha” Connor said moving to the next set of weights.

“You have been refusing to meet with clients, turning down PR events, do you even care about your brand? I have been having to work overtime to try and sooth everyone you are ignoring and screwing up possible endorsement deals” she is clearly pissed off.

Connor drops the weights. “Then maybe you should stop trying to waste my time when we are in the middle of the season” he tells her.

Tanisha looks confused for a second. “Connor” she starts again “I am thinking about what’s best for you and staying at home all day doing nothing is irresponsible!”

Connor steps up to her, his face flushed and she steps back in surprise. “I am focused on the game. I have been training, working out, and focused on baseball. You do remember baseball right? The whole reason I get all that other crap? Playing around?" Connor's voice is angrier than ever. "My job is right here, in this stadium, not being trotted out for every guy, girl, company, or press event who wants my time. I told Jared and now I’m telling you, so get it through your heads. I am not doing ANY meetings” Connor is now yelling. “No business lunches, no PR events at clubs or any other bullshit until the season is over. If you schedule another DAMN thing you will be the one explaining why I am not there and I will happily tell anyone who asks, all of those f-ing paparazzi who are hounding me day and night, that you are too damn incompetent to do your job! Get it through your head, I am playing baseball and nothing else. Is that clear?” Connor snarls and Tanisha looks panicked. She looks around the room and sees everyone watching them.

“Connor” she is all of sudden all sweet and placating “you are obviously stressed out with all the pressure about the pennant. I forgot that this is your first real race for the championship.” Tanisha smiles that fake smile he has seen her use at media events. “I will let them know that you are committing to bringing wins to San Diego and that is all you are focused on. It will be great for your brand, it will go over great and they will be ecstatic with the idea.” Tanisha smiles and steps back and looks at him with a fawning grin. “I will take care of it” she smiles around the room “you just focus on baseball.”

She is gone in a heartbeat and Connor feels his pulse racing.

“Dude” Connor looks over and sees Mike looking at the door that Tanisha just left through. “Your agent is…something” he trails off.

Connor grunts and moves to the weights and tries to lose himself again.

* * *

 

Jude pulled the tape over the top of the box, sealing it shut, and stood up looking around the apartment. Jesus came over with the dolly and put the box on it and headed out the door after a sad look at his younger brother that he thought Jude didn't notice. Stef had had to leave a bit ago but she took most of the electronic items with her before she left to go to work. Lena had come out of the kitchen a little while ago and was downstairs with the trailer that held the rest of Jude's things.

Jude looked around the empty apartment and sighed sadly. He had spent so many happy days in this place and now it just hurt to be here. Everything reminded him of Connor and it was killing him. He had finally agreed to move home for a while. His moms were worried about him. After three days of him sleeping in his old room not talking, he broke down and told them everything that had happened. He had cried himself hoarse on the couch as they held him and tried to help.

He appreciated that neither one of them said ‘I told you so’ nor made him feel any worse about the fact that they had warned him about this. They liked Connor, he knew that, so he also knew they felt bad about what happened. Jesus was the only one of his brothers and sisters that he told. Mariana was wrapped up in her wedding planning and Brandon was touring with his orchestra group. And Jude could not deal with Callie right now and what she would say. Callie had always disapproved of their relationship because Connor was in the closet though she hid it fairly well. Finding out about the break up would be stress he didn’t need right now.

Jude picked up the note he had written and walked across the hall to Mrs. Aksenchuk’s apartment. She was an elderly Russian lady who had lived in the building since before Jude had moved in and she was sweet. She had always brought them desserts and would look after the place whenever they were traveling. Connor and Jude had always checked up on her and would help out whenever they could. Both of her kids had died and her grandkids all lived out of state so she didn’t have any close family but she did have a number of friends so he wasn’t too worried about her.

He left the letter with Connor’s name on it and dropped off the keys with the manager before meeting Lena and Jesus in the car.

Driving away Jude felt like he had failed at something very important and he didn’t know what to do now. His book agent wanted him to go on a book tour so he supposed he should do that because he had already been told by Stef that his preference of lying in bed with the blinds drawn and a blanket over his head was not an option. Lena had already warned him that if he didn’t do something productive she would have him helping teach at Anchor Beach and the idea of having to teach writing to high school students was a serious motivator for him to do anything else!

Later that night Jude came downstairs and saw his moms watching the TV. Lena looked up at him with a smile “Hey baby” she said.

“Jude” Stef looks guilty and Jude notices that they are watching the Padres game that had just started. He sighs and he starts to tear up causing both of them to grab him in a hug. Stef offers to turn off the game but Jude tells her it’s okay because he knows how excited she is about the team's chances this year. He tries to smile but every time they show the Diamondbacks at bat Jude sees Connor and he is crying almost continuously by the second inning.

He makes it to fifth inning before giving up and heading to his bed. If he had been paying closer attention he would have realized that Connor had one of the worst games of the season making mistakes both as catcher and at bat. Something Stef definitely noticed though she didn’t say anything about it.


	14. Chapter 14

Connor came in from the field to the locker room barely able to see he is so mad. He completely sucked tonight! His at bats were horrible and he made several errors that could have been critical if it hadn’t been for the rest of the team being so on point. They had won the game and everyone was excited but it was no thanks to him.

Reaching his locker he grabbed his phone and checked…still no messages. He sat down on the bench in front of his stall and sighed. He needed to hear his voice, even if he hung up on him so Connor dialed the number and listened. After the fifth ring it went to voicemail and Connor heard Jude’s voice sounding so easy and carefree on the message.

Hanging up he tossed the phone back in his stall. “Con?” Steve said sounding concerned.

Connor looked over at Steve who was looking at him with a worried expression. “Yeah?” Connor put on his ‘PR smile’ as he tried to look nonchalant. 

“No answer?” Steve looked at him knowingly. Connor glanced around but the rest of the team was across the room all yelling at their victory and congratulating Martinez who had had an amazing game.

“No, he probably just went to sleep early. Sleeps like the dead” Connor says trying to be funny.

Steve nods in agreement. Connor takes a quick shower and avoids the press which is easy because they are all looking for the players who actually did a good job tonight.

 

Connor wakes up the next morning and heads back to the clubhouse to see if he can get some extra practice time in before the others arrive. He arrives at 7am and is focused, headphones in, when a hand touches his shoulder causing him to jump. Turning around he sees the GM standing there looking at Connor.

“Sir?” Connor asks pulling his headphones out.

“When did you get here Stevens?” he asks without preamble.

Connor’s face hardens. “Seven” he replies sullenly. 

“Right” he says shaking his head. “Stevens you have been here early and staying late every day for the last week.”

“I want to win” Connor says trying to sound determined.

“Son, you are driving yourself into the ground. Yes you’ve got to work hard, but you have to give yourself time to rest and recover too. You have been here five hours already without a break I bet” he looks at Connor knowingly. “You are off the next two days” he adds.

“We have a game in three days!” Connor protests.

“You might be surprised to learn that I am actually aware of that. You are not to be here till Thursday and that’s final. Stevens” he looks at Connor with a sad expression. “Deal with this, whatever it is. Spend time with family and friends. Go to the beach. Relax! You are wound tighter than a spring and it’s messing up your game.” He walks off and Connor growls.

He returns to the locker room to change. He thought about trying to slip into someplace out of the GM’s sight but Connor can tell the word is out and the entire staff is watching him. He grabs his stuff and heads home to shower.

* * *

 

To put it bluntly? The next two days suck ass. Connor had walked in to his apartment and looked around and wondered what he was supposed to do now. He had even been warned by the trainer to stay out of the building’s gym as well. He was supposed to rest and relax but for the last few weeks all he had done was practice, work out, and do that PR stuff for Tanisha and he wasn’t doing any of that.

Walking around his apartment he realized how sterile it looked. There were no pictures anywhere, no sign of life, not like it was at their old place. That apartment was warm with color and photos and it said someone lived there. This place…didn’t.

Connor sighed and walked around and there wasn’t even any cleaning to do. The housekeeper had come this morning and the place was spotless. There was a fresh set of meals from the food delivery service in his refrigerator and his laundry had even been done and put away. Connor sighed. He liked that normally because it meant he didn’t have to think about it but now that he needed to do something, he resented it. 

He walked into the main room and looked at the TV and frowned. He hadn’t really been watching anything recently and the idea of curling up with Netflix made him physically ill. That had been something that he and Jude had always done together. Connor went to his computer and pulled up his email but after deleting all the spam…he had three messages and all of them were worthless.

He sighed and looked at his phone wondering if Jude would reply if he tried but he knew he wouldn’t. Jude hadn’t responded in the three weeks he had been gone and there was no reason for Connor to believe anything would be different. Being honest with himself he knew that all Jude had to do was ask “Has anything changed?” and Connor knew he couldn’t say yes. He wanted to say that he would try harder, that he would make it work, but ever since Connor had moved out, their relationship had crumbled.

Connor felt a vibration from his phone and he grabbed it, hope flaring up in his chest only to crash as he saw the name Aubrey. Who was Aubrey? Connor didn’t know anyone by that name but she was obviously in his contact list so he pushed accept.

“Mr. Stevens?” the female voice said happily.

“Yes” Connor dragged his answer out slowly. 

“This is Aubrey Johanson with Pacific Star Reality. I know that this is a busy time for you but I wanted to let you know that a property has come available that meets all of the items on your wishlist” she said sounding excited. “I think it might be perfect for you” she tells him.

Connor blinks. Now he remembers Aubrey. She had taken Connor, Jude, Steve and Cheryl around several months ago looking at places and he had even sent her his wish list and they had talked a couple of times about it before he moved to the apartment.

“Right, Aubrey. Sorry, I rented an apartment so I’m not really looking anymore” he said sadly.

“Connor, you Need to see this place. If you don’t you will be kicking yourself! I got permission to show it to you today or tomorrow if you would like” Aubrey told him.

Connor looked around the apartment and realized he had nothing better to do. “Okay. When’s the earliest we can go?” he asked.

“Two hours?” Aubrey offered and Connor agreed. She texted him the address and agreed to meet him there.

* * *

 

Connor drove toward the water and had to admit that he liked the houses he was seeing. All of a sudden he turned down a road with older homes that were all amazing with great yards and appearance. Stopping at the gate of the house he looked over and saw Aubrey standing by her car.

She walked up smiling and pointed to the Spanish style home. “Amazing, right?” she says with a smile. “Five bedrooms, five and a half bathrooms, huge kitchen, the yard has a pool and a deck that looks over the sea wall to the ocean. 5,000 square feet with a four car garage and the security gate as you can see” she says as she enters the code. The gate opens and they walk up to the front door. 

Walking into the house Connor is shocked. It looks amazing. Jude had wanted lots of open space for a place since he was used to his big family. He also loved all the craziness of everyone being together. They walked into the kitchen and Connor whistled. The cabinets were a rich mahogany color with green marble countertops, a huge island, and the largest refrigerator and freezer he had ever seen. It was open and airy and the window over the sink looked out over the Pacific Ocean. The yard went down to a wall along the edge of the water that was about ten feet straight down. There was no beach, but the view was amazing.

“And this door leads to the wine cellar” Aubrey open the door with a stair case they go down and see the racks for wine there. “It’s climate controlled to make sure everything is good” she smiles.

They walk around the house and Connor has to admit that Aubrey was right. This house is amazing. There is an office that Jude would die for with bookshelves from floor to ceiling and lots of windows. The bedrooms are amazing with each one having its own bathroom and walk in closet. The master bedroom is huge and amazing with its own balcony looking over the ocean. There is a home gym and a home theater as well and Connor pulls up his wish list on his phone and scrolls through it. Every item they wanted was here.

Connor sighed as he walked around. It had everything but Jude. “Now here’s the situation” Aubrey said with a smile. “My firm was asked to sell it by the owner who is moving to New York, they are actually already there, and wants to sell and sell fast. They are trying to buy in New York and need the money from this sale. I told them that I had a client who I thought would love it and they agreed to give you first look. They are asking $6.5 million which is a good price for this neighborhood” she says as she pulls out a number of papers showing other houses that recently sold. She went over all the details and Connor had to admit that it was a good deal. 

Connor asked for some time by himself. Aubrey stepped outside to make some calls as he walked around the house and tried to imagine himself living here alone. He hated that thought but he might not have a choice. Looking around he liked everything Jude had wanted in a house so it’s not like he wanted something Connor hated, he just loved some things and Connor wanted to be able to give it to him after everything they had been through.

Walking out on the balcony he stood there looking at ocean. The only thing they had mentioned was having beach access but to be honest, he would prefer the privacy to everyone being in his back yard like some houses he had seen.

“Is there any question I can answer for you?” Aubrey asked carefully as she walked out on the patio.

“No” Connor said. “I need to think about it for a bit” he told her and she smiled as they left. Getting back in his car he drove home but diverted and suddenly found himself parked on the street in front of his old house. Looking at the house he laughed to himself about the difference. 

Connor drove home and he might have driven by Jude’s apartment on the way, but since he didn’t see any lights on, he didn't go up though he might have waited for a few minutes just to be certain. He walked in to his apartment, grabbed his dinner, and turned on ESPN and tried to figure out what he should do. He looked at the paperwork Aubrey had given him as well as the pictures he had taken with his phone. 

The next morning he called Aubrey and told her he wanted the house. He went by her office shortly after lunch to do the paperwork and Aubrey was very excited. Connor smiled as he headed back to his apartment knowing he wouldn’t be there for much longer.

* * *

 

Aubrey had managed to get him another visit at the house and he was feeling better about things. He had walked around it visualizing how he wanted it to look when he realized two things: he wanted this to be his long term home, a place to live for the foreseeable future and, more importantly, that he wanted Jude here.

Connor drove by the apartment both days he was off but the lights were still off. He wondered if Jude was on one of his trips he sometimes did for his writing. Connor hadn’t got out of his car and ended up back at his apartment and tried to distract himself by figuring out what to keep and what he was going to get rid of for the new place.

* * *

 

Returning the clubhouse after his “vacation” Connor walked in to shouts of welcome. He is actually surprised by the reactions from everyone on the team and the organization. He had been really focused for the last few months and he only now realized that he was basically ignoring everyone and everything that wasn’t playing, working out, or endorsements. Smiling at the guys, he knew he needed a change.

While the two days off was good for him physically, it wasn’t good mentally. Connor had spent a lot of time alone thinking about Jude and he couldn’t shake the loneliness he had realized had become his life. He had another horrible performance at their next game. Bad enough that the coaches pulled him aside on the way back inside to check on him, Connor knew from the looks of the other players that they knew he was off his game. Connor assures them that he is okay and then he slumps in to the locker room to a very different atmosphere than last time.

This time they had lost the game and Connor knew that if he been at his best, they would have won. The guys were quiet and everyone was sulking a bit when Mike yelled for attention. He reminded them that they were a team and when they lost, they lost as a team. He gave a really inspirational talk and it amazed Connor how quickly he turned things around for everyone. Mike led several of the senior players to talk to the press and sent Steve to keep them from Connor.

Connor was staring at his phone wondering if Jude had watched the game. “Are you going to call him?” Steve asked quietly.

Connor looked up in surprise. “What? No, it’s late” he says quickly.

“Connor it’s 10 o’clock” Steve says disbelievingly.

“Jude’s probably traveling” Connor says in a rush and turns around to his locker stall.

“Probably?” Steve’s voice is gentle and Connor freezes. “Connor…when did you last talk with him?” he steps a bit closer and Steve sees Connor’s hand shaking.

“Con? What’s going on?” Steve says softly.

Connor looks over at his old friend and Steve’s expression changes from concerned to sorrowful. “Oh man” Steve’s voice is full of sympathy and Connor isn’t sure he can take it. Steve looks around the locker room nervously. “Okay, we are getting out of here fast bro.” Steve takes quick control and moves Connor from the showers to change in record time and then goes out of the stadium through one of the back exits that Connor doesn’t recognize.

Coming out at a loading dock, Connor sees Cheryl sitting in Steve’s car by the dock and Steve hustles them both into the car and tells Cheryl to get them out of there. Cheryl had taken one look at Connor and, face grim, didn’t question the new pick up location that Steve texted her about or talk on the drive. They got to Steve’s place and she left them in the living room to talk.

“Okay Stevens. Obviously something happened. Talk” he ordered in a kind voice.

The words finally burst free from Connor and so did all the emotions that he was holding inside. He told Steve everything from the beginning. Meeting Jude. Living together. Getting into the majors and having to hide their relationship. The increase in endorsement deals and all the demands on his time. All the way up to the incident with the papps and Connor moving out. He finally admitted to all the problems with them being apart and not talking and how Jude had asked him finally to leave.

Through it all, Steve listened and was just there for his friend. He had gotten him a beer that had led to the two of them going through almost two six packs of a microbrew that Steve had on hand. Connor started getting angry as he talked about everything that had happened. He complained that he thought Jude had understood about why they couldn’t be public. They had talked about how important it was to stay hidden and how this was setting them up for life after baseball. He didn’t get why Jude couldn’t see that.

“Connor” Steve says slowly “I know I don’t know everything, but man…you are a fucking idiot” he says finally.

“What?” Connor looks up at him in shock.

“Man, I know that you have always loved playing baseball. You smiled all the time! When you were practicing, working out, even after a grueling game, you never stopped smiling. It was like you were so happy just to be playing” Steve said sadly. “But man, I haven’t seen you smile, not for real, in months.” Steve shook his head at Connor. “You have the fame and money now…so, are you finally happy?”

Connor looked at Steve and got mad. What the hell! He was supposed to understand. “Dammit Steve!” Connor yelled and stood up a bit too quick as he swayed from the effects of the beer. “I have worked too hard to mess things up now!”

“Worked too hard to do what Connor?” Steve asked. “Media events? Endorsement deals? Going home to an empty place?” Each word hurt Connor as he friend looked at him and shook his head. “Tell me the truth Con, you have it all now. Are you happy?” he pushes.

“I don’t have it all you ass” Connor yells at him. “I told you Jude is gone.”

Steve looks at him sadly. “You mean the guy that didn’t care if you were famous? The guy who bought you clothes when you apartment was destroyed. They guy who sat home alone while you were wined and dined by all the famous people waiting for five minutes of your time? The guy you forgot to talk to for over three weeks! That guy? The one you treated like dirt and expected him to be happy about it? And I’m the ass?” Steve’s words cut deep and Connor swallowed painfully.

“But we agreed…” Connor tried to explain, weakly.

“You think that he agreed to be treated like he was a dirty secret that you were ashamed of?” Steve stabbed him in the heart with that question.

Connor closed his eyes and swallowed the lump in his throat.

“Connor…” Steve’s voice was suddenly kind. Connor looked at him through tear full eyes. “If I said to choose right now what you want: money and baseball or a life with Jude…” he trailed off.

Connor looked down and realized that the answer wasn’t what it once was. Ever since fifth grade it had been baseball. He had spent all of his time being pushed by his dad to be better, stronger, more. He had truly loved playing and it had been everything, but now it seemed like something bitter in his mouth. 

“Love or money is the question” Steve says softly. “What do you want?”

Connor straightens up and looks committed. He knows. But then his stomach plummets. "What if it’s too late? What if I’ve already lost him?” he whispers. 

“You won’t know till you actually fight for him Connor. You need to tell him what you are feeling and thinking and what he means to you” Steve sighs. “Problem is that you have only told me your side and bro, you don’t sound good hearing that. You probably forgot a bunch of stuff too. You need to go talk to him and not take no for an answer. He may not take you back” Steve says sadly “but he should at least hear you out.”

“When? We have to leave tomorrow night to go to New York and will be travelling for almost two weeks” Connor complains.

“Yeah” Steve agrees “but then we have nearly a week off so wait till you can talk for as long as you need.”

* * *

 

Connor agrees and they go on their road trip. They are gone four days, back for two days for a game before heading out for another six days. Having a plan seems to help as Connor is doing much better on the field. They also are getting several days to recover before their next game so Connor gets up and heads over to the apartment after morning workout and lunch.

He parks in his old lot and walks up to their old place, Connor’s heart pounding. He realizes his hands are sweating and he is more nervous that he ever has been before a game. Bracing himself, Connor remembers all the thoughts he wrote down each night while traveling. Once he had made the decision to talk to Jude he had felt better and his performance on the field had shown it, much to the relief of his fellow players and the coaching staff. Knowing that he is finally going to be able to do something has taken a lot of the stress away and allowed him to concentrate and the GM even comments that he seems to have gotten out of his "slump". Finally they get back home and Connor won't have to travel again for at least three weeks.

Walking up to the building he knows if Tanisha knew where he was she would freak out. Here he was, walking up to his boyfriend’s (ex-boyfriend?) apartment in broad daylight but he didn’t care anymore. Stepping off the elevator, Connor steeled his shoulders and walked down the hallway. Stopping in front of the door he shook himself and knocked. Connor stepped back and made sure that he would be able to be seen through the peephole.

After a few moments Connor stepped up again and knocked harder this time. He tried to listen at the door but he didn’t hear anything. He didn’t remember seeing Jude’s car in the lot, but that wasn’t going to stop him. Connor pounded heavily on the door. “JUDE” he yelled.

Connor heard the door behind him open and he turned to see Mrs. Aksenchuk standing there looking concerned. “Hello Mrs. Aksenchuk” he said with a smile.

“Connor?” the elderly Russian lady said, a smile lighting her once suspicious face. “I haven’t see you in months! My famous baseball boy” she said happily opening her arms.

Connor smiled and moved in to hug the sweet woman who was so good to him and Jude. After stepping back he smiled at her and saw her suddenly frown. “Come in, come in!” she gestured and he followed her into her apartment to sit at her table. She got him some tea and a plate of Pastila, a pressed fruit pastry. Sitting down she smiled at Connor. “It’s so good to see you, but why are you here?” she asked directly. 

Connor laughed. Mrs. Aksenchuk was never one to beat around the bush. “I need to talk to Jude” Connor told her and saw her face fall. “Do you know where he is?” he asked carefully.

She sighed and shook her head. “не мой мальчик” she says sadly. Connor starts to frown when she continues “not since he moved out.”

Connor freezes and looks at her in surprise. “What?”

“Jude…he moved out over a month ago. Packed up, gave keys to the manager, Thomas, and left. His mamas and brother came to move him” she said resting her hand on top of Connor’s, the sympathy clear in her face.

“Did…did he say where he was going?” Connor asked slowly.

“No” she shook her head and stood up. Walking over to her desk she picked up and envelope and walked back to the table. “But he left this for you if you came back” she handed it to him.

Connor took the plain white envelope with his name written on it in Jude’s handwriting. Jude always had nice handwriting Connor thought idly. Mrs. Aksenchuk sat down and smiled at him kindly. Connor thanked her, put the envelope away and went to see Thomas.

Thomas let him in and he saw the empty place and felt his stomach twist into a knot. It looked like something totally different. He barely recognized it. Thanking Thomas he left for his apartment and waited till he was sitting on his couch, the door locked to pull out the letter.

Connor stared it for a while, he wasn’t sure for how long when he finally opened it.

 

 

_Dear Connor,  
I don’t know if you are going to ever read this, but I think you probably will. Mrs. Aksenchuk said she would watch out for you when I told her I was leaving. She was always so kind to us. Did you know she knew about us? She asked me about you after you moved out and that’s when I knew she knew. She said it was better here in America where it was okay and that she liked us._

_Sorry, I guess that isn’t what you want to hear. You want to know why I left and where I went. At least a part of me hopes that you want to know that. I left because it was too hard to stay. Every day was painful as I kept expecting to see you when I went into a room and your absence was physically painful. I finally told my moms what happened._

_I guess I should be grateful that they didn’t say ‘I told you so’ when they found out. They warned me that this might happen when we started dating, but I didn’t care. I thought it wouldn’t matter to me that you were not able to be honest about me. And I tried Connor. I really did, I promise you. I tried not to be angry being left alone while you were doing what you loved. I know how much you gave up to get where you finally are and I wouldn’t take that from you._

_It felt like our relationship was being slowly cut to pieces and each week brought a new and painful slice. I think that when you moved out, after you and Tanisha had promised that we would never have to do that, that was when I knew. That we couldn't make it. Your reputation and baseball would always need to come first. And if I am being fair, you had warned me of that, so I can’t honestly blame you for making those choices. I think I had just managed to convinced myself that I could handle it, or maybe that you didn’t really mean what you were saying._

_I knew from the first time we saw Tanisha, the way she looked at me, that I was going to be the problem in your life. She knew that us being together would hurt you, that it would hurt your chances to get everything you wanted and worked so hard to get. I think that maybe that was why I always felt so uncomfortable around her and I think that I saw her as a threat. She was a reminder of what was always going to happen to us and I resented that. She warned us that being together would hurt you and she was trying to protect that part of you that I couldn't share. She always wanted more for you and she fought to help you get there._

_Connor, I love you. I think I have almost since that night we met. But I just can’t do this anymore. I have told you about growing up in the foster system and how hard it was for me to find my family and to feel safe there. I need that Connor. I need someplace where i can feel safe and loved. I need for my family to be there for me and I have accepted that you can’t do that right now and I am not blaming you, I promise. But I deserve to have that even if means I can’t have you._

_Please don’t look for me, I need to get over you and I know that you will be hard to get over. I wish for you to be happy Connor. I hope that you can find whatever will make you happy because you do deserve to be happy. Maybe this is what we both need._

_Love, Jude_

 

 

Connor was crying before he got to the end as he read the words that burned his heart and soul. Connor could see the pain and despondency that accompanied those words. He knew Jude and knew that he was trying to be strong, to sound like he was okay with this, but was hurting and hurting bad. He reread the letter several times and put it down and thought back. He had always scoffed when Jude had said Tanisha didn’t like him because he was certain that she was on his side. 

But now, he looked at it from where Jude was seeing it. Her comments and digs, how she treated Jude either ignoring him or just short of hostile. Connor had always figured it was just how agents were. That the partner or spouse was not their client but talking with the guys during the last road trip he had his eyes opened. 

Mark talked about how his agent came to his house with his wife and was beyond polite and was even friendly with his wife and kids. Steve’s agent had made efforts to invite Cheryl to things even when Steve couldn’t go. Phil and Hector both had the same agent and she had asked about their girlfriends and what they wanted them included on and how she could talk with them about what being a girlfriend would be like.

Chris’ agent had become friends with his dad and while he never did anything inappropriate, Chris was sure that if it came down to a choice, Carl would pick his dad over him.

The fact of it was that all of their agents cared about them, not just as players but as people. Mark’s agent even refused a number of endorsements not because they weren’t good, but it was too much for his schedule to handle. Some were lost while others were willing to reschedule to a more convenient time. The point? Agents worked for the player, not the other way around.

Connor stood up and grabbed his keys. Things were going to change…now!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> не мой мальчик = No my boy
> 
> Google Translate!


	15. Chapter 15

Connor parked his car in the parking garage and turned off the engine and sat there for a minute. He looked at his reflection in the mirror and tried to steel himself for this meeting. Sitting there he thought back to his senior year in high school.

* * *

 

**FLASHBACK TO SENIOR YEAR**

Connor smiled as the rest of the team piled into him as everyone celebrated their win. Not only had they won the state championship, but Connor had been named MVP. This had been an amazing year for him with baseball and he had already been talking to several college coaches who were trying to convince him to sign with them.

“Connor Stevens?” a crisp woman’s voice said from behind him. Turning around Connor saw a professional woman, dressed smartly, in her early thirties, standing there smiling at him. Connor didn’t recognize her but he smiled anyway.

“Yes ma’am?” he said politely.

“My name’s Tanisha Jones” the woman said with a bright smile. “I am very impressed by what I saw today and at your last several games.”

Connor smiled. “Thanks! You have seen several games?” he asked her.

“Yes…and quite a bit of tape of your games. I am an agent with All Star Sports Agency and I would like to talk about your future” she told him.

The next few days Connor had met with her and his father as they talked about his future. He didn’t sign anything to keep his options open for playing at the college level, but Tanisha set up a meeting for him with the Padres team and they were definitely interested in him starting Single A immediately if he was interested. They explained to Connor how they worked with young players to bring them up to MLB level in a few years.

Connor had talked with his old coach more than his dad because he actually trusted Coach Riley’s opinion about it and after some serious thought, Connor decided to skip college and play professionally. The team told him that he would need an agent and he could either work with Tanisha or anyone since he hadn’t signed yet.

However Connor felt loyalty to her for all her help. She had gotten him the meetings that helped convince him without any guarantee that he would be a client and after looking in to things, All Star Sports was a pretty well-known agency. 

So Connor called her to make a formal meeting to talk about being his agent. It was just the two of them in her office and she had gone over how she would negotiate on his behalf, including trying to get him endorsement deals as he gained in popularity. She had just finished talking about social media training and scrubbing to make sure there was nothing on any of his accounts that would be embarrassing.

“Tanisha” Connor interrupted her in the middle of her examples of really bad tweets. 

“Yes?” Tanisha smiled reassuringly.

“There is something that you should probably know” he said not looking directly at her. He hadn’t only really talked to one other person about this before but after all of her comments about living in the public eye, he felt he had to. “I’m, well…that is, I mean to say” he took a deep breath, “I’m gay” he said looking at her.

Tanisha froze for a moment. “I see” she said sitting back. She looked at him carefully. “Connor…you know that there are no out MLB players?” she asked.

“I know and I’m not out” he said quickly. “I mean I’m not dating anyone or anything. Baseball has been pretty much everything for me and I want to play at the top level.”

Tanisha took a deep breath and looked a little more relaxed. “I’m not saying that there are no gay players Connor. In fact, I know of three for sure that are, but they are all in the closet. They avoid publicity and attention, and definitely are not public with their…situation” she warned him. “They take…steps to avoid issues.”

“I know that. I talked with one of our coaches in high school, not even Coach Riley, but one of the younger coaches. He is gay too and in the closet and he kind of guessed and when he offered to talk…well I just told him. He really helped me. We talked a lot.”

“Really?” Tanisha said looking a bit uncomfortable.

“Yeah” Connor hadn’t really paid attention at the time but looking back he remembered her reaction. “He and his boyfriend, they had been together since college, they talked about how hard it was to not be out, but that it was something that they needed to do. I get that if I want to play, I can’t be a distraction to a team” he said sadly.

“Well Connor, if you are prepared for how tough this will be, I think we can handle it. My priority is you and what you want to do. But I need to be honest with you so you can make a good choice. If you are looking to make some big statement and change the world kind of thing, then I’m probably not the agent for you” she told him.

“No, I don’t plan on that” he assured her.

“In that case, I think we can really do great things. I can help you be really successful in this industry Connor. I have to tell you that with your good looks and skill on the field, I think that you when you break through, we are going to be able to get you tons of endorsements and offers. I think I can really make something amazing here for you” she told him. “So?” she asked.

“Let’s do this!” Connor smiled.

He came back a few days later to sign his contract with the agency and the rest was history. Tanisha worked with him as he rose in the divisions, working from Single A to finally playing for the Padres. And she was right, the endorsement deals had poured in and what surprised Connor the most was the modeling offers. He had a waiting list of photographers who wanted to work with him and standing offers from several companies when his schedule opened up.

* * *

 

**BACK TO THE CAR**

Connor looked himself in the eyes in the mirror and felt something inside him start to build. He looked back at that day and saw how she was uncomfortable with him until he assured her that he didn’t want to ever be out so she wouldn’t have to deal with it. At the time he just thought that she was being brutally honest, and since he never intended to tell anyone, let alone the public, that he was gay, it wasn’t going to be a problem.

But once he met Jude everything was on a collision course for this Connor realized. When he walked out of high school he couldn’t have imagined feeling about another person like he did about Jude and he didn’t know what it was going to cost him to do so. Looking back he realized that while he didn’t know what this was going to be like for him he realized that Tanisha had known. She had known and he had been too naïve and dumb to realize it.

* * *

 

The doors of the elevator opened and Connor stepped out onto the floor and saw all the people running around. Walking forward he saw the faces of people looking up at him with smiles that suddenly fell away as they moved out of his way. He didn’t realize it but the people looking at him were freaking out. Connor Stevens was known by everyone as one of their top clients and one of the best things about working with him was his sunny disposition, ready smile, and kind words. He remembered your name and treated you like you mattered, not like a drone or peon, but like a real person. Working with the rich and famous had a tendency to make you jaded and the blonde baseball superstar was a ray of sunshine.

Today however he didn’t look like that. There was no smile on his face and it really looked unnatural. Combined with the angry look in his eyes, his face convinced everyone to get out of his way. Several people started to say something to him only to go silent and stop as Connor walked straight towards Jared who looks up with a smile that falls away from his face as he sees Connor’s determined face. He jumps up from his desk.

“Connor” he starts but then gulps “Mr. Stevens I mean. What can I do to help…” he gulps when Connor turns his glare on Jared.

“Tanisha” Connor growls and Jared’s eyes widen. 

“She is on a call if you want to have a seat...” Jared tries when Connor brushes past him and opens the door and sees Tanisha standing behind her desk, looking out her window on the city. She turns around, her earpiece lit up as she frowns at the interruption and then sees Connor standing there. 

“Ms. Jones, I am really sorry” Jared starts but clams up at the look from his boss.

“Bill, let me call you back in a few, k?” she says with an annoyed voice. She pulls out her earpiece. “Connor, this isn’t really a good time” she starts but Connor cuts her off.

He turns to Jared and snarls “Get out!” Jared pales and with a brief look at Tanisha, he scuttles out pulling the door closed behind him and breathing a sigh of relief that he escaped. Looking up he sees the faces of the other staff in the office who are all staring at him and Tanisha’s door. 

Jared deflates and moves toward his desk. This is going to be a really bad day he thinks. He opens his email and shoots a message to Denise, the senior partner's assistant that Connor Stevens was here and furious. He sat back and tried to figure out how to avoid the fallout

* * *

 

“Connor!” Tanisha looks at him in surprise at his tone toward Jared. Connor has always been overly nice to everyone. “What’s going on?”

“Jude left. He moved out of our apartment” Connor barely manages to get out. "He's gone."

Tanisha face goes totally neutral and Connor recognizes the face, that professional façade she puts on whenever the conversation turns to Jude or anything about Connor’s personal life. “I’m sorry, but I thought you had your own apartment now. Why does it matter if he moves?” she asks casually as she sits down.

Connor rolls his eyes, not missing that she didn’t use his name or how she implied that by moving out they weren’t together. “Where I live at any particular moment doesn’t change the fact that I am with ‘HIM’ or not” Connor contains a sudden feeling of glee at her flinch when he doesn’t say Jude’s name, showing her that he noticed her dig at Jude. “The fact was that you assured us that we wouldn’t have to split up and then you demanded it, but assured us that it wouldn’t really matter. That it wouldn't be too bad, just for appearances.”

“Connor” she said in a voice dripping with pity, like she was talking to a child who couldn’t possibly understand. "You have to understand..."

“Don’t even” he warned her, his voice deadly calm and causing her to look at him in shock. “You planned this, didn’t you? You maneuvered us every step, pushing Jude out of my life every chance you got” Connor accused.

“Connor, I think you are being a bit paranoid” she said standing back up and looking at him like he was an idiot.

“Really? Paranoid. So it was just a coincidence that you kept scheduling my evenings to keep me from spending time with Jude? Because for weeks, whenever I actually would have a night off, it was when Jude was busy, but that's just a coincidence right? It was just random chance that those nights that always seemed to be when he was busy with his career…it wasn't as if someone had his schedule and was deliberately working to limit any time that we could spend together. I guess it was just you trying to be helpful that Jared got Jude's work and travel schedule to, what did he call it, "to help avoid any problems", that's what he told Jude at the time. And let's not forget all the events that you wanted me to attend where I was expected to bring someone. Events that I couldn’t bring Jude to but lucky for me, you always had a line of women that were always ready for me to take if I wanted to” Connor was getting worked up.

“I was taking care of your career!” Tanisha said defensively.

“You didn’t want us together!” Connor shouted at her.

“I’m not the one who lied about things Connor, and you might do well to remember that” she shouted back, her mask slipping off. “You assured me that you understood what it would take to be successful at this level. You promised me that you were not coming out or trying to make some grand statement. I have had to work my butt off to cover up your... lifestyle” she was yelling but then she stopped at the sudden stunned look on Connor's face.

“My lifestyle?” he whispered at how her voice had dripped with disdain and disapproval.

Tanisha realized what she had said and how she had said it and suddenly looked nervous. “Don't get all dramatic Connor. You know what I meant. You wanted to play at the top level and I got you there” she told him trying to shift his focus.

“No Tanisha!” Connor said, his voice cold. “I got myself there. I worked my ass off to get there. You were there to collect the checks! I will admit you worked all the other shit, the crap I don’t care about, but don’t you ever think that you had ANYTHING to do with my success on the field. The only person who ever helped make me better on the field outside the team was Jude and you have screwed that up!” 

Tanisha looks at him, real concern on her face. “I realize that you are stressed with everything at this time of year Connor, but you need to calm down. This may be for the best” she tells him.

Connor feels a sudden sense of calm. “For the best?” he asks her.

“What you were doing wasn’t really fair to him Connor. Being forced to hide away, not be able to be out like he had been for years. You had to know what was happening” she sounded annoyed with him.

“I thought I was protecting him” he growled.

“You weren’t protecting him Connor, we were protecting you” Tanisha sneered. “We were protecting your career. We were protecting your popularity. We were protecting my invest…” she suddenly freezes and looks up at him.

“Your investment?” he finishes, his voice ice cold.

“Connor” her voice is small and she nervously comes around the desk reaching for his arm but he jerks away.

“That’s all I ever was to you wasn’t I?” his voice is low and filled with barely controlled emotion. “You never gave a damn about me, it was all about you getting as much money as could get as fast as you could before I ‘messed things up’ for you!” Connor’s voice was throbbing with emotion but he was proud that his eyes were clear. “I talked to others, people with agents that actually cared about them and every one of them told me that you were out of line, but I didn’t listen. No, I defended you. I mean you were willing to ‘dirty’ yourself with someone with my lifestyle, right? So I should be grateful huh?”

Tanisha looked panicked. This was getting out of hand. “Connor, you need to calm down and not do anything crazy…” she told him.

Connor laughed. A laugh without humor or joy or happiness. It was a laugh of pain and bitterness. “Crazy? You think I would do something crazy? You haven’t seen anything yet!” Connor snarled and turned around, opened the door and walked out of her office only to see the crowd of people there scrambling. They were trying to look like they weren’t all standing around listening to them argue. Connor briefly noticed Jared desperately trying to hide and two of the Agency’s senior partners walking toward them looking concerned.

“Connor” Tanisha said, her voice that sickly sweet voice she used around people she was attempting to manipulate.

“Oh by the way” he said turning back towards her so quickly she stepped back and closed her mouth on what she was going to say. “Here’s my first crazy thing” then he smiled at her, a smile of pure spite and malicious joy. “You’re fired” he said clear and loudly and felt a rush of satisfaction as her face looked astounded. He ignored the gasps he heard from Jared and several others. He turned around and saw Bill and Marcus, the senior partners, who had stopped and were looking at him and Tanisha. He looked at them and jerked his head “And just to be clear” he paused as they both turned and looked at him “I’m firing all of you.”

Connor turned walked into the now open elevator and smiled. The doors closed on the stunned faces of his former agents. Now he just had to find Jude. If Connor hadn't been so rattled and just used his head he would have known exactly where Jude was all this time. There was only one place he would go when he was hurt this badly!


	16. Chapter 16

Connor stopped the car and looked at the house from his spot on the road. He can’t believe he didn’t come here first. It has been a while since he had been to the Adams-Foster house, but he knew that Jude would come here when he was hurting. Looking at the driveway he saw Jude’s car sitting there and he felt his pulse start to race while his stomach clenched in pain.

He stood up and walked slowly toward the door, every step was harder than the last. Would Jude talk to him? Give him a chance? He couldn’t lose Jude, not now. He raised his hand and paused, what if Jude refused to forgive him? Connor swallowed nervously but knocked quickly before he could talk himself out of it.

Connor saw movement in the house and he braced himself and held his breath as the door knob turned and the door opened.

“Connor” Lena said looking at him with a sad expression.

“I need to see him” Connor said, his words rushing out. “Please” he begged her and he felt his heart clench at the look on her face.

“Connor…now’s not a good time” Lena started but Connor interrupted.

“Lena…please” his voice was raw with emotion.

Lena looked at the young man standing before her and felt pain in her heart at the look of suffering on his face. “Connor, I’m sorry” she said stepping out on the porch and closing the door behind her. “He doesn’t want to see you” she tells him and feels sick at the look of anguish on his face as his eyes glisten with unshed tears.

She and Stef had been dealing with a heartbroken son and while she wasn’t as angry as Stef at this young man, she admitted to feeling mad at how his actions had hurt Jude. And seeing him on TV being all cool, calm, and collected hadn’t helped either of them though they knew better than to speak against Connor to Jude in case things did ever get fixed between them. But this man standing on her porch was not the professional athlete in front of the press, this man was broken and suffering and she could see that what had happened wasn't as cut and dried as Jude had led them to believe. Connor did care and she could see his pain.

Connor’s shoulders were shaking as he looked devastated but he tried to regain control. “Can you…can you tell him I got his letter? And that I miss him…so much” Connor’s voice cracked as he spoke and Lena nodded. She remembered when Adam died and that Connor was all alone now, no family remained and without Jude he didn’t have someone and she ached to pull him into a hug to allow him to cry when the door opened and she saw Stef look at the two of them and her eyes narrowed.

“Connor?” her voice had an edge. Stef looked at Lena trying to figure out what was going on and Lena was trying to get her to go back inside and let her deal with this but Lena could see Stef shift to ‘mama bear’ mode and was not happy to see Connor and Connor saw it was well.

“I was just leaving” he turned and almost ran down the steps before looking back at the house and looking up at the windows wondering if Jude was watching. He walked to his truck, shoulders slumped and got in and saw the two women standing on the porch watching him. He drove home, finally letting the tears flow freely.

* * *

 

Lena shut the door behind her as she walked into the kitchen trying to ignore Stef’s grumbling, but she knew she would have only so long before she started. Luckily Jude had been upstairs taking a nap so he hadn’t had to see Connor, but after seeing the other man, Lena started to seriously question Jude’s version of the situation.

“I cannot believe he just showed up” Stef finally said.

“Why not?” Lena asked casually. “Connor and Jude have been together for a long time Stef. Jude asked him to leave their apartment and then refused to talk to him and moved out. Connor wants answers, that’s understandable” she said trying to sound reasonable.

“Are you taking his side” Stef looked astounded. “Haven’t you seen how devastated Jude has been? He put his image ahead of Jude, how can you support that?” 

“Stef we don’t know everything. You saw Connor, he was hurting. And you have seen them when they have been together. You know how much they care about each other” Lena said trying to remain calm. 

“Connor has been lying about who he is” Stef said, frustration clear in her voice. “Do you remember when I first asked you out and you refused to consider it until I came out?” 

“No, I do remember that honey” Lena said laying a hand on Stef’s to try and calm her down. “I also remember both of us talking to Jude about Connor not being out. You tried several times to talk him out of dating Connor because of that. And what did Jude tell you?” Lena’s eyebrow arched as she looked Stef in the eye.

Stef looked uncomfortable under her wife’s gaze. “He said they had talked about it and understood it would be hard but that is was necessary.” Stef was not happy having to admit that to Lena. “But it obviously got too much, like we were worried about!”

“I agree” Lena nodded. “Lying got too much for Jude. Having to be a secret caused them problems, but Stef, have you heard Jude saying that he talked to Connor about it?” she asked.

“What do you mean?” Stef asked confused.

“When we asked them about it at the beginning they told us that they had talked it all out and had communicated carefully. But Jude hasn’t said that is what happened in this situation. I’m afraid that Jude was hurt by the lying and Connor’s situation, but I am not sure he talked to Connor about it. Did he tell Connor what he was feeling and how it was hurting him?”

Stef looked at her wife not sure what to say. Lena had a point, in the very little that they have gotten out of Jude about the situation, he had not indicated that the two of them had actually talked about things and what exactly had caused this to be a problem. It was all about the distance between them that had developed and how Jude felt Connor’s career was now more important than their relationship. “Does it matter though?” she asks after thinking for a moment. “Nothing has changed” she says sadly.

“We don’t know that Stef” Lena says gently. “I told you no when you first asked me out because I couldn’t put myself in that position again, I wasn't going to date someone in the closet. But by telling you that, you had the choice to come out and be honest with your family and friends, which you did. Connor might have been just as willing now or he might not, but it doesn’t seem that Jude gave him the chance” she sighed heavily.

“So what do we do?” Stef sat down feeling defeated.

“We support and love him. But we don’t enable him either. Maybe we need to ask him the hard questions to make him think, even if he won’t speak to us” Lena says tentatively.

“That’s going to be tough” Stef sighs but agrees. “There is a Padres game tonight” her eyes narrow as she looks at Lena “and I think Jude should watch it with us” Stef smiles a bit. Maybe seeing Connor on TV will be enough to get Jude to talk or at least to think.

* * *

 

Connor parks at the stadium after driving around for almost two hours. He finally managed to get everything he has been feeling back under control so he can make it through tonight’s game. He has had to learn how to box his feelings away in order to be able to function and he is getting tired of it. It used to be that he loved playing, stepping onto the grass caused the world to fade away and he was able to exist in the moment. The bat, the ball, the bases…it was Connor’s temple, the place where he could just be without having to think about anything but baseball. But walking into the locker room didn’t feel like it used to. Now it was the weight on his back was worse than ever.

“Stevens?” Steve’s voice breaks through his fog and he looks at his friend who suddenly looks shocked. 

Steve grabs his arm and pulls him out of the locker room and across the hall to one of the empty meeting rooms. “What the hell bro? You look like hell!” he asks, concern clear in his voice.

“It’s nothing” Connor tries to argue but Steve cuts him off.

“Bullshit Connor. You may have been able to separate yourself from this, but man you look like your world just ended” he says worriedly.

Connor wants to hold it in, to keep his walls up, but it all bursts through. He tells Steve everything. What he learned about Tanisha, her maneuvering of their relationship, and how he had let it all happen. Once he realized it, how he fired her, discovering that Jude moving out of their apartment, how he bought a house for the two for the two of them, the letter Jude left, Connor trying to see Jude at his moms’ house and being turned away. He knows he is all over the place, but he can't help it. He breaks down and is trembling when Steve pulls him into a reassuring hug.

After a few minutes Connor has regained enough of his composure that Steve lets him go but not very far, keeping his arm flung across Connor’s shoulders. “Feel better getting all of that out?” Steve asks gently. Connor nods and wipes his arm across his eyes.

“Okay” Steve takes a deep breath. “First…good for getting rid of your agent. Never liked her. Always seemed shifty to me, which I guess a lot of agents are but you deserve one who treats you like a person, not a thing. You are a great guy Connor but you put up with that way too long” he smiles at Connor’s look of surprise. “Second…you have called and texted and made one visit to see Jude. So is that it? Are you giving up on him?” Steve asked.

“What else can I do?” Connor’s voice was whiney even to himself but he couldn’t help it.

“Fight for him” Steve said slapping his back. “You don’t give up on him Connor. If you love him, then don’t let him get away! You have to decide if he’s worth fighting for.”

Connor feels himself getting worked up and excited. Yes! He can fight for Jude. He will fight for Jude! They have gone through too much, been too important to each other to just let it all slip away. He stands up, fist clenched, he is going to go back every day if he has to until Jude talks to him. But then he pauses and all of that determination and grit just melts away and he sits back down.

“Stevens?” Steve asks confused by Connor’s sudden change.

Connor just shakes his head. “I love him Steve, god I love him so much, but Tanisha was right about one thing. I pushed him into the closet. I made him hide who he is to be with me. If I can’t come out, trying to keep him lying about himself and us, I’m just being selfish to fight for him.”

Steve sees the fight go out of his friend and he takes a deep breath. “Then come out” he says simply.

Connor looks at Steve in shock. No MLB player has come out while playing. He wants to, he really does, but deep down…he’s scared. He can still remember the hateful words his dad used to use when he was too drunk to keep it inside. He knows that fans can be ruthless and there are more than a few that would target him and, more importantly, Jude for hate, abuse, and even violence. Being known as Connor’s boyfriend would bury Jude’s own career and work in all the crap his coming out would generate.

Connor shakes his head. If he really loves Jude, he needs to let him go. To let him be free to find someone who deserves his love, something Connor has always worried that he never did. Taking a deep breath he puts his feelings, anger, sadness, and pain back in the box in his heart he keeps his emotions in and leads Steve back to the locker room. He has a game today and he needs to put away his hopeless dreams and wants. Jude is more than he deserves. Long ago he made the choice that playing ball was more important than anything else and now he had to live with that choice.

* * *

 

“Stevens!” the voice of the manager is loud and jarring and Connor looks up uncertainly.

“Yeah?” he answers.

“Gonzalez is out with an injury and we are going to start Masterson as catcher today. Trying to get him some experience on the field” he tells Connor who nods. Connor has been starting catcher for a while but had been working with Gonzalez on learning to play first base. Management wanted to build up their depth in case of injuries and Connor had been working with Masterson for several weeks now so it not a total surprise. He was expecting to be relieved by the younger player during a game, but not at starting and why would the first baseman's injury affect this?

“Since you have been helping Gonzalez, we are going to start you at first base instead” Mark smiles at the blonde’s look of shock. “Hey, I warned you I wanted everyone to be more flexible” he laughed as he walked out towards the dugout.

Tony Masterson and Steve both came up to Connor and looked equally perplexed. “You ready for this?” Connor asked Tony.

“As much as I can be” he laughed a bit. “I did play catcher for two years in college before moving to the outfield so I could focus on batting. How about you?”

“Well” Connor snorted. “In high school my coach had me playing every position at some point. I liked first base as much as catcher, but I was better at catching so I have been there most of the time. Did do half season at Single A at first base though. Guess that was why they had me with Gonzalez” Connor reasoned.

They all laughed and headed to the field. Connor was still sad and upset, but he knew how to leave all of his emotions off the field and focus. He had been doing it for a while now and while he didn’t have a plan or know what he was going to do, he had considered what Steve had said. Maybe he should fight for Jude, maybe he should come out. What if he lost it all? The money? He had enough to last right now. The fame? He never really cared about that. The endorsements? He wouldn’t really care but he wondered if some of them wouldn’t care or might even like it, especially some of the modeling. His team? That was where Connor got stuck. He didn’t want to have to give up playing baseball…he loved it. When things were great, baseball made it a thousand times better. When things were bad, baseball got him through it. How could he give it up?

* * *

 

The game was going well and the Padres started off strong taking a 4-2 in the first two innings and the announcers were talking about how management had mixed things up. The guys were going on about Masterson as catcher and Connor as shortstop and how they were performing. Jude was watching the game with his moms under protest. They had dragged him to the family room to watch with them and despite his attempt to refuse, Stef was adamant. She didn’t really give him a choice and if Jude was being honest, and he was only going to be honest in the privacy of his own head, he really did want to watch the game so that he could see Connor. He missed him so much it hurt but he knew that this was how it had to be.

The game was getting tense. The Giants had fought hard and had taken the lead briefly in the fourth inning before the Padres took it back in the sixth. It was now the seventh inning and the Giants were up at bat and their power hitter Brandon Belt was up to bat. He had been on fire all game and had already hit two home runs and Jude did not like the guy.

The first pitch was wide and the ref called ball. Masterson flashed the sign to Anderson and the next one went right over the plate for the strike accompanied by Stef’s yelling. On the third pitch Belt got a piece of it but it went into foul and he got his second ball. The pitcher was obviously tired, but so was Belt so it was anyone’s guess what would happen, the announcers were all over the place.

Anderson threw the ball and Jude watched as they shot shifted to a pull back view where they could see almost the entire infield and Belt caught the ball on his bat hard, but the angle was wrong. Jude watched as the ball flew straight from the bat towards first base, right along the line, moving low and fast and his heart clenched when he saw that Connor had glanced over to check the runner on second base for just a second, but it was the wrong second. Connor never saw the ball coming at him before it struck him in the head and suddenly Connor went down, hard.

Jude jumped up as Lena and Stef both gasped in shock. The announcers were trying to determine what was going on but Jude saw the manager and another guy, the medic maybe, running to Connor who was lying on the ground and he wasn’t moving at all. The other guy took a fast look at Connor before signaling and then an entire medical team was already moving out on the field to Connor's side as Jude’s breathing started accelerating and he felt his eyes watering. The camera lost sight of Connor with all the bodies around him but then Jude’s heart froze when he saw them putting him onto a stretcher come. They loaded up Connor after securing his neck and him to a board, and they carried him off the field but he still wasn’t moving, no hand signal that he was alright.

Jude heard the announcers saying that Connor was unresponsive and was being taken to be evaluated by the medical staff. The entire stands were deathly quiet as they carried Connor’s body off the field and Jude started choking. He felt his moms suddenly surround him, trying to assure him that Connor would be fine but Jude knew they were wrong. Connor was hurt and hurt badly and he might be lost forever.


	17. Chapter 17

Connor opened his eyes and blinked at the stark white he saw. Blinking he realized that he was looking at a ceiling and tried to refocus around him as he tried to figure out what was going on. The last thing he remembered was playing against the Giants. He looked around the stark room and realized that he was in a hospital room. He was lying in the bed, he saw the wires connected to his arm but when he started to turn his head he winced at the shooting pain in his head.

“Owww” he groaned.

“Mr. Stevens?” a soft voice asked from the side and Connor saw a middle aged woman in hospital scrubs step over to his side and look down at him in sympathy. She was looking at the machines he was hooked up to and was clinically evaluating him. “How are you feeling?” she asked.

Connor blinked and took a moment. “I have a killer headache and I can’t move my head without it getting worse” he said carefully. “Where am I and how did I get here?” he asked her.

The nurse(?) just smiled at him “What’s the last thing you remember?” she prodded instead of answering him.

He frowned. “I was playing baseball. We were playing the Giants.”

“Do you remember what inning it was? The score?” she asked gently.

Connor frowned but he couldn’t dredge up the information and just shook his head a bit before he winced at the pain.

“It’s okay, a little memory loss is perfectly normal after a head injury?” she assured him.

“Head injury?” he frowned.

“You got hit by a ball in the seventh” she told him with a sad smile.

“Did we win?” he asked after a moment while he tried to remember what had happened with no luck.

She laughed. “Yes we did. Barely, but the Padres pulled it out in the 11th inning. It was pretty tight for a while there” she told him. “We need to get our star player back in shape before the pennant” she smiled at him. A fan he smiled gently. “Dr. Kim will be in to talk with you, but so far everything is looking good. We gave you x-rays and they even did an MRI just to be certain but it looks like while you got a nasty knock and a concussion, you didn’t take any permanent damage.”

Connor sighed and was suddenly tired. He closed his eyes for what felt like a minute before he heard some movement and opened his eyes to see a short woman in scrubs and a doctor’s white coat standing at his side and looking at his machines. She noticed his open eyes and smiled. “How are we feeling Mr. Stevens?” she asked.

Connor tried to sense if anything was different and realized that his head was hurting a lot less. “Okay…I think. My head still hurts, but not as much” he told her.

Dr. Kim smiled and nodded. “Well, you have been out about twelve hours, so that’s good. What do you remember?” 

Connor recounted his conversation with the nurse last night that he remembered but he still didn’t remember the game at all. “Well, it’s not unusual to lose some short term memories. Do you remember before the game?” she asked him.

Connor frowned. He remembered trying to see Jude and Lena and Stef turning him away. He remembered talking with Steve and then being moved to first base for the game. He nods and tells her about the changed position and why.

“Very good. Your x-ray and MRI both looked good. You took a hard hit, but you should be fine in a bit. I talked with your team medical staff and I think two weeks without risking getting hit again and you should be fine” she assured him and he nodded.

“When can I go home?” he asked the doctor.

“Tomorrow” she tells him. “I want to keep you one more day just to be sure. Head wounds can be tricky so we will keep an eye on you to make certain you have no long term issues but I expect you will sleep or be bored” she smiled. “You have some visitors if you are feeling up to it?”

Connor frowned in thought but nodded his okay. Dr. Kim made some more notes and then left. A few minutes later his door opened and he saw Steve, Cheryl, and several of his teammates all smiling with balloons and flowers. He smiles as they all come in and start talking. Mike has snuck in some donuts from that place down from the stadium that they get when they want to cheat and Cheryl takes charge of finding a place for all of the flowers and gifts that they brought.

“By the way” Steve says seeing Connor shake his head at the flowers “the hospital has a ton of arrangements that haven’t been delivered yet.” He laughs at Connor’s surprised expression. “Apparently your fans have been calling places all morning. The duty nurse said they were waiting till you woke up to deliver them” he laughed.

Everyone stays for about a half hour before Cheryl starts chasing people out. The team doctor has called to say he had already been by last night and would be by later to check on Connor. Several of the coaching staff have sent word with the players and the rest of the team are taking turns to visit so not everyone is there at once.

Finally it is just Steve and Connor in the room. “Dude, you really scared me you know?” Steve tells him looking serious. “You went down hard when that ball hit and by the time I got there you were not moving and there was a lot of blood. You really freaked some people out. I am not sure when I have heard the stadium that quiet before” he tells Connor.

Connor nods and tries to shrug it off. “He called me” Steve says after a moment. Connor looks up with a disbelieving look. “I’m serious. I had a message when we got off the field and he sounded pretty bad. Wanted to know if you were okay and where you were.”

Connor looked at his friend for a few minutes before responding. “What did you tell him?”

“I told him what we were told by the coaches when we came in. Told him you were here and texted him your room number when we arrived” Steve said.

“Yeah, well, guess it doesn’t really matter?” Connor said sadly. He looked at the clock and saw that it was almost 10am already.

Steve frowned and then noticed he was hearing some voices yelling in the hallway. Connor hadn’t noticed but he thought that one was the duty nurse. He got up and opened the door to look out and he tried to hold back the smile as he saw the nurse arguing with a very agitated Jude Adams-Foster.

“I wouldn’t say that quite so quickly” he said looking over at Connor.

Connor looked at him and suddenly focused on the voices, now clear with the door open. He recognized Jude’s voice! “Jude” Connor’s voice was so full of emotion and need that Steve felt he was intruding.

“I’ll tell the nurse you want to see him?” he said as a question and held back the smirk as Connor quickly nodded his agreement.

Steve walked out to the desk and Jude and the nurse both looked up at him simultaneously. “Steve!” Jude’s voice was ragged and Steve could see his eyes were bloodshot and had dark shadows under them. He did not look good.

“Hi Jude” Steve nodded and walked up to the desk.

* * *

 

**APPROXIMATELY 12 HOURS AGO**

Jude tried to blink but he couldn’t close his eyes. He knew his moms were talking but the words weren’t making any sense. He was watching the TV as they played the scene over and over while the announcers talked about it. But Jude didn’t need the TV to replay that scene, it was burned into him. The ball being thrown, hitting the bat and driving straight for the blonde who had looked away for a moment. The way his body hit the ground and just laid there, unmoving. The other players surrounding him as the medical staff rushed the field. The sight of Connor’s body being lifted and carried off the field, still unmoving. The certainty that the man he loved, the one who had meant so much to Jude, had died. His moms kept saying that he must be okay, but Jude didn’t believe it. He had lost faith that the world was a good place anymore. Losing Connor seemed to fit the endless stream of shit that always happened to rip away his happiness.

“JUDE!” Stef yelled and grabbed him causing him to break his chain of thought to look at her.

“He’s going to be okay, they are taking him to the hospital” she said and he frowned as he tried to put meaning to her words.

“What?” he muttered.

“They said he was hit pretty hard, and they are sending him to the hospital to be checked out, but that he should recover” Lena explained what they had heard on the TV while Jude had been checked out.

“Which hospital?” Jude jumped up looking around the room. Where were his keys?

“Jude” Stef grabbed his arm and gave him a brief shake. “Jude!” she yelled again causing him to look at her. “We don’t know and they won’t let you see him” she said and he could see the pity in her face when he realized she was right and all the life and energy he had gained just drained away. He fell back onto the couch.

“Jude?” Lena said gently touching his arm “is there anyone you could call or ask? What about his agent?”

Jude shivered. He did not way to call Tanisha…ever. He didn’t trust her to tell him anything anyway. “Steve?” he muttered. His eyes widened. He could call Steve. Jude grabbed his phone and found Steve’s number and dialed it. He waited but Steve didn’t answer and the phone went to voicemail. “He won’t answer!” Jude yelled.

“Who? Who are you calling?” Stef asked him.

“Steve” Jude said, frustration clear in his voice. “He’s on the team with Connor.”

“Jude” Lena says gently “they are still playing.”

“What?” Jude asks and looks at his mama.

“The game is still going” she looks back at the TV and he sees that they are playing. Why are they playing if Connor is hurt? 

Lena looks at Stef and sees the concern there. Stef has seen shock before and recognizes that Jude is in shock and they need to take care of him. “Jude, Steve is still playing. Maybe you can text him to update you when they finish?” Stef suggests calmly.

He nods and starts texting Steve instead when Stef gets up and walks into the kitchen leaving Jude with Lena who is watching him carefully. Stef comes back with a glass with a dark amber liquid in it that she hands to Jude. “Here” she hands it to him.

He looks confused and sees Lena looking less than happy. He sniffs the glass and his eyes water with the smell. “What?” he asks.

“Whiskey” Stef answers and ignores Lena’s disapproving look. “Shoot it all at once” she tells him “that way it’s medicinal.” Lena frowns but Stef pretends she doesn’t notice as Jude looks confused for a moment before swallowing the full contents of the glass. He immediately starts coughing as soon as he can breathe from the burning sensation going down his throat. His eyes water and he is struggling for air.

“Better?” Stef says taking the glass.

Jude looks at her seriously considering that she has gone crazy but he also is feeling a warm numbness spreading from his stomach as he blinks and leans back. 

Lena watches him react to the liquor and looks over at Stef who is also watching Jude carefully. Jude closes his eyes and seems to be calming down. “Whiskey?” she whispers and sees a slight crinkle in Stef’s eyes.

“Sometimes it works in the short term” Stef whispers back. “Not a healthy or thoughtful choice, but sometimes it helps give you a minute to drown the panic.” She sees the unhappiness in Lena’s face but she knows that it can help. Stef has seen some bad things as a cop and while she doesn’t like it, the alcohol can give you numbness for a little while. It’s never the best choice, nor is it the best way to deal with things, but sometimes, sometimes it can help even a little. She sighs knowing she is just making excuses, but right now she also knows that Jude is a lot calmer than he was a few minutes ago.

Lena hears her phone ring and she grabs the phone and sees Mariana’s face. “Hey honey” she answers.

“Mom, I just saw the news on the game” Mariana’s voice sounds anxious. “Have you heard anything else about Connor?”

“No honey” Lena tells her. “Jude texted one of Connor’s teammates, but they are still playing.

“I’m coming over!” she tells her before hanging up before Lena can respond.

“Mariana’s coming over” Lena says to Stef’s questioning expression. Stef just nods. Knowing Mariana, Callie won’t be far behind. Both Jesus and Brandon are out of state at the moment so she knows that they are not able to come. Stef pulls out her phone and shoots a quick update to all of the kids so that they are in the loop.

* * *

 

Mariana arrived about an hour later with Callie in the car. She had picked up her sister and they both were determined to check on their youngest brother. They came in and tried to smother Jude in reassurances. The game had gone long and was now in the 10th inning and the score was still tied. Jude was quiet and fretting and it didn’t help that the TV kept showing the clip of Connor getting hit and saying that they had no new information.

They watched until the Padres finally pulled into a two run lead in the 11th and held on to finally beat the Giants. Jude began pacing with his phone the minute the team left the field waiting for Steve to respond to his texts and calls.

About an hour later he finally got a text from Steve that Connor had been taken to the hospital and the team said he had an MRI and x-rays but no results were available. He did say that Connor had briefly regained consciousness but had a pretty bad concussion and was under observation. They told the team that they could visit in the morning, not before and that once he got any additional information, he would notify Jude. 

It took another hour to finally get Jude to agree to at least try to go to bed, though he didn’t succeed for some time. Jude kept getting up to pace the room as he went through his memories of their time together and everything that they had done. He also remembered how Connor looked every time something good happened with the team and playing. 

* * *

 

**FLASHBACK TO CONNOR’S FIRST YEAR IN THE MAJORS**

“Jude!” Connor yelled as he came into the apartment.

“Working!” Jude yelled back as he continued typing. Jude was in the zone in his writing and didn’t want to break away. He suddenly gasped at the strong arms that came around from behind him pulling him into a bear hug.

“LOVE YOU!” Connor said with a laugh as he started nibbling on Jude’s neck.

Jude tried to shove him off while trying not to laugh as Connor’s hands tickled him. “What’s got you so worked up” he says giggling.

“Guess who is going to be starting catcher tomorrow?” he asked.

Jude was suitably impressed. He knew that Connor was excited to be called up but he thought for sure he would be as back up. Turned out that the current catcher had to get therapy for his knee so Connor would be taking on that role for a while depending on how it went. They had even gone out for dinner at a seafood shack to celebrate, something they were not able to do once he got famous.

* * *

 

**BACK TO REALITY**

They had celebrated and Jude remembers how alive Connor’s eyes were as he talked about playing and how excited he was. Jude yawned as the stress and pressure of the day was finally getting to him. He looked at his phone and saw the time, 4:02am, and he sighed. He knew it would be a while before Steve would be able to tell him anything and he wasn’t sure what he would even do. He closed his eyes and fell asleep.

* * *

 

When Jude woke up the first thing he noticed was how bright his room was. Struggling for his phone he checked the time and blinked in shock, 9:20am. He had slept almost seven hours!! Jumping up he looked and saw a text from Steve.

 _(8:07am)_ **Steve:** Got the call that MRI was clear. No major health issues or concerns. Will text you hospital info later.

 _(8:45am)_ **Steve:** Sharp Coronado Hospital. Rm 713

Jude headed downstairs to find his moms and sisters in the kitchen preparing lunch. “Why did you wake me?” he snapped. They all looked at him with expressions ranging from sympathy to annoyance.

“Because you were up so late you obviously needed the sleep” Lena told him firmly wishing he had slept more based on how his eyes and face looked. Whatever sleep Jude did manage to get hadn’t helped too much. Lena guessed that he was tossing and turning all night. “Mariana has been following all the updates and she has the broad details that Connor is at Sharp Coronado and that he is doing well. The Padres expect a full recovery after a short rest” she adds.

Jude sighed and sat down at the table as Callie brings him a glass of juice and squeezes his shoulder. “What do I do?” he asks tonelessly staring at the table.

Everyone is silent for a moment before Lena responds. “What do you want to do?” she asks.

Jude takes a deep breath and looks at her. “I want to see him” he says simply.

“To do what?” Callie asks gently. He looks over at her with a confused expression. “Jude you broke up with him, what are you planning to say or do?” she prods.

He sighs again. “Just because I broke up with doesn’t mean I don’t love him. I accepted that we can’t be together, not like we were. It’s too hard on both of us” he sniffs and his eyes blur with the tears he’s not shedding. “But I have to know he is okay before we…” he pauses for a moment. “And maybe I owe him a better goodbye than a letter” he finally says.

His family doesn’t say anything else but he can see the love and support in their eyes. He eats what they give him but he doesn’t taste anything. Finishing he heads upstairs to shower and change. Mariana and Callie offered to drive him to the hospital and he agreed.

* * *

 

Jude walks off the elevator on the seventh floor and sees the duty station with the nurse who looks up and frowns when she sees him. He notices a cart behind her filled with flowers and balloons, many of which say ‘get well soon’, and Jude wonders if they are for Connor. Walking up to the desk he takes a breath “I’m here to see Connor Stevens” he tells the lady.

She looks at him with a tired expression. “I’m sorry but I can’t confirm or deny whether or not Mr. Stevens is in this facility” she replies and Jude gets the feeling that she has had to give that speech quite a few times already today.

“He’s in room 713” Jude tells her and sees her eyes twitch in surprise though she does well to regain control. “Your name?” she asks.

Jude freezes for a moment. He knows that he won’t be on the list. No one on the team management knows about him but he wonders for a moment if maybe, just once, Tanisha thought about Connor’s wants and he tries. “Jude Adams-Foster” he answers.

The nurse looks down and opens a notebook and looks at a list of names but quickly shakes her head. “I’m sorry but I don’t have you on my list” she says looking back up.

“I know he is here and is room 713” Jude says, his voice straining to control his emotions.

“I’m sorry sir” the nurse says louder than before “but I can’t help you.”

Jude and the nurse start to argue and Jude is sure she is about to call security when he hears someone cough.

“Hi Jude” he looks over and sees Steve.

“Steve” Jude’s voice is thick with relief.

“He’s okay” Steve says to the lady. “I will take him back” he assures her and she nods, though she doesn’t look convinced.

Jude walks beside Steve without saying anything but he feels increasingly sick as they get closer to Connor’s room. Steve stops and turns back to Jude. “I will go ask if he wants to see you” he tells Jude and he winces at how Jude flinches and Steve can tell he is worried that Connor will say no. “I will also chase out anyone in there to give you two some privacy.”

Jude looks at Steve, his heart in his eyes. “My sister has been following the posts and I know you texted me, but…” his voice cracks.

Steve smiles reassuringly. “He’s going to be fine. No lasting damage other than a killer headache. He doesn’t remember much of the game but he remembers right up about the second inning. The docs said that was not unusual so he does remember everything that happened yesterday. Jude nods in understanding. His moms had told him about Connor stopping by when they made him watch the game and he had started to answer their questions about the break up but he had stopped when Connor got hurt.

Jude nodded as Steve walked into the room and he started pacing as soon as the door shut. He wondered what he would do if he said no when the door opened a few seconds later and Steve stepped out and nodded at Jude. “He said to go in” he smiled sadly and walked off, probably to catch up with Cheryl who Jude had seen in the waiting area.

Jude steeled himself and pushed the door open. He lost his breath as he caught sight of Connor lying in the hospital bed, a bandage on his head, wearing one of those terrible hospital gowns. Jude noticed several things as his eyes darted around the room. The flowers on the table beside Connor’s bed, the view out of his window was looking at a park with the water on the other side with lots of boats in the harbor past it, and he saw a bag he recognized as Connor’s in a chair and thought Steve probably brought it for him. He finally looked at the man in the bed and swallowed nervously. Connor was smiling tentatively at Jude and it almost broke his resolve.

“Jude?” Connor says carefully.

“I just had to be sure you were okay” Jude says staying near the door. He doesn’t trust himself to get any closer to Connor and he tries to pretend to not notice the pain he saw when Connor lifted his hand and Jude didn’t move.

“Jude” Connor’s voice is close to breaking. “I missed you” he whispers.

Jude shakes his head. “Connor…no. We can’t. I can’t do this anymore. Nothing has changed” he says more to himself than to the man in the bed.

“Jude please listen” Connor begs but Jude shakes his head. He braces himself and walks over to Connor’s bed, refusing to meet those hazel eyes which would break his determination if he were to look at them.

“This is for the best Connor” Jude tells him. “I’m always going to be a risk to your dreams. You are so amazing and you can do things for this world that I can’t even imagine. Being with me could make all that impossible. I guess Tanisha was right about that, if we stay together, I would cost you everything and I just can’t do that. You finally have it all and if I was responsible for you losing everything, I could never forgive myself.” He chokes on the words as he speaks them, letting go of the person he has loved more than anyone before. The person he thought could finally heal his heart that had been broken by a life of pain and loss that he realized hadn’t been healed by his family, only put back together. The scars were still there, now more noticeable than ever.

Connor is choking on his emotions. He knows Jude is telling him goodbye and he tries to stop him, to tell him to stay, that he doesn’t care about baseball but the words stick in his throat. Jude leans forward and gently presses his lips to Connor’s bandage on his head. “Goodbye Connor” Jude’s voice is anguished and Connor feels the tears that slide off Jude’s cheek to land on his own and he breaks. He starts sobbing trying to stop him but Jude turns and flees from the room. 

Connor finally manages to call out “JUDE!” but even as he says it the door is closing on the fleeing brunette. Connor turns into his pillow and sobs, the pain he feels is greater than anything before.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So this is kinda what I've had in mind for Connor's press conference monologue, almost from the moment I wrote the outline. I hadn't really written it down until just now, but I've always kinda had an idea of how I saw it going.
> 
> Benjji

 

Connor walks into the large press room.  When he'd told the Padres that he wanted to hold an important press conference, and that he wouldn't tell them what it was about, he certainly got a few raised eyebrows, but they let him do it anyway.  Slowly, he makes his way over to the podium and takes a seat in front of the microphone, taking a deep breath and blowing it out before he begins.

 

"So I'm uh—well, I'm going to start by telling you guys a story that probably isn't going to make much sense, at least at first.  But I promise it will at the end so just—bear with me."

 

There's a smattering of chuckles from the gathered reporters, and Connor nervously adjusts his tie before he continues on.

 

"So a while back—well, I guess back when I was just starting in pro baseball—I think it was actually my very first season in the minors?  I don't remember for sure, but anyway, it was some time around there and I had decided to go out for a night.  I mean, we were off the next day to travel for a road trip and I was just—bored, I guess, of sitting in my apartment.  All I'd seen since I started was my apartment, the gym, and baseball stadiums so I just—I needed to get out and do something, you know?"

 

Connor pauses again, and he notices a few raised eyebrows in the crowd before him.  He knows that this press conference is coming off as unscripted and possibly even candid.  It's not unscripted, but he's nervous and that's making everything come out shaky, choppy, and unpolished; it's clearly a contrast to his usually nearly perfect interviews.

 

"And it turned out that on that night—well, I met someone who just kinda changed everything.  They were charming and funny and—well of course they were attractive too.  I was smitten pretty much right away and it was clear they liked me at least.  It felt like one of those scenes in a movie that seems like would never happen—there was just an immediate connection and we hit it off.  I went back to their apartment and we stayed up the whole night.  Not like some of you are thinking—we were just talking.  And then I left on the road trip and we were texting and calling each other the whole time.  It was clear by the time I got back that we really had something.  They picked me up from the stadium when we got done, and they were going to drop me off back at my place except—well, the whole apartment building had burned down.  And it's just a testament to the kind of person they are that they immediately offered me the spare room in their apartment.  I mean—they were just so generous, 'cause not only did they give me a place to stay, but they replaced almost everything I had lost, even though they didn't have to.  And it just—it felt like a fairytale.  I was already so in love with them, and our relationship just blossomed.  They came with me to spring training the next year.  And then we moved in together—well, we moved into a place that was just ours, 'cause before we were sharing the apartment with one of their friends.  We planned out our whole future together, and we shared so many important moments.  My dad dying, my call up to the majors—you know, _everything_.  My life was just perfect—but then it fell apart."

 

Connor stops and wipes at his eyes, trying to will himself not to break down in front of the entire MLB press corps.

 

"A few years ago, I made the biggest mistake of my life," Connor says, soldiering on, his voice shaky.  "I mean, I didn't know I was making a huge mistake.  There wasn't any way for me to really know before it was too late.  I thought we could handle it—we talked about it so much, and I was so confident that we would make it but—I was wrong.  He just got tired of hiding, and I really don't blame him."

 

Connor has to halt his speech as frantic whispering threatens to over take the room.  He had know he probably was going to have to.  Being the first MLB player to come out was going to catch everyone off-guard.

 

"Just so there's no confusion, you did hear me correctly.  I said 'him' because I'm gay, and that someone was my boyfriend Jude.  I've spent my entire career hiding him from you because—well, someone I thought I could trust had told me that my career would've been ruined otherwise.  I've since learned that all she cared about was the money I could make.  But anyway, it was my decision to trust her and that was my mistake.  Jude broke up with me a few weeks ago because I was convinced I had to hide."  Connor pauses and frowns.  "No, that's not right.  He broke up with me because I chose to value endorsement deals and photoshoots and multi-million dollar contracts over loving him.  I was stupid and selfish and—well he's made it pretty clear that we can't be together anymore.  He said his goodbye and he's not going to come back and that's all on me.  Now I have to live with the knowledge—the guilt I have because I threw away the best thing to happen to me for—for money.  I loved him with all my heart—and I still do.  He was the only thing I ever loved more than baseball."

 

"And baseball—well, my view of the game has changed drastically.  Like I said, I loved baseball.  Once upon a time, it was the only place I felt safe; the only place where I was totally at peace.  I loved the game and I was good at it, and that pushed me to work and become a good player.  But I want to be clear: I never expected or wanted to become famous because of baseball.  I wanted to play the game, have a respectable career, and sure, I wanted to succeed, but more than anything I wanted to be _happy_.  And when I had Jude and baseball, I was.  I was the goddamn happiest man on Earth.  But now that he's gone—all I have left are my millions, my batting titles, my NL MVP, and a World Series ring.  So that's accolades and a small fortune?  No matter what anyone tells you, those things won't make you happy.  To me, those things all feel utterly worthless now.  And to continue to play baseball—to continue to pour my soul into a game that caused me to lose the most important thing in my life—I'm having a very hard time convincing myself to do that.  In fact, when I think about Arizona, spring training—I used to feel excited, but now I just feel sick to my stomach."

 

The whispering, which had never really stopped, picks up in intensity again.  Connor is sure that at least half the room knows what's coming next.

 

"This team has given me so much.  The owner, my coaches, everyone else in the Padres organization, and the fans—I can't thank you all enough.  I would have never gotten to this point without you.  But I—yeah, I'm done.  I just can't do this anymore.  I'm retiring from baseball—I will not being returning to the Padres next season.  I know that coming out and retiring isn't going to bring Jude back, but I've spent a week thinking about this decision and it's—well, during that time, I've felt more at peace than I have in years.  Everything that's been weighing on me so heavily is gone—well, their weight is gone and it's been replaced by something that feels much heavier but, those are the only things I can do something about.  With Jude—what's done is done."

 

"I don't know what I'm going to do next, if I'm being honest with you.  Coaching is not really something I want to do.  I know that I don't have to do anything at all—I've certainly made enough money to do that if I wanted but long days with nothing but my own thoughts doesn't sound appealing to me.  Right now, I think for at least the next year or so, I'm going to work with You Can Play and The Trevor Project.  They're both great LGBTQ+ organizations committed to changing the culture around being gay, or bi, or trans or whatever.  That's something I believe very strongly in because—I don't want to sit back and let someone else go through what I did."

 

"So um—thank you everyone for all your support over the years, and for your time today.  Goodbye."

 

Connor stands up and walks out of the room, ignoring the shouts of reporters clambering over each other to ask him questions.  There's nothing left to say.  So Connor walks out to his car, turns the key, rests his head on the steering wheel, and cries.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So as many of you know, since chapter 7, G8rguy has been responsible for writing this story, going off the outline I had written before I started this story. He did a marvelous job and I cannot begin to say just how grateful I am for that. Without him, this story would have never been finished.
> 
> But as he'll readily tell you (and I'm sure many other fic authors would say the same as well), the ending of the fic is often the part of the story that is most dear to a writer's heart, the part where you have the most specific vision for how it's going to play out. And after writing chapter 18, I just really felt that I needed to bring this story home, and G8rguy has very graciously allowed me to do that, and I thank him for that. It's really been a joy to work on this ending the last few days.
> 
> I hope you're all ready for this story to come to an end! There's just this chapter and the epilogue left :)
> 
> \- Benjji

Jude really didn’t remember much of what happened the next few weeks after his visit to the hospital.  Connor honored his wishes and didn’t try to call or text or show up unannounced at his moms house.  Jude’s family was as considerate, mostly leaving him alone to process his emotions while also making sure he got some sunlight and fresh air every few days.  Whenever he tried to complain about being dragged out, his moms would glare at him and he would shut up quickly.  It was a decent deal; going out occasionally in exchange for solitude otherwise.

 

Processing his breakup would have been much easier though if the Padres hadn’t put together a furious rally in the last two weeks of the season (going 12-1 in their last 13 games) to squeak into the playoffs as a wildcard (much to Stef’s delight).  Winning their play-in game, the Padres then dispatched the Los Angeles Dodgers in the National League Division Series in four games, the St. Louis Cardinals in the National League Championship Series in six games to win the NL pennant, and finally the Baltimore Orioles in the World Series in seven games.

 

And the Padres success meant that Connor was literally everywhere.  The team’s best player, he was the first thing most people brought up when discussing the Padres success, and that only intensified when Connor was voted the National League MVP prior the World Series.  Jude could not avoid hearing about him, and that made it difficult to move on.

 

When the Padres won the World Series, San Diego went crazy.  It was a hard-fought series, with San Diego erasing a three games to none deficit to win the series—something that had never been done.  And of course, Connor had been the one to carry them to victory, batting .450 and hitting three home runs in the series, winning the World Series MVP.  Fate was really just a bitch.

 

There had been a whole week of parades, people screaming in the streets, magazine and newspaper articles, and now, just as the city had been calming down, this happens.

 

Sitting on the couch in the living room of his moms house, Jude has his eyes glued to TV screen.  He had seen the announcement of Connor’s special press conference while he had been aimlessly browsing the internet the night before.

 

He can’t even begin to guess what it might be about, and judging from the comments by various sports insiders, commentators and experts, no one else knows either.  A few suggested that Connor might have been pressuring management for a trade, but most say that would be unlikely; Connor’s large contract would make finding a team willing to take him nearly impossible (“but the Yankees would be the only team that could ever think about making such a move,” the Padres beat writer had said).

 

Jude’s gut says that Connor might be coming out, and his heart is hoping for that, but his head tells him that Connor is probably still too scared to.  And even if Connor wanted to come out, it seems likely to Jude that Tanisha would stop him before he could.  It would make more sense that Connor is announcing some new endorsement deal, some special project over the offseason, or something like that.

 

_“And now we take you to San Diego, where Connor Stevens is now approaching the podium to give his statement.”_

 

When Jude sees Connor, he nearly gasps, because Connor’s appearance is so strikingly poor.  Jude has seen Connor looking roughed up at the end of the season, but he looks so much worse than he has before.  There’s exhaustion readily apparent in every heavy step he takes.  His shoulders are slumped as if they were carrying a great weight.  His face looks sullen and there are dark circles under his eyes.  Connor looks like a tired and broken man, and Jude feels a pang of guilt as it occurs to him that he’s, at least in some way, probably responsible for Connor looking like this.

 

_"So I'm uh—well, I'm going to start by telling you guys a story that probably isn't going to make much sense, at least at first.  But I promise it will at the end so just—bear with me."_

  

_"So a while back—well, I guess back when I was just starting in pro baseball—I think it was actually my very first season in the minors?  I don't remember for sure, but anyway, it was some time around there and I had decided to go out for a night.  I mean, we were off the next day to travel for a road trip and I was just—bored, I guess, of sitting in my apartment.  All I'd seen since I started was my apartment, the gym, and baseball stadiums so I just—I needed to get out and do something, you know?"_

 

Connor almost seems nervous, and that sets Jude on edge.  What in the world might Connor be saying that would make him nervous?

 

_"And it turned out that on that night—well, I met someone who just kinda changed everything.  They were charming and funny and—well of course they were attractive too.  I was smitten pretty much right away and it was clear they liked me at least.  It felt like one of those scenes in a movie that seems like would never happen—there was just an immediate connection and we hit it off.  I went back to their apartment and we stayed up the whole night.  Not like some of you are thinking—we were just talking.  And then I left on the road trip and we were texting and calling each other the whole time.  It was clear by the time I got back that we really had something.  They picked me up from the stadium when we got done, and they were going to drop me off back at my place except—well, the whole apartment building had burned down.  And it's just a testament to the kind of person they are that they immediately offered me the spare room in their apartment.  I mean—they were just so generous, 'cause not only did they give me a place to stay, but they replaced almost everything I had lost, even though they didn't have to.  And it just—it felt like a fairytale.  I was already so in love with them, and our relationship just blossomed.  They came with me to spring training the next year.  And then we moved in together—well, we moved into a place that was just ours, 'cause before we were sharing the apartment with one of their friends.  We planned out our whole future together, and we shared so many important moments.  My dad dying, my call up to the majors—you know, everything.  My life was just perfect—but then it fell apart."_

 

Connor is telling their story, but he’s going out of his way to make sure that he’s not using gender-specific pronouns.  And what’s even the point of telling this story?  Is Connor trying to drag him through the mud on national TV?

 

 _"A few years ago, I made the biggest mistake of my life.  I mean, I didn't know I was making a huge mistake.  There wasn't any way for me to really know before it was too late.  I thought we could handle it—we talked about it so much, and I was so confident that we would make it but—I was wrong.  He just got tired of hiding, and I really don't blame him._   _Just so there's no confusion, you did hear me correctly.  I said 'him' because I'm gay, and that someone was my boyfriend Jude.”_

Jude very nearly topples off the couch, startling in surprise when Connor actually comes out.

 

“Holy shit,” Jude breathes.  He wants to jump right off the couch and head over to Connor’s apartment.  He doesn’t know what he’d do there; congratulate Connor?  Just talk to him?  Try and get back together with him?  Jude really doesn’t know.  But Connor still hasn’t stepped away from the podium, and so leaving now would do no good.  By the time he’d get there, Connor would probably still be talking.

 

So he stays put and listens to the rest of the statement.

_I've spent my entire career hiding him from you because—well, someone I thought I could trust had told me that my career would've been ruined otherwise.  I've since learned that all she cared about was the money I could make.  But anyway, it was my decision to trust her and that was my mistake.  Jude broke up with me a few weeks ago because I was convinced I had to hide.  No, that's not right.  He broke up with me because I chose to value endorsement deals and photoshoots and multi-million dollar contracts over loving him.  I was stupid and selfish and—well he's made it pretty clear that we can't be together anymore.  He said his goodbye and he's not going to come back and that's all on me.  Now I have to live with the knowledge—the guilt I have because I threw away the best thing to happen to me for—for money.  I loved him with all my heart—and I still do.  He was the only thing I ever loved more than baseball."_

_"And baseball—well, my view of the game has changed drastically.  Like I said, I loved baseball.  Once upon a time, it was the only place I felt safe; the only place where I was totally at peace.  I loved the game and I was good at it, and that pushed me to work and become a good player.  But I want to be clear: I never expected or wanted to become famous because of baseball.  I wanted to play the game, have a respectable career, and sure, I wanted to succeed, but more than anything I wanted to be happy.  And when I had Jude and baseball, I was.  I was the goddamn happiest man on Earth.  But now that he's gone—all I have left are my millions, my batting titles, my NL MVP, and a World Series ring.  So that's accolades and a small fortune?  No matter what anyone tells you, those things won't make you happy.  To me, those things all feel utterly worthless now.  And to continue to play baseball—to continue to pour my soul into a game that caused me to lose the most important thing in my life—I'm having a very hard time convincing myself to do that.  In fact, when I think about Arizona, spring training—I used to feel excited, but now I just feel sick to my stomach."_

  

_"This team has given me so much.  The owner, my coaches, everyone else in the Padres organization, and the fans—I can't thank you all enough.  I would have never gotten to this point without you.  But I—yeah, I'm done.  I just can't do this anymore.  I'm retiring from baseball—I will not being returning to the Padres next season.  I know that coming out and retiring isn't going to bring Jude back, but I've spent a week thinking about this decision and it's—well, during that time, I've felt more at peace than I have in years.  Everything that's been weighing on me so heavily is gone—well, their weight is gone and it's been replaced by something that feels much heavier but, those are the only things I can do something about.  With Jude—what's done is done."_

_"I don't know what I'm going to do next, if I'm being honest with you.  Coaching is not really something I want to do.  I know that I don't have to do anything at all—I've certainly made enough money to do that if I wanted but long days with nothing but my own thoughts doesn't sound appealing to me.  Right now, I think for at least the next year or so, I'm going to work with You Can Play and The Trevor Project.  They're both great LGBTQ+ organizations committed to changing the culture around being gay, or bi, or trans or whatever.  That's something I believe very strongly in because—I don't want to sit back and let someone else go through what I did."_

_"So um—thank you everyone for all your support over the years, and for your time today.  Goodbye."_

 

Jude’s shock turns to anger in a matter of seconds as Connor announces he’s retiring.  _Retiring_?  After the season he just had?  Just because he broke up with him?  Connor has done a lot of stupid things in the time Jude has known him, but this one takes the cake.

 

In fact, it’s so stupid that Jude refuses to stand for it.  He jumps up, grabs his car keys and heads right out the door.

* * *

 

By the time Connor looks up, there are a number of people just milling around the player’s parking lot at the stadium.  He’s positive they’re all looking for him, but they all seem to be unaware that he’s there.  It’s a good thing he decided to tint his car windows.  But window tinting isn’t perfect, and rather than give them any more time to potentially notice him, Connor immediately puts the car in gear and speeds off.

 

Thankfully, there are no reporters near his apartment building, no doubt due to the fairly tight security maintained there.

 

He parks his car before slowly trudging up the stairs to his apartment, slowed and weighted down every step by the aches and pains that come as a result of the 162 game grind he just put himself through.  Actually, for him and the Padres, it was 180 instead of 162 if you counted the playoffs—they won the Wild Card game, and then the NLDS in four games, the NLCS in six, and the World Series in seven.

 

He feels the deep muscle ache in legs, the result of crouching, getting up and down behind the plate, and running the bases.  His right arm and shoulder ache from the countless throws he made around the diamond.  And the after-effects of the line drive he took to the head a few weeks ago still linger, manifesting in the form of a painful, throbbing headache.  It’s to the point where the bone-deep exhaustion makes it hard to move at all.

 

Lost in thought, Connor doesn’t notice the figure sitting next to the door to his apartment until he nearly trips over them.

 

“Sorry,” Connor mumbles once he regains his balance.

 

“Connor.”

 

Connor’s head snaps up at his voice.  He recognizes it immediately; he’ll never forget the way Jude’s voice sounds.

 

“Jude?”

 

Jude rises to his feet, squares up with him and shoves him backward.  “You _idiot_ ,” Jude growls angrily.  “I can’t _believe_ you just did that!”

 

Unprepared for Jude’s forceful push, Connor stumbles backward, his back jamming into the edge of the doorframe to his apartment.  Rubbing the spot gingerly, Connor asks quietly, “You actually saw that?”

 

“Yeah, of course I did!” Jude answers harshly.  “You’re one of the most popular players in the league!  Did you actually think coming out _and_ retiring wouldn’t immediately make headlines?”

 

“No I—I knew I would it’s just—I didn’t think you’d care enough to—you know—confront me about it,” Connor stammers.

 

Jude lets out a breath, making a frustrated noise that’s somewhere between a whine and a groan.  “I do care Connor!  I care way more than I wish I did!  That’s why I can’t let you go through with this!”

 

“I’ve made my choice,” Connor says resolutely.  “I’m not going back.”

 

“Oh my God _Connor_!” Jude shouts in frustration.  “You’ve only played three seasons in the majors!  You were the first player to win the batting triple-crown since Miguel Cabrera, plus you won the NL MVP and the World Series MVP!  You’re at the top of your game and you’re telling me that you’re going to quit because I broke up with you?  That’s—do you realize how angry that makes me feel?  I told you— _I fucking told you_ that I couldn’t bear being responsible for you losing everything!  And yet that’s what you just did!”

 

“I—I know I realized this too late but you—you were more valuable than anything I’ve earned from playing baseball,” Connor says, feeling tears start to trickle down his cheeks.  “I—I didn’t lose everything today.  I lost everything the day you came to the hospital and said goodbye.”

 

Turning away from Jude, Connor unlocks the door to his apartment and walks into the sterile-looking living room.  He crosses over to the couch, his legs giving out on him as he gets there.  A choked sob escapes his lips, and Connor covers his face with his hands.  He doesn’t know whether Jude followed him in or not, but he starts babbling apologies anyway, unsure if they’ll be heard or if they’ll simply dissipate into the open air.

 

“I’m so sorry that I ever thought my career should’ve come before you.  I’m s-sorry that I never s-stood up to Tanisha until it was t-too late and I-I’m sorry that I w-was a coward and I’m s-sorry I n-never loved you t-the way y-you deserved to b-be loved!”

 

The couch dips down as Jude sits down next to him.  An arm curls around his shoulder and he feels a hand take his.  Without thinking, Connor turns and buries his face into his shoulder.  They sit there, and Connor cries until there are no tears left to cry.

 

“Connor, I—even through the bad times I knew you loved me,” Jude says softly when he finally stops crying.  “But love isn’t the only thing needed for a solid relationship.”

 

“I know I know I’m sorry—”

 

Jude shushes him gently.  “Just let me finish, okay?  It was—I knew you were capable doing the little things that made our relationship so strong in the beginning.  You used to always want to spend time with me and go with me to family events and ask me about my day and be interested in what I was doing.  And when you stopped doing all those little things, I knew you’d been caught by the world you worked in.  You still loved me, but I didn’t feel like you cared much about my life and what was important to me.  I didn’t feel connected to you and that was just too hard.”

 

“She p-planned it all.  Everything she did was carefully engineered so that we’d eventually have to break up,” Connor says, sniffling quietly.

 

“When she made me move out—not at first, but eventually, I realized that’s what she was doing,” Jude says, nodding grimly.

 

“I was—she kept me too distracted to think about it and I was just so _sure_ she was trying to protect us that I didn’t want to see how what she was doing was hurting us.  The day I found your letter I went to confront her and she—God, she called my sexuality a ‘lifestyle’ and then she said that what she did was all about protecting _her_ investment.  I was just so naïve and I’m sorry,” Connor says, feeling anger boil up in him as he thinks all the selfish and wicked things Tanisha said and did to him.

 

“You try to see the good in people’s actions and that’s—it’s a good thing.  It’s one of the things I love about you,” Jude responds.

 

“She’s gone now.  I fired her and everyone who works for or with her.  I never want to see her face again!” Connor says, clenching his jaw determinedly.

 

“Good.”

 

“Hey Jude?” Connor says after a long moment of silence.

 

“Yeah?” Jude answers, absentmindedly rubbing the back of Connor’s hand with his thumb.

 

“Do you think—could we maybe—I don’t know—try being together again?” Connor questions.

 

Jude’s thumb stops and he tenses up.  “Connor—”

 

“Can I just say something before you answer?” Connor says, looking over pleadingly at Jude.  Jude sighs, but nods in affirmation.  “Okay so, when you came to the hospital, you said we couldn’t get back together because nothing had changed from when we broke up.  I was still a professional baseball player who was deep in the closet.  But now I’m neither of those things anymore and—well, I know I said in my statement that I didn’t think you’d ever be coming back and I really meant it but there was still a part of me that was hoping and now that you’re here I wanted to at least ask.”

 

“I—”

 

“I’m not done yet,” Connor says, and Jude snaps his mouth shut.  “Look, I still love you and I really miss you.  I know you said love isn’t enough, but I know I can do the things you need me to now.  I’m not playing baseball anymore, and that means I have all the time in the world devote to you.”

 

“But—Connor, you love baseball.  You’re giving it up for me and—don’t you think some day you might resent me for that?” Jude asks cautiously.

 

“I already told you.  Everything that I ever got playing baseball means nothing to me compared to you.  I’d give up baseball over and over again for you,” Connor answers earnestly, his heart starting to beat faster in his chest from anticipation that Jude might actually take him back (even though Connor knows he is far from deserving of that).

 

“Do you promise?”

 

“Yes.  Retiring was completely my decision and I promise I will never blame you for it and resent you,” Connor replies without missing a beat.

 

Jude is quiet for a long moment before he nods.  “Okay,” he says, and Connor’s heart leaps.  He thinks he might cry again, but this time it would be tears of joy and relief.  He didn’t think there was any chance, but he really won Jude back.

 

“But we’re not going to go right back to the way it was before,” Jude adds.  “It’s—it’s been a long time and I think I need to get to know you again and we need to rebuild trust in each other.  I’m not going to move right in with you and we’re certainly not going to start having sex right away or anything.  It’s going to be a process that takes time.”

 

“That’s okay,” Connor says, grinning widely.  “But can at least give you a kiss right now?”

 

“Yeah,” Jude says, finally cracking a slight smile for the first time since Connor arrived at his apartment.

 

Connor leans in and Jude meets him halfway; their lips gently press together in a soft kiss for the first time in ages and _God_ has Connor missed this.

 

It’s not a long kiss, but it stirs something in Connor, and before he realizes it, he’s blurting out, “I bought us a house.”

 

“You what?” Jude questions in astonishment.

 

Connor doesn’t have a chance to answer though because someone starts banging on the door to his apartment.

 

“Connor!  It’s Steve!  Open up!” Steve bellows.

 

Connor groans; the last thing he needs right now is one of his teammates trying to convince him to change his mind.  But he gets up and yanks the door open anyway.

 

“What do you w—” Connor starts to ask, but Steve barrels into him, dragging him back into the living room.

 

“Dude, do you have any fucking clue about what’s happening right now?” Steve inquires, snatching up the remote from the coffee table and turning the TV on.

 

“Everyone is flipping out over me coming out and retiring,” Connor says exasperatedly.  “I knew that would happen and I really don’t want to see what they’re all saying.”

 

“Man, that’s not even what’s going on!  You’ve literally become like, a footnote!  Just watch,” Steve says, using his hands to turn Connor’s head toward the TV.

 

 _“Breaking news on Sportscenter right now,”_ the anchor says as Connor’s face flashes up on the screen next to her head.  _“The American sports community is reacting to the stunning announcement made by Padres catcher and first baseman Connor Stevens, and what has followed.  Just this morning, Stevens shocked everyone by holding a press conference in which he gave a statement coming out as gay, and announcing his retirement from the game of baseball.  But that was just the start.  Following Stevens’ announcement, NHL players Jack Zimmermann and Kent Parson both took to twitter to give Stevens’ their support and come out as well.  Zimmermann has also since revealed that he is a long-term relationship with his former college teammate, Eric Bittle.”_

_“Zimmermann and Parson were the first to come out as a result of Stevens, but they were not the last.  According to the numbers gathered just before the top of the hour, no less than 256 professional athletes have come out.  The breakdown?  A staggering 107 NFL players, 62 MLB players including two of Stevens’ former teammates, 22 NBA players, 24 NHL players including the aforementioned Parson and Zimmermann, 36 MLS players and 5 PGA Tour golfers.  And those numbers are dwarfed by those that have come out in the amateur ranks.  Our analysts are still working to get accurate figures, but current estimate show that at least 1000 college and Olympic athletes have come out as well.  For more on this rapidly developing story, we head out to San Diego…”_

 

“Holy shit,” Connor whispers as the camera cuts to an image of Petco Park, where seemingly thousands of people are gathered.

 

“A lot of people are calling you a hero!  And I mean ESPN totally didn’t mention that nearly every player in the league has written some kind of tweet in support of you which I think is just great—” Steve prattles.

 

“I’m—I’m not a hero,” Connor interrupts, shaking slightly as a result of the sheer magnitude of what he’s just learned.  “I was a—a coward for so long.  How can they—how can anyone see me as a hero?”

 

Steve stops in his tracks, brow furrowing as he frowns deeply.  “The fuck dude?!  Look, you were the first person ever to have the courage to be the trailblazer.  The guy that comes out first.  That was you, you had the balls to do that!  You became the first really successful player to come out and like—well you’re not the highest profile out athlete now cause there was some NFL quarterback that came out—Aaron or Andrew or…well, it starts with an A—and of course everyone knows that football is the most popular sport in the U.S. but—”

 

Connor clears his throat to get Steve to stop rambling.

 

“Oh right, anyway, the point I’m making is that they wouldn’t have come out if you hadn’t been brave enough to do it first and that doesn’t sound cowardly to me at all!”

 

“He’s right,” Jude agrees, coming up and putting a hand on Connor’s shoulder.

 

Steve startles and whirls around to face the source of the words.  When he recognizes that it’s just Jude, he exhales and clutches his chest.  “Fuck, I didn’t realize anyone else was here.”

 

“Sorry.”

 

Steve glances back and forth between Jude and Connor rapidly, a confused look on his face.  “Is—what’s going on here?  I thought you guys broke up.”

 

Jude’s eyebrows shoot up.  “Since when did you know we were together?”

 

“First of all, Connor literally talked about you in his statement—”

 

“Oh.”

 

“—but even if he hadn’t I knew anyway cause the dude was a fucking mess after you broke up with him and at one point he just got all busted up and spilled everything that happened to me,” Steve finishes, shrugging.

 

“I see,” Jude replies.

 

“So—are you guys like—y’know, back together?” Steve questions.

 

Both Jude and Connor nod.

 

“Okay.  So.  I came over here for a reason and now I guess it’s two,” Steve says, still talking at a hundred miles a minute.  “One, I had to make sure you knew what was going on ‘cause this is like super awesome but now secondly I’m wondering why you’re quitting if you got back together with Jude.  I mean, you said that’s like why you retired except that’s not a valid thing anymore so that totally means you should not retire!”

 

“I don’t think I could be out and play—”

 

“Back the fuck up Connor, okay?  Just back the fuck up.  There are now 62 out players in baseball including two of our teammates and Ron and A.J. have already said they fully support them.  So point number one is invalidated,” Steve argues passionately.

 

“Fine, then I promised Jude that I wouldn’t disappear from his everyday life like I did before when I was playing,” Connor counters.  “I can’t balance my relationship and baseball.”

 

“Eeeerrt, wrong!” Steve retorts  “I’m sensing some extreme bullshit here!”

 

“Except it’s not,” Connor replies flatly.

 

Steve groans.  “Jude.  Dude.  Back me up here.”

 

Jude shakes his head.  “Connor has to make this decision for himself and I don’t really want to get involved—”

 

_“Bro—”_

 

“—but, I’m pretty sure we could manage it because we did just fine before.”

 

“See?  You can totally do this!” Steve asserts, but Connor shakes his head.

 

“My mind is made up.  I’m not playing baseball again,” Connor says firmly.

 

“Alright, fine man, suit yourself,” Steve says, his shoulders dropping slightly in defeat.  He heads for the door but stops before he leaves and turns around.  “Keep in touch man.”

 

“I will,” Connor replies.

 

The door clicks shut, and Connor flops back onto the couch.

 

“I agree with Steve.  I think you should play.”

 

“It’s not up for discussion,” Connor responds.  “I’m not changing my decision.”

 

Jude shrugs.  “Okay.  Want to go get lunch?”

 

“We can order take out,” Connor suggests.

 

“Why not go out?”

 

“You do realize that anywhere I go for like, the next month, I’ll be mobbed by the press?”

 

“Oh.  Right.  So…take out then,” Jude chuckles, pulling out his phone as he sits down on the couch with him.  "Also can we go back to the part where you bought a house?"

 

"Uh...it was right after we broke up...and I thought it...well, I kept visiting the realtor and it was a house I just knew you'd love so...I bought it.  I was obviously hoping we might get back together at some point," Connor explains nervously.  "And I mean...whenever we're ready to move back in together we can move out there."

 

"It's probably going be a while but...I think I'd like that."

* * *

 

Despite his vehement insistence that his choice to retire was final, Steve’s arguments and Jude’s opinion stick in Connor’s head, and by the time he finally heads over to the stadium to make his retirement final and official, he’s having second thoughts.  When he voiced this to Jude, Jude reiterated his position that he thinks Connor should play.

 

So when Connor walks into the conference room, he’s not entirely sure what’s going to happen.  Ron, the team’s owner, and A.J., the GM are already there and waiting when he arrives.  Ron stands up when he notices him, and when Connor reaches the table, he stands up and puts a hand on Connor’s shoulder.

 

“Hey Connor,” he says, his steely gray eyes studying his intently from behind his wire-rimmed glasses.  “How are you doing?”

 

“I’m great,” Connor answers, and Ron raises an eyebrow skeptically.  Connor smiles, repeating, “No, really, I’m doing great.”

 

Both Ron and A.J. sigh in what Connor guesses in relief.  “We’re really happy to hear that,” Ron says.  “You had us really worried there for a while.”

 

Connor frowns.  “What do you mean?”

 

“You didn’t look very good when you gave your statement and from the tone of it—well, I was concerned that you might go home and do something stupid.  That’s why we sent Steve to check on you.”

 

“He didn’t tell me that’s why he came by.”

 

“He wasn’t supposed to,” Ron shrugs.

 

“Oh.  Well I—I hadn’t been planning to doing anything but uh,” Connor says, searching for words as he’s somewhat shocked by this new information.  “Thanks for caring about me I guess, even though I wasn’t a part of the team—”

 

“Connor, you’re a Padre for life,” Ron says, shaking his head as he cuts him off.  “You’ll always be a part of this team, even if you’re not playing.”

 

“Right.  We’ll always be trying to look out for you, even when you’re not on the team’s roster,” A.J. adds.  “But with that being said—we really wish you would reconsider your decision to retire.”

 

“Yes, we very much wish you would,” Ron parrots.  “If your retirement is about your decision to be open with your sexuality, the Padres are prepared to do whatever it takes to show our support for you.”

 

“That’s not really it,” Connor responds.  “I mean, I said it was more about losing my passion for the game _because_ of the whole thing with my sexuality.”

 

“We heard your speech, of course, and that’s—” A.J. pauses, looking as if he was searching for the right response.  “I guess it’s understandable, given the situation with your ex-boyfriend, but I’m afraid—”

 

“He’s not my ex.  Well, not anymore,” Connor interjects quickly, and he can’t help the smile the flashes across his face as he speaks.  He’s spent the last few days reconnecting with Jude and things are honestly great.  They’ve still got a long way to go, but Connor is confident that this time, it’s not going to fall apart.

 

“Oh.  Then congratulations!  So does this mean that you _are_ considering coming back next year?” Ron asks, his eyes lighting up hopefully.

 

“Uh—yeah, I guess I am,” Connor answers.  “I thought I’d made up my mind but Steve argued pretty convincingly for me playing and Jude wants me to keep playing so…now I’m thinking I might.”

 

“I really think that’s the right choice for you,” A.J. says, grinning as he taps away at his tablet.  “Are you going to want to make a statement to the media about this or are you going to want us to handle it?”

 

“ _If_ I decide to play, I’m not going to talk to the press about it,” Connor says.  “But I’m still not sure if I will play yet, I’m just thinking about it.”

 

“Of course, of course,” Ron says as he pulls his sleeve back to look at his watch.  “Oh my—I’ve got to run to another meeting, but please Connor, take all the time that you need and then let us know when you’ve made your decision.”

 

“I will.”

 

“Take care Connor.  I look forward to hearing from you,” Ron says before rushing out of the room.

* * *

 

The next day, Connor calls A.J. and tells him that he’ll be playing the next year.

* * *

 

A.J. may or may not whoops so loudly that the entire office can hear him when he hangs up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I may need to apologize for all the baseball knowledge and terminology I'm dropping on y'all in this chapter and the epilogue...
> 
> Also, there was a reference to Ngozi's wonderful webcomic, _[Check, Please!](http://omgcheckplease.tumblr.com)_ , in this chapter. Can you spot it?
> 
> Lastly, I'll be putting up the epilogue later tonight! :D


	20. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I said I would be posting this tonight, but 3:30 is close enough, right?
> 
> Anyway, there's a much longer and probably kinda rambly and maybe sappy-ish note at the end!

It’s fifteen years before Connor utters the word “retirement” again, and this time, he really does.  After eighteen seasons in the major leagues, all with the Padres, Connor has the kind of numbers that pretty much everyone thinks will guarantee him a place in Cooperstown.

 

  * .323 career batting average (which puts him in the top 50 all-time for career average and 2nd in Padres history)
  * 567 home runs (13th all-time and the Padres franchise record)
  * 1923 RBIs (9th all-time and also a Padres franchise record)
  * 15 All-Star selections
  * 7 Silver Sluggers
  * 5 Gold Gloves (3 at catcher, 2 at first base)
  * 3 World Series titles



 

Five years after Connor retires, he is indeed a first ballot hall of famer.

* * *

 

“Juuuuuuuude,” Connor whines loudly.

 

Jude is in the bathroom, fixing his hair for Connor’s hall of fame induction ceremony, while Connor is just outside in their hotel room, attempting to wrangle their four year old son, Cody, into his suit.

 

“Be out in a minute,” Jude shouts back.

 

Just then, Cody comes tearing into the bathroom, completely naked, showing that Connor has been totally unsuccessful in getting any clothing on Cody (he’s currently in the stage where he hates any and all clothing).

 

“Sorry Jude,” Connor says, darting in behind Jude.  Cody, now backed into a corner, is powerless to resist as Connor scoops him up.

 

“You’re going into the baseball hall of fame, and yet you can’t corral a four year old,” Jude laughs, shaking his head.

 

“Baseballs are predictable.  This one is not, and plus he’s super agile,” Connor protests, plopping down a giggling Cody onto one of the beds.

 

“And you’re getting old,” Jude says, trailing out after Connor.

 

“Har har,” Connor laughs humorlessly.  “Just remember that you’re getting old too.”

 

Jude giggles in response, watching as Connor struggles to keep Cody in place _and_ grab his shirt to get it on him.  Connor stops after a moment, looking up at Jude with an unimpressed look on his face.  “A little help please?”

 

“You keep him still, I’ll get him dressed.”

 

10 minutes later, Cody is finally dressed—and already trying to take everything back off.  But once they’re done, he and Jude sit down together on the bed and Connor picks up Cody, plopping him down on his lap so he can’t.

 

“Daddy, I don’t like wearing this,” Cody complains, squirming violently.

 

“I know buddy,” Connor says, placing a kiss on the top of Cody’s bright red hair.  “But you’re just going to have to deal with it while Daddy gives his speech.”

 

“Ugh!” Cody says, letting out a long, exaggerated groan.

 

Jude ruffles Cody’s hair.  “You’ll survive.”

 

“No I won’t,” Cody mumbles into his arms.

 

"Alright then."  Jude shrugs, and then turns to Connor.  “Are you nervous?”

 

“No, not at all,” Connor chuckles as Cody suddenly pushes at his hands, trying to get free.  “It’s just another speech.  I’ve been doing this all my life.”

 

“Not _all_ your life—”

 

“Shush, you knew what I meant!”

 

They sit quietly for a minute, before Connor adds, “There’s only been one speech I remember being nervous for.”

 

“When you came out?”

 

Connor nods.  “Yeah…do you ever think about where we would be if I hadn’t done that?”

 

“Not really,” Jude answers.  “But I suppose…we both probably would’ve moved on.”

 

Connor shudders.  “That would mean that I quit baseball and would’ve never made it to the hall of fame.  And I—well, I just couldn’t imagine what my life would be like without you.”

 

“You don’t have to,” Jude says, cupping his cheek.  “The ring I have on my finger says that you’re stuck with me.”

 

Connor grins before leaning in and planting a kiss on Jude’s lips.  “I love you.”

 

“I love you too,” Jude answers.

 

“EWWWW!!!” Cody shrieks, causing both of them to break down laughing.

* * *

 

“Many years ago, I joined the Padres organization with a dream.  A dream that’s been shared by thousands of players at many different ages and in all different places: to be one of the best to ever play the game.  And standing here, on this stage in Cooperstown, being inducted into the hall of fame—it’s a confirmation that I was one of the privileged ones who was able to achieve that dream, and that’s very thrilling and humbling.”

 

“But twenty years ago, I had reached a point in my life where I wasn’t sure that that dream was what I wanted anymore.  I knew I was right on the cusp of realizing it; a few more seasons and I would’ve had numbers that likely were good enough to get me here.  Except that I wasn’t in a good place.  Time has likely softened some of the worst edges of my memories of that time, but I do remember feeling lower than I had at any other point in my life.”

 

“As everyone now knows, the long-term relationship I had been in with my soulmate and love of life had just ended, and I found myself feeling empty without him.  I found out that I couldn’t trust the people who I expected to look out for me.  And I found myself feeling trapped, suffocating in the closet that had held me for so long, because I thought the league would never be accepting of an openly gay player.  I was tired, broken, and burned-out.”

 

“So I made the decision to come clean about who I was, and then quit.  So I did, and I figured that would be the end of it.  But of course, it wasn’t, because I found out something I had always suspected, but never had proof of: I was not alone.  On the day I came out, 256 other professional athletes came out as well.  And to this day when I think about it, the impact my decision made moves me deeply.  By stepping forward, I changed so many people’s lives.”

 

“And I changed my own life as well.  When I came home from my press conference, I found my ex at the time, and my now-husband, Jude, sitting outside my apartment, waiting for me…at which point he promptly called me an idiot.  It was a well-deserved statement, and I think if you asked him today, he’d still say I’m an idiot.  But I don’t regret my actions for one second, idiotic or otherwise, because if I hadn’t done what I did, Jude and I likely would’ve never repaired our relationship and be where we are today, and I would have never returned to the game of baseball.”

 

“I’m thankful to everyone that has been a part of my journey, but a few have been particularly important, and I’d like to take a moment to thank them.  First, and I’ve already mentioned him, my husband Jude, who stood beside me for every step since I came out.  Then I need to mention our son Cody, because even though I was not part of our family when I was playing, he’s become such an important part of my life.  I love you buddy.”

 

“And I have to thank my best friend and teammate Steve.  He supported me through my lowest points and has been the best teammate and friend I could ever ask for.  I even will thank my late father, because even though he was a despicable man, he was the first person to see my talent for this game, and pushed me to pursue it.”

 

“And thank you to the fans that filled the stadium and cheered me on as I played.  Without you, this game doesn’t mean a thing.  Nobody would play in an empty stadium.  There’s not much joy in that.  So thank you for filling the ballpark.  I hope that over the years, I gave you a few things to cheer about and celebrate.”

 

“I’m one of the luckiest people on the planet.  That much I know for sure, because somehow I am so loved by my family, I’ve been successful in my career, and I’ve touched lives, changing them for the better.  I’ve received so many letters, tweets, and messages over the years from young men and women, telling me that my courage gave them the courage to come out and be honest to others about who they are.  And that’s just incredible to me.  Even though I no longer play, I hope to still be able to impact others by becoming the first openly gay player inducted into the hall of fame.”

 

“I thank you all.  I’m so grateful to be standing on this stage.  Thank you to the Writer’s Association for voting me into the hall of fame.  It is truly an honor.  Thank you very much.”

 

**_The End_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well folks, here we are, at the very end of this fic. It took almost a year and two writers to complete, but we got it done :) G8rguy deserves a lot of love and cookies for having worked so hard on this fic, because as I said in my note for the last chapter, without his effort this fic would've never been finished. He was really great to work with (this is technically the second project we worked on together), and again I especially thank him for being willing to let me write the ending.
> 
> I really hope y'all enjoyed this fic. I got this as a tumblr prompt a long time ago, and my original intention had been to write it as a oneshot fic, but someone, when they read what I had started on, suggested that I do it as a multi-chapter fic. When I started writing chapter 1, I didn't really know where I was going with it, but by the time I got to chapter 3, I had a sudden spark of inspiration and wrote the entire outline to the end, and that outline didn't really change at any point in this process. So the fic you read is pretty much exactly as I had planned it. And G8rguy was honestly great with taking the outline and sticking to it but being sure to add his own flair and style to the story.
> 
> A couple times I've said that I was done writing fics for Jonnor, and every time I've said that, I've ended up writing something else. I think maybe because Jonnor was the first ship I got really into, they hold a special place in heart and I think I'll always feel a little drawn to writing for them. So this time, I won't go so far to say that I'll never write Jonnor fic again, cause the evidence suggests I probably will (let me note though that I don't have intentions to start working on something soon, I'm just saying that some time in the future I might).
> 
> Anyway, thanks y'all for reading!!! <3


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